serial adulterer? I always thought I should protect them from that information - you know, take the high road. I read something recently that said you should tell them when they ask and they asked. My instincts say don't tell them yet. They are 13 and 16 both girls.
2006-12-06 02:29:33 · 38 answers · asked by porkchop 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
They asked me flat out if he cheated and I told them to ask him because he would know the answer to that question. I didn't want to lie but I didn't want to tell them. I was floored that they asked. Maybe they already know.
2006-12-06 02:37:01 · update #1
When they ask what really happened (children always do at some point) tell them a polite version of the truth. You can always say something like "Dad and I had many problems in our relationship and unfortunately, he took his affections elsewhere during our time together". They do have a right to know the truth. You don't want them to wind up in the same situation right?
2006-12-06 02:33:43 · answer #1 · answered by Christabelle 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
If they are asking you should be honest with them. But that doesn't mean you have to give them all of the details. You don't have to tell them that he's a serial adulterer, you could just tell them that he has a problem with being faithful. If they are 13 and 16, they will probably figure out that if he has a problem being faithful he is a serial adulterer. Plus, they need to know what the signs are so that when they are in a relationship they won't let some guy cheat on them because they think that's just normal behavior. Good luck.
2006-12-06 02:38:34 · answer #2 · answered by kat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
thats a tough one. At first when i read your question i was going to say that theyll figure it out as they get older but.....the 16 year old might be old enough now to tell her. You know her better than we do and how she would react. Plus theyre both girls so that makes the situation different too i guess. I have 2 boys 9 & 11 and their biological father is an *** and a deadbeat alcoholic who used to beat me, doesnt ever come around or call and doesnt pay child support. They are just now starting to ask some questions about him but i only answer to a certain extent. They have started to figure out that hes not a "dad" and they dont want to see him ever. I would never say anything bad to them or negative about your ex no matter what. Maybe wait with your 13 year old until shes 16 or 17. Wish I could help more. Good luck to you :)
2006-12-06 02:40:02 · answer #3 · answered by tulips♥77 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Without making a desperate attempt to forever taint their image of their dad I think you should tell them when they ask, just as the literature you read, suggested. I'm sure you've done a great job with your daughters and at the age of 13 and 16 they should be ready to take on truths that the world offers. It's not good to keep the truth a secret because then they would never understand why mom and dad didn't stay together which would then cause more confusion. They are going to be exposed to blatant truths all throughout their lives and you should be the first to prepare them for it. Good luck!
2006-12-06 02:35:21 · answer #4 · answered by lildiesel2001 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would most certainly tell them my ex was always in and out of prison and when my daughter was younger she only seen him like once a year or less but he'd give her like $5 and she thought he was so much better than I never said a word I never opened my mouth until one day she was telling me I was no good her dad was better she was about 10 and told her you wanna know what your dad owes me $35,000.00 in Child support when he found out he had to pay he quit his job he steals for a living and I'm sorry we don't have much but it's honest and if your father really cared he would be helping now at 13 her dad will be released from prison when she's 15 she see's the truth and knows I love her and I try my best.
2006-12-06 02:38:14 · answer #5 · answered by fluttergirl2004 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was 14 when my parents divorced because of my dad's inability to keep it in his pants. My mom told me up front what was going on..... it was a huge lesson in monagomy and what happens if you aren't monagomous (my mom got an STD).
I say if they're old enough to have the birds and the bees talk, then they're probably old enough to get it that some people aren't respectful about that stuff.
Like others have said, make sure that you break it softly to them- no need for numbers or specific details. Something to the effect that Dad cheated on Mom and that's not how a marriage is supposed to be. And then stress that you love them lots and that they didn't do anything to cause it.
2006-12-06 02:37:31 · answer #6 · answered by Tyler's Mommy 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well ask them what they think that really is. Then ask them how they would feel if he was. Then see if they could really handle the truth at that age. I don't know if I would want to know that at 13. I think 16 is ok but 13 might be too young. Use your own judgment. You know them better then anyone and after you ask them the questions I mentioned above then use your judgment on how you should handle the situation. Good luck!
2006-12-06 02:33:39 · answer #7 · answered by irish20 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good for you for wanting to take the "high road"! I hate when parents trash talk the ex's to their children. Your instincts are usually the best bet to follow, but what if they hear it from someone else? You want them to come to you with any question they have and they deserve an honest answer. I would tell them minimal information, which will still hurt, but at least you're being level with them, and obviously you're there for them when they need you. Best of luck to you and your daughters.
2006-12-06 04:53:22 · answer #8 · answered by grannyhuh 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your children are old enough to understand what is going on and they deserve to know the truth about their father. I'm not saying you should bad mouth him because that will just add more resentment towards him. I do however think you should sit them down and explain to them that You and their father simply could not make things work because of his cheating but by no means does that mean that they aren't loved. Explain to them, that no matter what, he is still their father and the both of you will always work together when it comes to their needs. Also explain to them that the divorce or separation is by no means, their fault. Good Luck.
2006-12-06 02:35:57 · answer #9 · answered by Danelle 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say he has a problem with commitment. Tell them exactly that he is your ex because you would not compromise but that his commitment problems have nothing to do with them. Make it into a lesson for later on that they should not stay in a bad relationship. You are a living example to them of how to have self esteem and self worth. You raised your two daughters and they should be proud of you for that.
You have taken the high road for awhile now. They are teenagers and not ignorant to the world. Let them know the truth.
2006-12-06 02:34:56 · answer #10 · answered by TrixyLoo 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋