What should I do about my 5 year old son being so sexual?

Question

My 5 year old son is very sexual. He has always been very aware and proud of himself. In the past he has been cought under the bed showing himself to another little boy, playing touchy feely with a little girl in the closet and here recently his principal called me because he and a little girl at school were taking their pants down in the library. How can i teach him that it isn't ok to act like this?

Answer 1

I tell my boys, ages 7, 3, 18 months, that it's okay to be facnicated with themselves. It's completely normal afterall. I just tell them it's not something I, or anyone else, wants to see. I tell them they need to go to the bathroom or the bedroom to be by themselves, if they're going to "play" with it. Boys do that because it feels good, there's not really anything wrong with it. If you haven't already sat down with your son and Dad, and discussed sex with your son, you might consider it. If he's exploring with other kids, it's probably more out of curiousity than anything. I told my oldest about sex with he was barely 6. You don't have to tell him everything, just what he needs, or wants to know. Be honest with him too. Go to your local library or book store, we found books to be very helpful with our son.

Hope this helps!

I just wanted to add to my comment. I don't understand why the people that commented after me are saying that this is NOT normal, and even suggesting that your boy may have been abused or has seen something he shouldn't have. I have three boys, and every single one of them, since the age of 6 months, has been facinated with himself. My youngest is 18 months old and thinks it's great fun to play with his while he's in the tub. It's not because he's been abused, seen something he shouldn't, or because he has behavior problems. Boys do that, it feels good to them. I don't think we should be telling them how bad and dirty it is. I think we should just inform them that it isn't something they do in the presence of company. I have a three year old boy, four in March, that has his hands forever in his pants. I'll ask him if he needs to go to the bathroom, and he says no. I tell him to stop or go to his room, I don't want to see it. In his case, I don't even think he realizes he's playing with himself. I stand by what I said before. He's 5, he's old enough to understand the basics of human anatomy. Tell him what it is, and IF he feels the need to explore his body that it's somthing he should do in private. Exploring other kids, I'm guessing here, is probably curiousity. He might just want to know what their penis looks like, or why girls don't have one. Instead of assuming he has a behavior problem, ask him why he wants to look so bad. Show him pictures from a book, there are several made for children. Once his curiousity is satisified he'll back off. Encourage him to ask you questions too. This is all information he should be getting from you anyway. You don't want him learning about these things from anyone else, do you?

Answer 2

Hi,

Jeez I don't envy your situation at all.

My first thought was "what has happened to this little boy or what has he seen that he shouldn't have?"

I am not suggesting that you have abused your son its just that this type of behaviour in a child so young is not very common. Maybe you need to take him to your doctor and have him assessed just to be sure.

In the meantime all you can really do is to be very firm with him about his behaviour and to make sure he isn't left in a position where he gets the opportunity to do these things. This can be hard especially at school but it is a very good idea and the school should be supportive of this and help you.

I would also suggest that you seek some specialist advice from a counsellor in childhood behaviour so that you can help to teach your son. Sometimes our kids just get sidetracked and get stuck on certain types of behaviour and need a little bit of help to retrain their thinking. My sister went through this with her daughter.

Good luck

Answer 3

WOW, I give you a lot of credit for going on here and asking for help. I just wish I had some words of wisdom to give you. The only thing I can say is continue to let your son know that he has your support and love and you are there for him. You did the right thing. Yes they are all victims but you are right in making your son first priority. He is your main concern here. Please don't give details, the ones that want all the details are just gross. Why do they need the details? Enough of that. I wish you and your son the best. Prayers and strength to you.

Answer 4

I am curious how your son learned these things at such a young age. You can tell a child not to do something until you are blue in the face, but if he is seeing other people do it (especially a male role-model figure) he is going to be confused as to why it is ok for them to do it, but not for him. Some therapists believe that children at that age who are being touched in the wrong way will begin to "act out" what they are seeing, or being made to do, since they are for the most part unable to put into words what is happening. If there is even the slightest chance someone could be hurting him, do what it takes to find out who and report it.

Answer 5

Start by finding out what ignited all this curiosity. Could it be watching above "G" rated tv shows? or adult magazines ? or exposure to adult behaviour?
Secondly he knows that it is not acceptable hence the need to hide. Confirm to him that this is so! and find out how he knows that it is not done in public.
Thirdly tell him that just as he is not allowed to drive a car like grown ups then he should wait until he is grown up to do certain things.
Lastly appeal to his sense of pride by informing him that if he continues with that behaviour then the entire school community will dislike him and he will not be invited to other kids parties and they will not come to his.

Answer 6

I agree absolutely with Sd Mcbride. Totally normal. High testosterone levels coming up, I suppose. As mcbride said, just talk with him honestly - I guess you haven't, or he would know that this is normal but inappropriate.
Tell him those parts are private and special and that if he wants to touch himself it's a bit like picking his nose - everyone does it but we don't want to see it. Encourage privacy and modesty.
Mcbride said everything I wanted to say. It's pretty silly to assume he's been harmed or seen something he shouldn't have.

Answer 7

Just tell him that you don't show your area to anyone. Tell them its not safe and not good to be taking it out all the time. tell him that the only time he needs to take his pants down is when he is bathing using the bathroom or changing clothes and if he keeps up with this you will put him back in diapers and take him out of school. good luck.

Answer 8

hehe - its kind of funny,

little boys touch themselves etc all the time, ive got 4 boys and its the normal thing they do.

you just need to teach him to keep his trousers up and keep it in his pants so to speak, start by verbally telling him and when it gets it out at home start giving him the naughty corner to think about it.