thorny couple problem?

Question

Hey

I've got a pretty embarassing couple problem, and it's been on my mind for too long.
My gf's fantasy is to have a DP (fantasy that I find quite weird), and i feel like she gets more and more bored in our relationship
for me it's unconceivable to share my friend with another man, not because i feel incomfortable in front of a nude guy, but simply because it breaks my holy principle of FIDELITY.
As soon as I try to convince her, she refuses discussion, she even feels now a bit ashamed.
But I would really like her to be happy in our couple. What shall I do? how can I bring up the topic so that we discuss the matter?

Only serious answers please; thanks in advance
(answers from women appreciated)

have a nice day

dear Suzanne

I should hire you as my couple therapist!!

Answer 1

The bottom line with these situations is that when someone in the relationship wants to introduce another person into the sexual dynamics both members of the "couple" must be in agreement or problems occur. Trying to convince your girlfriend for example that her fantasy is "wrong or weird" OR that it violates your idea of "fidelity" and what you want in the relationship is probably part of the conflict. It may lead her to secretly, meaning behind your back, to act out her fantasies, whatever they may be.

However you risk sacrificing your integrity if you go along in the hopes of maintaining the relationship, if it is not truly your wish.

Both of your positions are valid. She can't help the way she feels and neither can you. Guilt tripping her is not going to work, nor is giving in to maintain the relationship...my thoughts about this is that you need to have a very open discussion and decide what you can or cannot live with. But make no mistake, honesty is essential.

Also you can never know what brings a person into a relationship with another. Maybe she was not super sexually turned on by you, but you represented a sense of security and maybe views you as a great guy. Unfortunately all wheels of the car so to speak need to be operating for a relationship to be truly healthy and functional: intellectually, emotionally, sexually and for lack of a better word spiritually.

You may want to consider couple therapy and let her know you are NOT judging her, but rather looking for solutions.

Answer 2

You could always use this as a vehicle for a fantasy of yours...

If she does yours, then you'll do hers...

If you don't fulfill hers, she'll find someone else to do it and you're history... And there are plenty of guys willing to DP a pretty girl...

You could always try something like having sex with her and using a dildo or vibrator at the same time...

Answer 3

Been there, done that. Not a good idea. It will only cause problems later.