So my boyfriend and I were together for 5 years. Classic highschool sweethearts... He had always had feeling for his ex and that was ok with me because he said that it was his first love. She moved outta state to go to college. And its seemed like everytime she was home I wouldn't see or talk to him for DAYS.. I find out that they hooked up but I find out YEARS later... He said at the time we were fighting and he didn't know if he wanted to be together anymore.. Now I am wondering what else I don't know about or if what he has been telling me the entire time what BS..How can I trust him again? And yea I still love him but hate him all at the same time HELP....
2006-12-06 03:10:02 · 19 answers · asked by karebear0603 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Well this is a hard one. Marriages have recovered from one act of adultery, but your not married so even if you are committed to each other there will always be a chance of one of you thinking if the grass is greener on the other side. How strong is your bond with each other? Does he truly feel you are it forever? Than why hasn't he asked for your hand? In any relationship there are ups and downs but his cheating will always make you insecure. If you don't have any children with him my suggestion would be to break up. Of course you will love him, for a long while. I remember when I was in an abusive relationship I still loved him even though I had to leave. Ask yourself this: Does he really feel remorse for what he did or does he blame you for his having to find love somewhere else? Will he be able to let you know exactly were he is all the time and exactly when he will be home and how long does it take to get home and who is everybody on his cell phone and what did they talk about and for how long? Because you will be asking all these questions every day for along time. That is how he will eventually win your trust back. If you think he will be upset with the third degree all the time then dump him...He is not really remorseful for what he did.
2006-12-06 03:33:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't believe that statement "Once a cheater always a cheater". People do change. And girls don't think that you don't cheat because you do to. It's not always the guys fault.
People do change and if the couple would just talk about how they feel for one another and always spend time together then I don't think cheating will happen again.
2006-12-06 03:20:24 · answer #2 · answered by Mr. Jeff - It is what it is ☺ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would never put up with a cheater because it's just like your heading states... "Once a cheater, always a cheater"
There is no reason for you to trust him again and quite frankly, I'd be suprised if you did.
Sometimes it hurts to change things; to move on. But, sometimes its for the best.
You deserve better girl!
2006-12-06 03:13:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's tough. If he's not giving any indication that he's currently cheating you could probably trust and forgive. If there are signs of infidelity then question him. You were betrayed in the past and have the right to wonder now. You may think you love him, but why would you love someone that hurts you?
2006-12-06 03:13:54 · answer #4 · answered by Cyber Stalker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry that you have been with this guy for 5 years, because honestly to me it seems like he is not worth your time.
The question you should be asking yourself is, "am i really happy degrading myself with a guy that cannot completely give me his whole heart because he still loves his ex?"
My first love it took me a long time to get over...It took me about 3 years to get over. I wouldn't date anyone seriously until I was completely over them and ready and willing to give them my heart. This took me NOT TALKING to my ex, so that I could give myself time. The memories will always be there, but now the feelings are gone.
Your boyfriend skipped this step. He remained talking to his ex after the break up, and still had feelings for her while going out with you. If you want to be with him in the long run, you need to break it off now and tell him that he needs to get over his ex. Not talk to her, etc. If he is not willing to do it, then honey, he is not worth it. You do NOT want to be with someone that cannot completely give you your heart. It is not worth your time.
You will look back on this if you do not do anything, and you will say "why in the hell did i waste 5 years of my life with someone who didn't feel the same way i did?"
Relationships do not work when one person feels more strongly than the other. You obviously feel more passionate about this relationship, since your heart is completely his...He CANNOT give you all of his love because he still has feelings for his ex. Get out of this relationship, at least for now, until he is over her. By over her, I mean not calling her and asking to "hang out"...That is just weird.
2006-12-06 03:15:41 · answer #5 · answered by GirlInMassachusettTOWN 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He seemed like he had feelings for her all this time, even for years and took advantage of the opportunity since he always had it in him. I think it would be hard for you to trust him again, and even though it's difficult I think there are some better men out there for you.
2006-12-08 18:54:03 · answer #6 · answered by purringout 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If every time you fight, he has to run to someone else, you have nothing. That was only an excuse, he was seeing if she was going to get back with him. You don't go running back to your ex, just because you had a fight, and don't know if he wants to get back with you or not. If it was me I would say there is the door. Apparently his
ex didn't want him back so he came back to you.
2006-12-06 03:21:16 · answer #7 · answered by CHEROKEE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
will you spend the rest of the relationship "hating" him?
Fool me once, shame on you.. fool me twice shame on me.
What would you do if he cheated on you again, and didn't tell you until 5 years after the fact?
If you took him back after cheating once, chances are he figures you're a 'safe bet', so he'll keep cheating, and you'll keep taking him back.
2006-12-06 03:15:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If someone can cheat on you once, their feelings were never strong enough for you and never will be. And you will always resent the fact that he did this. I can't tell you what to do, but it usually never works out.
2006-12-06 03:13:54 · answer #9 · answered by KellyBelle 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give him up. he'll always be a cheater and you don't want all those second thoughts on the back of your mind. you can find someone better, trust me. find someone that respects you as much as you respect them
2006-12-06 03:12:56 · answer #10 · answered by Mandie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋