My fiance is 23. He has been taking money out of our savings for gambling. About 3,600.00 in the past 2 weeks. He lies to me about going to this poolhall where he plays the machines there and loses like hundreds of dollars. When i find out about it he turns it around and tells me he doesn't want to be with someone who controls him. I honestly never tell him what to do. He tells me he doesn't want to go to the poolhall anymore because he loses so much money there, then 2 days later he goes and then lies about it and says he's working. It's like he chooses to make a responsible decision himself or willingly then lies about it. But he gets mad whenever i confront him about it so half the time i have to just bite my tongue so he doesn't get mad even though he was in the wrong for something. I want to support him through this gambling problem but i don't know how he won't go to meetings
2006-12-06 03:32:15 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Bet him $100 that he can't stop gambling.
seriously though Girl...if you're having these problems now, just imagine later. Get out while you can. BTW, 23 is WAY to early to get married.
2006-12-06 03:36:20 · answer #1 · answered by fly_girl_pc12 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is an addict. Plain and simple. He will always be an addict. He may change his current addiction for another one (like alcohol--or even addiction meetings--no kidding). But he will always be addicted. Any addict, and literature about addicts, will tel you this.
You will never change him.
You will eventually become the excuse he uses "if she didn't or if she would do (fill in the word) I wouldn't I have to do this."
I know you love him. But my advice is run. Don't waste the rest of your life thinking he is going to change..he will stop for awhile, but just as sure as the sun will rise in the east, he will start again.
You will spend the rest of your life in emotional turmoil. You will have the periods of time he is not gambling (or whatever addiction he has moved on to) and wondering when it will happen again, you will have the financial ruin when he is in the middle of a gambling bout, you will forever be paying back money to get out of one bout after another. You will raise your children alone. Your self esteem will be zero. After hearing for so long that you caused him to do this, you begin to believe it. You don't deserve this, neither do the children you will have some day.
2006-12-06 03:45:49 · answer #2 · answered by maamu 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to leave him. Now. Take your money and run as quickly as you can.
Sorry to be so blunt, but be serious. He is STEALING from you. He is LYING to you. He is an ADDICT.
He will not change until he hits rock bottom. This gambling addiction is making him a different person -- he is not the man you love. He is a stranger who is stealing from you.
Do you want to be there in the gutter with him too? Do you want to lose all of your savings to his addiction? Because I can assure you that is what is going to happen.
You can either leave him and move on or stay and end up in the gutter with him. Those are your only options when an addict refuses to see the truth.
2006-12-06 03:38:06 · answer #3 · answered by Karen L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, gambling is like any other addiction. A person can only be helped when they are ready and want to be helped. It's your choice if you want to wait around and see what happens, it could be a matter of a day's time to many years later.
Good luck and I hope you make a choice that makes you the happiest!
2006-12-06 03:35:36 · answer #4 · answered by ▒♥▒♥▒♥▒♥▒™ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Any addiction is hard on a relationship but I will say if he doesn't acknowledge the addiction he will never recover. Even after he acknowledges he has a problem he may not stop. I was married to a drug addict and know from experience he might just tell you he has a problem and you will have to just live with it if you love him. My husband told me this and that's when I knew i had to leave. Your husband will be an addict for the rest of his life no matter if he gets help or not. Also, nothing you say to him is going to make him get help. He must want to get help on his own, for himself , not to please you or to save your relationship.
2006-12-06 03:44:26 · answer #5 · answered by jordanfamilyof6 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gambling is an addiction like drug abuse or alcohol. Even if he goes to Gamblers Anonymous he will always have the urge to gamble. I suggest you end the relationship now, or you will always have to deal with this. He will only get sneakier and better about hiding it. You can try separate bank accounts, but he will beg you to help him and smile until you melt and say yes. You will never win in this situation.
2006-12-06 03:37:39 · answer #6 · answered by smartypants909 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has a problem, and it's as serious as drugs or alcohol. Either he gets some help immediately, or I would be gone. If you stay in the relationship, the bad will far outweigh the good.
This was on Dr. Phil just yesterday. Go on his website and check it out.
2006-12-06 03:36:38 · answer #7 · answered by Momma Jo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I can't think of a single reason for you to stay with him.
That you stay with him, letting him continue to have access to your bank account only validates his behaviour. What penalties does he face for all his lying and "stealing?"
The question you need to answer is do you really want this in your life? When let's face it, you don't have to have it in your life. Do you want to constantly have to deal with this? When it's only gonna get far worse before it finally get better?
Seriously, I can't think of a single reason for you to stay with him.
Always remember: if you can do better then you should. This is clearly one of those times.
2006-12-06 03:42:23 · answer #8 · answered by simm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋