whats the best way too deal with step kids?

Question

my new partner doesnt like the way my teenage daughter treats me sometimes, but he,s afraid too say anything, but does too me and i get a bit defensive! they do on a whole get along great

Answer 1

Being a step-child myself I can give you the benefit of my experience.

1) The step-parent still has a right to be treated with respect in their own home. A step-child will test the boundaries because they know how nervous a step-parent can be
2) NEVER EVER bad-mouth the absent parent (even if they deserve it!!)
3) The step-parent should take an active interest in the child's life. You are not their friend, but kids where a split/death has happened in the family they have an extra need to feel important and valued.
4) Step parent and biological parent must back each other up with any disciplinary decisions.
5) Talk to each other. It is easy for a step-child to manipulate the situation because both parents will be "walking on egg shells"
6) Remember, this is difficult for all involved but you do all love each other!

Good luck, I’m sure that by being sensitive and using your common sense you will have a happy home life.

Answer 2

I agree with everyone here, they should be treated as if they were your own or your partners own child. But keep in mind that you DO NOT take the place of their mom or dad. As the bio-mom or dad you may find that it helps to remind yourself that this is a new situation for both your child and partner. Also keep it in mind that this is your child and that most parents become offensive if their child rearing is being scrutinized.

You both have to be on the same page with the child(ren). Don't disagree about how one parent is handling a situation in front of the child(ren), do it away from them. They don't need to see that they can 'pit' one parent against the other.

Being a step-parent isn't the easiest job in the world because not only do have a little person to help in adjusting to you in a parental role you have their other mom or dad to help. :)

I wish you and your partner lots of luck in figuring things out as a family.

Answer 3

TREAT THEM SAME AS YOUR VERY OWN. A teenager is much harder to deal with than younger ones. When I married a mother of 4, I treated them exactly same as I would my very own. My wife and I talked and mostly agreed on what should be best for them. The children would never know if there was the least amount of disagreement regarding their wellbeing. Only the eldest of the 4 resent me now. The other 3 accept me same as their real Dad. The 2 youngest call me Dad, by their own choosing and name me when asked who is their Dad. Ages were 5,9,14, & 15. Now 34 and up.

Answer 4

Well, I'm a teenager daughter and i have a step dad. If me and mum have a barny he usually just looks a bit confused. It is natural for him to not like the way she treats you, if she treats you badly, as he loves you and doesnt like to see you mistreated. Why not tell him why you get defensive ande get him to talk to your daughter. He can act as a mediator between you two and may help things get along. If he still doesnt want to talk to her then you have every right to tell him that the "relationship with my daughter is my problem, thank you for your concern".

Answer 5

As you are the mom you need to have a heart to heart with your daughter and see how she would feel about having your partner contributing to the discipline of the household. Then talk to your partner and lay some ground rules as well. Your new partner needs to know what you will allow and what you won't allow - This is the same kind of talk any new partnership should have whether children are involved or not

Answer 6

I have two step children and I treat them no differently than I do my own 3 children. There is no difference. It is our nature to become defensive. If they on a whole are getting along leave it alone. If your daughter treats you with disrespect stick up for yourself and do not allow this type of behavior. Respect yourself.

Answer 7

honey i am (kinda like) a step mum and i never interfere even when i see his kids trying to pull a fast one on my partner, his son is 32 and he's a total b@stard to his dad, if he does not get his own way, he makes my partners life hell...his son is a one hit wonder...cant hold a job down, alwaqys whining that his life is going no where but never does anything about it, he always comes whinging to his dad when he's knee deep in crap, at 32 you'd expect him to deal with his stuff, but he is too selfish and bone idle to do that.... here an example....my partner lent him £300 recently so he could get presents for Christmas, today he came in and told his dad that he'd been fired..(again) this is the 4th job he's had this year....i bit my lip, stayed quiet....he's done this so many times before and must owe him around £3,000, and not once has he said "here dad, heres some money back that i borrowed" his son does this on a regular basis, gets a job, borrows money and then gets fired...my partner just shrugs if off, but i know deep down he's pissed off with the whole thing, my partner is a very patient man....if i had a say in the matter i would be down his throat like a rat down a bog hole..if my partner refuses to lend him money then he's all the b@stards under the sun....his daughters are not that bad, i have been with him for 10 years and seen alot of things which i don't like but it is not my place to say anything....but believe me, i do want to rap him around the mouth when he treats his dad like that....theres some things that you can say to a partner which will make you go on the defensive, but really, they dont have a say in the matter unless you allow them to intervene...so it's up to you to allow him to discipline your daughter if you are planning on a long term relationship with him.....it's your shout hun.,....

Answer 8

My marriage has suffered on the subject step kids and I have just seen my cousin getting divorced second time due to problems between his new wife and his kids from previous marriage.
Unfortunatelly I guess your partner will have to learn to bite his tongue when he sees something wrong, because 100 out of 100 parents will become defensive whenever someone criticises anything about their kids. I guess you are not wrong, I have never met a parent who wouldnt do the same even if the kid was wrong. It is an protective instinct. That is why it would be wiser on his part to keep distant on this subject.

Answer 9

I have two step-parents, both my mother and father are re-married. My step-mother's son Nate was raised alone by her until she met my dad. Nate's dad was an adulterer and never paid child support, so she empowered Nate with the idea that he could get what ever he wanted from his mother which turned him into a disrespecting brat at 10 years old. My dad helped to correct the problem, but fro 7 years it was non-stop arguments among everybody. YOU are the parent, they are the children. You must act as a parent, respect yourself and respect them, but you have to make it clear that you and your partner are the supreme authorities. Make clear that there is no difference between a punishment you hand out and one your partner hands out. Nip this in the bud now before it gets out of control. Good luck.

Answer 10

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