no matter how much I clean and prepare our home for this occasion, she will always find something wrong. Should I take this personal? My husband tells me that she dose'nt mean anything by it. PLEASE HELP!!!!!
2006-12-06 01:26:41 · 14 answers · asked by Shannon B 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Well, shame on her. I can tell that you care and are doing the very best you can, which I'm sure is more than fine. Us in-laws have issues that the other in-law can't fix. It's easier said than done, but blow it off. Your husband could pipe up and say, "Gee, Mom, I think the house is perfect" or "There's nothing wrong with that. Shannon worked really hard to get everything ready for your visit." My problem is the other way around. Nothing is ever good enough at my house, but everything is so perfect and wonderful at my daughter-in-law's family's houses. I wish we could love and accept each other for who we are. Nobody's perfect, but nobody likes being continually picked on either. If we didn't care or try, that would be a whole other issue. Don't let anyone wreck your love or holidays. Best wishes.
2006-12-06 01:41:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, your mother-in-law is as human as you are. Do you have children? If so, you don't havve time to worry about how clean your house is for this occassion, your focus is making sure that you are together as a family and that everyone is enjoying the holiday. I would suggest that if you know that the holiday is going to be spent at your house, then invite her over to assist in the preparation for this ahead of time so that the house is cleaned to her satisfaction. Ask her to help clean and cook. This should also allow the two of you to have some bonding time. If she refuses, then kindly explain to her that you notice that she complains every year and that you do what you can to make her comfortable, and that her complaints hurt you. If she agrees to come and help a few days in advance of the holiday, then she only complains because she feels that she can turn you into who she wants you to be or control you. Do you watch the tv show, "Everybody Loves Raymond?" She sounds like Marie. Let her think that she cleaned the house for the holiday while you prepare the food and/or the kids. She will have something different to complain about next Christmas.
Merry Christmas and Good Luck.
2006-12-06 09:56:23 · answer #2 · answered by mrschloerichardson 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you continue to invite this woman into your house to criticize you. I think that this year you should pull the plug on the abuse and suggest meeting in a neutral place such as a restaurant for brunch keep the visit to a limit of two hours then go home and give yourself the best gift of all which will be to be able to enjoy the rest of the holiday without having to worry about this woman's nasty mouth. Your husband really needs to back you on this and tell his mother that her behaviour is totally unacceptable and will no longer be tolerated.
2006-12-06 09:38:20 · answer #3 · answered by Deirdre O 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to find a creative way to defend yourself & make her realize that what she is doing is hurtful. My stepmother said something I felt was completely inappropriate at Thanksgiving dinner. It was an insult directed at my father, not me. Her parents were there, & I wanted to point out how rude she was being without becoming as bad as her. So before my dad could say anything in response, I turned to my husband & said very loud "Dinner is delicious, isn't it, honey". My husband & her parents immediately answered in order to ignore her comment, & redirect the conversation.
2006-12-06 09:29:47 · answer #4 · answered by pr1ncezz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She probably isn't doing it intentionally but I can understand how you feel. When we were first married, my mother-in-law would come over all the time and she'd end up doing my dishes. Or cleaning my kitchen after I had done so which made me feel like I she didn't like the way I cleaned my kitchen. I would get really upset. I just told her one day (as nicely as I could) that I understood she was trying to help but I didn't want her to if I didn't ask for it. So maybe you could try saying something to her so that she knows that you like her around for the holidays but her comments are frustrating.
2006-12-06 09:41:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, do not take it personal. And do yourself a favor and stand up to them and tell them to keep there ciritcism to themselves, and if they don't like how you keep your home then they can go stay in a hotel. I'd love to see the look on there faces, hehe.
2006-12-06 10:10:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personal or not (I think it's personal), it's always rude to point out things that are wrong to you host and hostess. Even if she doesn't mean anything by it (I think she does), your husband really needs to tell her that her comments are not appropriate.
2006-12-06 09:39:05 · answer #7 · answered by Milana P 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Next time she does it, and your husband doesnot defend you, tell that maybe you all should have the holiday gathering at her home next year and maybe she will feel more comfortable.
Hopefully she will get the hint.
2006-12-06 09:33:06 · answer #8 · answered by JC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell your husband that it doesn't matter what his mother means, it matters how his wife takes it. and he needs to talk to his mother and ask her to cool it with the critisism. and if he doesn't talk to her or if it doesn't help, tell him that you'll have to start having your holidays at her house or something because you are not willing to be abused like this.
2006-12-06 09:47:50 · answer #9 · answered by Eowyn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't try so hard if all she does is complain.tell her that you and your family are happy with what you have .you don't have to please the in-laws as long as you and your husband are happy.next time just smile and tell her happy holidays.
keep your family happy,,have a great Christmas
2006-12-06 09:53:50 · answer #10 · answered by hl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋