My girlfriend of about 8 months is living with me and my best mate I brought the house with in August. She's living there whilst her parents do up there house otherwise she'd be living in a caravan or on her grandparents hallway floor.
I work a week on week off as a live in carer and find her really messy when i'm there. Its always her stuff just scattered around the room, and its a small room so I just feel really claustrophobic and can hardly move in the room or see what colour the carpet is. I have said about it time and time again, trying different ways i.e. on our own, in a crowd to try and make her embarassed, shouted at her! She tends to be the messiest person in the house, its a 3 bed house with one double room and 2 box rooms with 5 people in. My mate rang up this morning & told me her m8 had been ova last nite n they jst left her gin glass out, shoes in the middle of room,coat on sofa, cans left out. Mite not sound a lot,my m8s been good enuf to let her stay for free. ?????
2006-12-06 03:39:28 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I have told her many times that I dont like the mess. She tells me she cleans up once a week the same as the other lad who I got the house with. When he cleans though the house is immaculate, not a thing out of place. When she does it, i'm not joking here it took her 6 hours to clean the bathroom and kitchen and then she moved on into the lounge. Its my first house and we haven't got that much that needs cleaning. She's 25 and her Mum has always done her laundry and ironing and always uses the dishwasher. I text her this morning, and I just got the but... but... but... reply when she rang me up. I do like her, but I kind of feel if I chucked her out it would be the end of the relationship. I think it shows me as well that we could never just get a place on our own. My mate shouldn't have to put up with her messyness especially. I kind of feel myself not wanting to respect her as she doesn't respect me by listening to what I have to say.
2006-12-06 03:53:34 · update #1
Just to add, she does clean up more than once a week, but she does the polishing, cleaning bathroom etc. once a week. Shes just incredibly messy in between. I will speak to her tonight and put it like it is.
2006-12-06 05:56:01 · update #2
I got dumped anyway
:<
best go to adultfriendfinder.com
:>
2006-12-06 19:51:55 · update #3
Sorry to sound harsh but it seems your getting worked up over nothing, to put it this way if you were the messy one how would you feel if your gf was wanting to chuck u out, u would probably feel like they were being harsh and getting mad over nothing. You still love her and surely acceptance comes in there like accepting that she is messy but at least she made an effort for you, she may have took 6 hours to clean the bathroom but at least she tried and its unfair just to kick her out over that. Also im sure there are times when u are messy as well, also u bought the house with ur mate so its not him thats just letting her stay for free. U love her so i would let her stay and work things out, all will be fine. Maybe try reverse psychology, leave her in her mess and soon enough she wont want to live like that and should clean up after herself when she realises no one else will clean up after her but its a bit much to kick her out over. Take care and hope all goes well
2006-12-06 06:04:39 · answer #1 · answered by Chappers 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok so you've obviously spoke to her about it on several occasions but this hasn't done any good. So maybe you haven't gone about it in the right way? To be honest, you making her embarrassed or shouting at her has probably made her more defiant and she might be doing it even more now just to annoy you and get back at you for making her feel like a little girl. I suggest you sit down and talk to her about it like an adult. No need to get stroppy because that never helps anything. Explain that its causing a bit of friction with your mates and how you feel about it. If she respects you, hopefully she'll change. Alternatively, start cleaning up after her!! I have to tidy up after my boyfriend all the time. its not that he's particularly messy but I like things to be tidy and have their place so I just pick up his stuff because if it was up to him to do it, it would be days before it got moved.
2006-12-06 11:50:58 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i don't think her parents would allow it so why should you...is she moving back to her parents once the house is done? just tell her that this is causing trouble between you and your mate and that it's getting way out of hand, if she does not contribute with the cleaning etc, then she's to go, a little tough love goes a long way hun....she's taking advantage of your good hospitality...now it's time to put your foot down and MEAN it, let her see that your no pushover...don't let this cause friction in your household....
2006-12-06 11:50:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her either start cleaning up after her self more than once a week and if she cant handle that then maybe she should start looking for her own place to trash...you said you liked her but couldn't see getting a place of your own together maybe thats a sign that you shouldn't be together, she obviously has no repect for you or your friends.
2006-12-06 12:27:29 · answer #4 · answered by shellie11985 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her in no uncertain terms that you're tired of the mess, and if she doesn't start cleaning up after herself then she's going to have to leave, or pay for someone to come in and clean up after her every day.
If you have to, be really SPECIFIC about how you want her to clean up. (I had to do this with a college roommate of mine that was sloppy, because she just wouldn't GET it otherwise.) Say things like, "Your coat should go on a hanger in the closet, not on the chair." and "Put your shoes on the mat in the hall, where everyone else puts theirs. Wash your dishes as you use them, and then put them away in the cabinet. Don't leave them in the sink. Hang your towel on the rod after you take a shower, don't leave it on the bed." Things like that.
2006-12-06 11:43:18 · answer #5 · answered by Jess H 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No one but a pig wants to live in a pigsty.
You need to set some ground rules. Either she cleans up her act or she moves out. Give her a deadline to clean up the current mess and then make it clear that the clean up was not a one-time thing, but is an every day routine.
Then think seriously about whether or not you can live with her slob mentality forever. If not, tell her to move out because you're breaking up with her.
2006-12-06 11:43:06 · answer #6 · answered by Karen L 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
If she was paying a rent, well i would say she can "reasonably" be messy. After all, after a hard day at work, we just want to chill out. And to leave a coat on a coach is not a punishable crime in my books. But because she is not a flatmate but a guest (rent free), she has to abide to your other housemates rules. If it's not ok for them to leave a coat on a coach,then it's not ok and should respect their wishes.
2006-12-06 11:45:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need to decide if she is the girl for you. If she is already driving you this batty, maybe it is time to step away from the relationship. Make her stay with hew grandparents or where ever. Girls will come and go but Mates are there for life if you treat them right.
2006-12-06 11:44:50 · answer #8 · answered by jbenishmlt 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't she know about cleanliness as a woman she should know how to keep house, and especially how clean....sorry but she sounds nasty, and she dosent buck up her ideas i wouldn't be with her if she is so messy ewww.
2006-12-06 12:01:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her to get it sorted or get out. forget the fact that shes a slob, why on earth you would want to be in a relationship with someone that is just taking advantage of yours and your friends good nature?
2006-12-06 12:04:47 · answer #10 · answered by chameleonsoup 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋