How do I tell my friend he needs to do something about his weight?

Question

I have a friend whose weight has rocketed from being overweight to being morbidly obese. I mean he is quite simply enormous and I fear for his livelihood. The worst part is that I seem to be maintaining our friendship without actually saying what I feel about his situation. In mine or anyone's view he is heading for an early grave - we are only 34. How do I broach the subject without causing offence or making it seem like I am meddling?

He has always been big, and you accept this about your friends, it takes all shapes and sizes to make a world. So at what point do you say this is life threatening. At what point do I wonder why his parents or doctors aren't having any effect on his thinking. It's maybe not my place, but then whose place is it? Do I just watch him fade into ill health? Death through morbid obesity must be a lonely demise. I just don't know how to be a friend in all of this. I'm not a dietician or a samaritan, but he needs help somehow. What can I do or say to help?

Answer 1

You're obviously concerned about how to address your friend. Perhaps you could ask him if he is concerned about his weight and if he has a problem. By suggesting he ask himself may bypass the "don't tell me what to do" scenario. And if you address it as a sincere friend, don't worry-you have done it in a good spirit and if he confronts you you can tell him just that. And ask yourself this- would it be wrong to sit back and allow such a thing to happen? I hope this goes well for you.

Answer 2

Do you feel that his parents and the doctor have not said anything to him? This alone would make a person eat (drink do drugs what ever is the addiction of choice). You need to think past your own feelings of being seen with your "friend". You want to say something to your friend not because you want him to feel better (OK maybe a little) but because you feel that you talking behind your friends back and putting your friend down on the internet is a acceptable friend.
Well it is not, I am sure plenty of people have told him about his weight. As I have said this alone would make someone not stop eating but eat even more...
Try and be a good friend. As you said " you accept this about your friends, it takes all shapes and sizes to make a world.".

Please practice what you preach....

Answer 3

You don't sound like you want to be direct to hI'm, although some people prefer to be direct! You, however do seem like a good friend. I would say that you join a club and ask him to come along with you, and if he asks why just say something like "I feel shy around people i don't know!" Also if you kinda go on a diet he may want to join with you. If he refuses to both these things, im sorry but you will have to be direct, You can either be direct and still let him live or not say anything and let him die. He may find what you said to him was harsh but when he slims down he will realise, that he is so lucky to have a friend like you:)

Answer 4

I'm going through it now. Does he ever talk about exercise, dieting, not being able to fit on rides at amusement parks. If he mentions anything that you can then start talking about dieting etc...do it....My best friend has always been a big girl but since high school she has put on a good 80lbs. She now has diabetes, I send email her articles that I receive from fitness.com. She has recently purchased a treadmill because I did, which is a good step toward improving her health, only if she uses it. This is a hard topic to approach, you don't want to hurt their feelings but sometimes things just need to be said....even if they don't want to hear it. This is what makes you a good friend.

Answer 5

If you are really that worried about him then I think you should tell him. Just tell him that you are worried about his health and that you want to help him. If you don't want to come right out and say it, why don't you tell him that you want to lose some weight (unless you aren't already skinny!lol) and then ask him to do it with you as 'moral support'. Tell him you want to take up a sport and ask him if he'll be your partner IE tennis or squash.

Just try not to make the whole thing a big negative, but be encouraging. If he doesn't respond to anything then tell him straight up you're worried and don't want to lose your friend.

The unfortunate truth is though, that he will only lose weight if he wants to - for himself- if his heart isn't truly in losing the weight then he wont.

Hope you get some peace of mind and all works out OK, good luck x

Answer 6

I wouldn't tell him directly that you are worried about his weight. Maybe you could start doing things together to get him more active like going salsa dancing.. its really good fun for men and women to get exercises and socialise. My friend was also quite big so i suggested we do the class together even tho my weight is fine. She ended up really enjoying herself. Before she stayed in and just ate in front of the telly. Now she seems to be more active and happier then ever and has even lost weight. Sometimes words go in one ear and out the other so suggesting doing something together i found worked better.!

Answer 7

Dont just blurt out - hey I think you need to loose weight. Just tell him one day. " Well, you know I care for you and we've been friends since childhood. I considered about you and your health. I know this is your life but I think you need to do something about your wife. I care too much for you to see anything happen to you."--- Something to that affect. He may get a little aggitated with you that is because the truth hurts but trust me he'll considered what you said to him.

Answer 8

Sometimes the truth hurts... but in this case the truth could save your friends life. Just casually say something about you being worried about him or try to get him to get some help. If that fails, get him help. He may be angry with you, but if he is truelly your friend he will forgive you. He will eventually realize in the long-run you did it cuz you care.

Hope I helped. :)

Answer 9

I was very overweight as well and my friends just kept quiet and told me that I'm not THAT fat. They thought they where helping me until I had an very traumatic, embarrassing experience because of my weight and it "luckily" made me realise that I have to do something about my weight. I would of appreciated it if my friend told me that I should do something about it in stead of "accepting" me as I was. I've lost 24kg and feel great. Just tell your friend he should get help. His health is more important than hurt feelings............good luck.

Answer 10

He knows it already i'm sure! Tell him you would like to keep him as a friend but his weight keeps going up and your scared for him thats the nicest way possible