My 25 month old will not sleep through the night and I think my wife is to blame?

Question

Our 25 month old son sleeps in our room and starts out in his own bed.
The problem is my wife has got him accustomed to 1 or 2 nightly feedings of milk so he wakes up usually once around 12:30 - 0100am at which point she brings him in our bed, feeds him and then he stays in our bed because he wines and cries if we try to put him back in his own bed.

Then he wakes up again around 2:30-3:30 in the morning and gets another feeding of milk. Every time he wakes up he starts wining and crying and we are getting hardly any sleep. I tell her to put him back in his own bed but at his first cry she brings him back into our bed!!!!

How in God's name can I break this cycle????

I just want to clarify, we are not talking about breast feeding at 25 months old.
Just that we have to get up at night and make him some milk usually mixed with Nestles Quick (strawberry or chocolate) it hasn't affected his weight adversely yet but I agree with most of you that he is way too old to be getting bottles in the middle of the night.
Thanks for your responses and kepp them coming.

Answer 1

He does not need any feeding in the middle of the night, he's 2. It's just a bad habit at this point and possibly a sugar fix that he must have since you all mix that crap his milk. I'm sorry to be rude about the Nestle mix, but it's crap and it ruins the nutritional value of the milk. If it were me, I would go cold turkey, no "feedings" in the middle of the night, no bringing him into your bed, and no going back. You have to be firm and let him cry it out. It's not going to hurt him, but allowing him to continue like this could. It could cause serious sleep issues as he gets older, even adult insomnia. It may take a few nights but once he knows you are serious and no one is coming in to get him, he'll learn and start to get those self soothing techniques that he can use to get himself back to sleep unassisted.

Answer 2

Is he nursing? And is your wife happy with him nursing in the night. I guess that's about the age we taught my daughter that we would nurse before bed and not again until it was light outside. She got it and did well. We had tried before but she hadn't been ready. It's normal for kids to need to reconnect during the night, though. Even now she'll wake up in the night maybe one night in three and come into our bed to snuggle. I don't want to make her be alone and scared in her room. Does he whine and cry if your wife feeds him?

If the milk feedings are not nursing I suggest switching to water. You shouldn't have to get up in the night to go get some milk to give him. Water you can just keep by the bed.

There are a lot of options here. I suggest checking out http://www.askdrsears.com. Click on "sleep problems". There is nothing wrong with a child waking in the night unless it's not working for the parents, but it sounds like it's not working for you. There are a lot of gentle ways you can help him.

Things are also going to get a lot better soon as he gets older.

Answer 3

Your wife is going to rot your child's teeth out of his mouth, unless these nightly wakings also include teeth brushing! Stop the feedings! Yes, he will cry, but probably only for a week or two (a month at the ABSOLUTE most) and then you will never have to deal with it again. And leave the kid in his bed. Sorry, but let the kid grow up already, he should be way beyond that!

Answer 4

First off he shouldn't be having milk at night, it's bad for his teeth. The lactose ( sugar that is in milk) will sit and give him cavities. Secondly he is old enough to make it through the night without food. If you must i would just give a sippy cup of water and set it by his bed. So start with the milk which is sort of health issue involving his teeth. Then work on the sleeping in his own bed thing, I used to allow my son to come into our bed if he woke up, it was just easier but soon the kid gets bigger and the parents find themselves with no space to rollover. You get little feet in your side and it lessens your privacy and comfort. The only way to break this is to refuse to let him in your bed, if he cries go and comfort him in his room maybe offer a stuffed animal. It will be tough and he will resist but in the long run it will be better for everyone involved. It would help if you took turn comforting him in his bed and then eventually allow him just to cry it out. They can only cry so long before they fall asleep exhausted, think of it as a contest and make sure you win. Of course if your wife is not in on this plan then maybe you will just have to move into your son's room and sleep there hopefully she will miss you and then want to help you resolve this problem.

Answer 5

First don't blame your wife. That will only cause pain in your relationship. Next you need to address the problem with your sons sleeping. My wife and I actaully caught a TV special on getting kids to sleep through the night just as our son was born and it worked.

First, you need to nicely convince your wife that your son no longer needs nightly feedings. At 25 months he may not need breast feeding at all. Talk with your pediatrician if needed to help convince her.

Next put your child in bed and walk out.
The first night if they cry let them cry for 5 min. then go in and try to make sure they are ok without picking them up.
Next night 10 min, next night 15. Remember crying is just the babie's way of communicating, it doesn't automatically mean theirs a problem. Same thing with the middle of the night. Don't feed, let cry for 5 min. don't pick up try to comfort and put back to sleep. next night 10.. and so on. But you have to break the cycle. Our son slept through the night by 6 months old.

Best of Luck

Answer 6

You need to break the cycle. Have you read What to Expect.....?

The child should not be sleeping in bed with you, there is a suffocation risk. The night feedings are not uncommon but at 2 years, should not be happing. It is okay to allow your child to cry, it works the lungs. just make sure the child is safe and not truly needing you. I went through the same thing almost. I let my daughter sleep in my bed until she was 3, then I had to break her from it. It was hard but so worth it.
Bring it up to your wife that it is not okay to do this any longer.

I would sugguest reading the What to Expect when ..... series. ther eis a lot of answers in the books and they are being revised all the time.

Best of luck!

Answer 7

He's 2 and he's still getting nightly feedings? At that age he shouldn't be drinking milk before bed/at any time during the night without having his teeth brushed. Your wife needs to stop the nightly feedings (at 2, he doesn't need them) and will therefore stop the sleeping in your bed. Take a family trip to the pediatrician to have him/her tell your wife this.

Answer 8

first of all she shouldnt be feeding a 2 year old at night anyways.hes old enough to sleep through the night without it!she should give him a sippy cup with some water in it and send him back to bed.its probably more of an emotional thing for him anyways.hes not hungry!i know as a mom that its hard to put them back in bed but thats the only way to stop it!it will be rough a few nights but then hell be just fine!oh and hes a smart kid he knows that crying means he can stay so you need to stop it now!good luck!

Answer 9

You just stop the milk at night. He does not need it at the age of 2. Let him cry it out. If he gets out of bed..quietly put him back and keep doing it. It may take a few nights but it does work.

Answer 10

First of all, he should not be feeding two times a night. He's two-years-old, not a newborn. You should wean him to one feeding a night and eventually none. Also, she should be sitting in some kind of chair when she feeds him, not bringing him into your bed. He's going to whine and cry as these changes are made, but if you stay strong, things will be much better in the long run.