HELP my kids don't mind me!?

Question

I have four kids three boys 7, 4, 18 months, and one girl 18 months. The twins are still toddlers, they don't really get in a lot of trouble. I mean RJ hits his sister sometimes, and gets in trouble for that, but other than that, they're angels. It's the older two that I'm having huge problems with! They simply refuse to mind me at all! My biggest problem is trying to get them to help me around the house. If I could just get them to pick up after themselves it'd be a big help. I've tried everything I can think of and nothing it working! I've tried a chore chart, with a reward at the end of the week. I've tried grounding them, although I'm not entirely sure you can ground a 4 year old. I hate to spank them. I reserve spankings for serious wrong doings, things that could be harmful to them or somebody else. I'm just out of ideas here! My mom says they're "out of control" and I need to get a grip on them before they're teenagers. I know she's right, but how do I get them to mind me? HELP!

I've tried taking their toys away. I've tried taking the TV away! I even had the cable turned off because it's never on anymore. Nothing works! I do discipline them. They get in trouble, but they still won't help me out around here.

Dad's deployed for a year, and we're stationed in Germany, no Mom here to help out, there's just me right now.

I really appreciate the help, but you're all telling me to do things that can't be done, or that I'm already trying! They can't have one on one time with Dad, he's not here. I've taken away their toys, they DON'T care. My husband left August 31st. I unplugged the cable the weekend after he left and told them it was NOT coming back on until they cleaned their room! I ended up having it turned off because we weren't watching it! I need them to pick up after themselves!

Example: This weekend I spent the morning cleaning the twins room. The older two had trashed it. I wiped down the walls, cleaned the floors, everything. Then while I was cleaning up in the kitchen after lunch, they went back into the twins room and trashed it AGAIN! I told them they have no business being in their. It's not their room and they should NOT be making messes in it. I can't clean my house because while I'm cleaning in one area, they're making HUGE messes elsewhere!

making chores a racs might do the trick once or twice, but like you said, kids catch on quick. I tried allowance about a month ago. It worked the first week, but after that they didn't care anymore. I've even gone as far as to threaten them that Santa Clause doesn't come visit little boys that don't mind their moms. They simply don't care. I've taken their toys away, they don't care. I've taken the TV away, they don't care. I bought them Monster House right before Halloween, and they still haven't been allowed to watch it. I'm not making idle threats, I've stood by my word. If they don't straighten up soon, the twins will be visited by Santa Clause and not them. Maybe that will get the point across. Is that too harsh?

Answer 1

I understand and I'm sorry. I only have one that was acting that way, I don't know what I would do if it was four of them running around. I know you have tried everything but maybe this version is a little different. This was the only thing that worked for me. At first if my daughter did not clean up, then everything I had to pick up was taken away and she had to earn it back. Well that worked for about a month....the problem was that she had to much stuff and would forgot about what I took away and move on to something else. What I finally did was one weekend when she was at her fathers house (I don't know if you can get the older ones out of the house with someone else long enough) I packed up everything...I mean everything she had. I boxed it up and locked it in the spare room, it was so full that you could not even walk in there. She was left with her bed and dresser in the room. I did not even leave her hair bows or bath toys. I did leave some crayons, blank paper and some board games and computer in the play area. You have to at least leave them a couple of things to be able to take away if needed. She had to earn everything back and she could only pick one thing a week. If she did not pick up after herself, talked back or did not listen to me then she would lose one of the things that either I left out for her or something that she had earned back already. It only took her a week to catch on and to this day it still is working pretty good. In order for it to work I had to get her down to nothing to make her realize that I was fed up. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

well heres what i would do... I would pick a cleaning day, and stick to it. call it the household cleaning day, everyone helps. let the older ones do the dishes and run vac and let the younger ones dust, find some music and play it loud, tell them that its a race to see who can do their job the fastest and who done the best job , separate them on the chores, and for the ones that dont want to do it ... they have to stay on the chair until all others are done , if that dont work then try the corner . I'm not a parent that believes in spanking children but i do believe that each child has a mind of their own , make them write sentences or read aloud. do you give them a allowance each week? do you take them shopping and let them pick out what they want? only give to the ones that help, going shopping and seeing all the kids get something and you dont will make them want to do something the next time. hope this helps

Answer 3

Girl, I hear you I too have a 7 year and 5 year old boys and a 4 year girl. My boys are a pain in the butt most of the time. They do not listen to me either. I do not know if it is a boy thing or the age they are at. But what I found that works the best is to put them in the concern, send them to their room, put them to bed by 7pm, or not let them go out side after school. I to do not like to spank them and also found it does nothing to them. If I spank them they just laugh at me. So what I really found that works the best is when they lose some thing they really like. Such as a game or no TV and so on. It is Worth a try. Good Luck.

Answer 4

I am 27 with 2 sons, age 6 and 7. I was raised with 8 brothers and sisters including a set of twins. The problem is that the older 2 are used to the attention that the younger 2 are getting so basically they are fighting to get it however they can. The best way to handle the situation is to issue a reward system. Give them goals or chores and tasks to do and when they complete one fof them then reward them. Take time to devote to each of them seperately. Then when they misbehave, threaten to shorten this time or take it away.

Answer 5

I have had the same problem with my 3 (daughter 12 and 2 boys 10 and 8). With the fighting (which ever ones are doing it) I make them sit back to back on the living room floor. They cannot talk or move for 10 minutes. I'll tell you, that's the best punishment I can give, they definitely don't want to touch whomever their mad at. For the not picking up after themselves, I stop doing whatever it is that they want me to do. For example, if they don't pick up, then I don't make dinner. It's amazing when they get hungry enough how fast they toys get picked up!! lol

Answer 6

Start by figuring out exactly what you want from them and start taking away things--video games, toys, tv in rooms, bikes, anything that is very important in their lives. Lay down the new rules and specify what will happen if they are not followed, "make your bed each morning or bed time will be an hour early" or whatever you want. Also tell them their toys and games are a privlege not a right and that you will keep them until the rules are followed. The most important thing is to be persistant!!!

Answer 7

Start with small projects and work your way up. Remind the kids to clean up after themselves. If they continue to leave things out (clothes, toys etc) tell them if they leave it out again you are going to throw them away. Don't actually throw them away, hide them until they get the point (atleast a couple of weeks). Start with the seven year old. the four year old may still need reminders and he may also follow the actions of the oldest. Use something they really love as an incentive IE, video games, TV, snacks, juice with dinner, going outside. If you say you are going to take something away stick with your word (no idle threats, kids catch on fast). Hope this helps.

Answer 8

Maybe they just feel like they need more attention. The four year old would set in time outs and the 7 yr old would be grounded and things taken away. I would also try to do more things that will target alone time with both of them individually. Put them in an extra curricular activity like karate or gymnastics those are good for teaching discipline. Keep them involved with things.

Answer 9

Who provides a fuc* what they think of. Going to a Catholic college is stable i think. yet, you form of do make your self sound slutty by employing saying "we positioned on extra revealing clothing, get extra boys, and sleep with extra boys often then you definitely do." Hm, seems such as you would be able to desire to recover from your self a lil', eh? If that's the form you're performing you do no longer belong at a Catholic college WHY ARE YOU happy with BEING terrible? Ya, it gets you no the place. i are turning out to be 4 alcohol minors, community provider, aa conferences, i've got been arrested and that i'm only 17...& i'm pregnant. From attempting to be "undesirable" & get below the effect of alcohol each weekend.. enhance up somewhat.

Answer 10

If you find it, throw it out (or lock it up). When they start running out of toys, they will get the idea. For clothes and stuff, just dump them where it is most inconvenient for them. Your Mom is right, they are out of control if the do not head your directives. Coercion, coercion, coercion. Find something that matters and squeeze. If grounding is not working, I have to wonder what sort of grounding it is exactly. No TV, no phone, no friends, no video games, only selected books, homework and chores normally gets to most any kid.