how would you handle this family drama....????

Question

my sister moved into town (and in with my parents) last week....she is a drug addict/alcoholic and is manic depressive....the day she came into town i went to visit her and she got wierd and left without saying goodbye to me (after she called me 4 times to tell me how excited she was to see me)....then she called me twice that day and hung up on me both times....then the next morning she called and told me that she confronted one of our parents about being molested by the other parent (we were both molested as children)......i suffer from anxiety and depression and just recently got out of the hospital......i've already stopped talking to my sister cuz it's too stressful for me right now....and now she has confronted both of our parents about being molested and i'm afraid that it will cause an irrepairable rift in our family....i haven't spoken to my parents since they were confronted.....how would you handle this situation???

i have tried counseling for years with little to no success......and now i have no insurance-so it's really not an option for me

i am absolutely not ready, nor could i handle confronting my parents at this point in time

Answer 1

You have your hands full but I have been in a similar situation myself and to be honest I cut all ties with everyone until I knew I was ready to deal with them and the situation. You have to do what's best for you and at this time I think cutting all ties would be the best thing for you.

Answer 2

You definitely want to set boundaries for your sister as you do not need the stress your sister will undoubtedly cause if she continues doing drugs. As for your parents, you should not worry about the upset they will feel about your sisters confrontation, she has every right to confront her molester and if it upsets him/her they will need to get over it, the upset this person caused you and your sister is far beyond any hurt feelings or upset the molester will ever feel. Your anxiety and depression are more than likely due to being molested as a child, as your sisters drug use is a symptom of abuse as well. Your sister needs some help, so don't give up on her all together, but let her know that you can not be around her if she is using drugs, if she seeks help than you can both be there for each other. If you have forgiven your molester then the confrontation shouldn't cause a rift between you and your parents, and if it does then you are better off without them. Neither of your parents have the right to be upset with you for what your sister says or does. If they do get upset with you, then the relationship is too unhealthy and you should run...not walk away!

Answer 3

If professional counseling is not an option for you then the best counseling would be to deal with the issues head on they have already been brought to the serface and now you can confront it and be angry and sad and let the person who hurt you know how it has effected you and even though that person cant take back what they have done they can be sorry to you and you then can start the healing process together as a family. The rift has already started so take advantage of it and get it all out.

Answer 4

I am sorry to hear you've had such a horrible past and your sister as well. She also is trying to deal with the nightmare and this is her way of handling it. I could not imagine the mental stress that this could cause on anyone let alone the scars. I'm not too sure how either of you could be around anyone that did that to you? Until this is brought out and dealt with, you will always carry it in the back of your mind and it haunts you I'm sure. The fact that you are afraid that its going to cause a rift? Dear, the rift started when the parent invaded your space! I definitely would never go around that person and if your having children? Please keep them away from that person as well. This person needs to be put away! God bless you and your sister..... neither of you should have ever had this happen. I'm so disgusted in your parents. UGH!

Answer 5

You fear your sister's talking will cause an irreparable rift?What about the molestation? What kind of damage has that done? To you? To your sister? It sounds like you have exhausted your mental and physical energy trying to keep the peace.

Distance is good at this time. This is a good time to get help for yourself.I suggest an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon group so you can begin to concentrate on yourself and to detach from the chaos of the family. Additionally, if you search you will find sexual abuse survivors support groups as well as a personal therapist that may be helpful.

You cannot control the other people in the family, it is not your responsibility to soothe conflicts. Your job is to take care of yourself. When you do that on all levels: emotional, physical and spiritual, you will find anxiety and depression lifting. Worrying about the past adds to depression and worrying about the future adds to anxiety. Take care of yourself in this moment.

Answer 6

Talk to yuor parents, a lawyer and the COPS. And keep weekly appointments with a therapist.

You are worried about an irreparable rift in your family? THERE SHOULD BE! There could be an irreparable rift in your psyche and your ability to have healthy relationships because you were molested. THERE SHOULD BE DISCHORD IN YOUR FAMILY! Children should not be molested by their parents, and your OTHER parent has a RIGHT to know and the RIGHT to file for divorce after finding out.

YEAH, there SHOULD be repurcussions for this action. Don't be quiet about it - speak up, press charges!! Get some closure so you can move on with your life.

Answer 7

I am sorry that you are going thru this. Your sister is hurting and she is finally lashing out the only way she knows how. Just hang in there because she will really need you more than ever later. Right now you are doing the best to protect yourself continue to do that. If it is possible please try and get counseling because it really helps to have a third unrelated party to talk to. But, unfortunately it will cause a rift in your family. In time the anger will lessen and you will be able to talk to your parents and sister. Please be strong and don't give up on yourself or your sister.

Answer 8

If expert counseling isn't an selection for then you the terrific counseling could be to handle the subject concerns head on they have already been introduced to the serface and you may now confront it and be offended and unhappy and enable the guy who harm you already know the way it has effected you or maybe nonetheless that individual cant take lower back what they have executed they could be sorry to you and additionally then you may commence the therapeutic technique mutually as a kinfolk. The rift has already began so take great ingredient approximately it and get all of it out.

Answer 9

I have been molested too and what you should relise is your sister as much as she mayh seem to be falling apart, she is doing what she is capable of because she has been hurt as a kid and that in intself has ruined whatever self esteem she has, whatever behaviour that is being displayed is her reaching out for help because as it stands her closet is overfull and what you are seeing is them being emptied maybe not in alogical fashion but she is doing what needs to be done to survive, you may see her confrontation with your parents as pushing your family apart but in actual fact to move forward and have a healthy and rewarding relationship your family needs to deal with the pain. I have been there, and its best when the things that have hurt you are out in the open. I hope you will support your sister in anyway you can, and I wish you well in your life, the faster you empty your closet the faster you can truly let the pain have no power over you.

Answer 10

you need to stick with your sister,even if the past get brought up again i know it's hard ,my sister was molested as a child by a family member and i never left her side ,till this day her and i have a very strong bond,but your sister needs you in this time of pain, sorry that this happened to you two