By putting your expectations on your children, are you not just turning them into you? What makes you so good?

Question

Do you really think you are better then anyone else?

Do you not think that you are instilling them with your own fears and "faults" as well?

Answer 1

I think of it this way:

I want my children to be as happy and fufilled as they can be, and as people go I'm pretty happy. Sure I have fears and faults like everyone else, but I am at peace with them and I get by very well. I can think of much worse than my children could become than me. I'm not better than anyone else, but being me is a pretty sweet deal.

Answer 2

As parents we should try to differentiate between what we need to instill in our children and what we don't. Some things I do are just good things to do- putting stuff away when I'm done with it, not chewing with my mouth open, learning to read, etc. However there are other areas where my kids might make different choices than I do and the other choice could be perfectly acceptable as well. My children might choose a different career path than I do or have different interests. It makes me sad when I hear about families where a son is expected to become a doctor "just like dad" but really wants to be an automechanic or something.

I am sure some of my faults and fears will pass on to my daughter. However I'm going to turn your question around on you. Do you really think I'm worse than anyone else? I am certainly in a good situation to be raising kids, better than some (I'm married, I don't do drugs, we have enough money for the things our kids need, willing to put their needs as a priority, etc.)

So what is your alternative? Do you like the Brave New World style of "parenting" or are you more into parents putting no expectations on their children whatsoever? I have seen kids who aren't disciplined, and trust me, it isn't pretty.

Answer 3

Well, take for instance Bindi Irwin. Her father instilled in her a love of animals when she was very young. Now she wants to walk in his footsteps. She doesn't want her daddy's passion to ever end and she wants to take his place when she grows up. That's instilling something that is a wonderful thing. What a friend the animals will have later on when she is old enough to work with them.
I have done the same thing with my children. I teach them how to care for animals and people. I want to instill in them that most people are good and if they need help,(like our elderly neighbor) to go see if they need help and help them. My son gets her paper for her each morning. He did that on his own. I didn't tell him to do that.

Answer 4

I would think that by putting expectations on my children, I am giving them a good jumping off point for when they set out into the real world.

I am flexible with my expectations. I expect them to graduate HS- no question about it. But what they do next is one of 3 things- Military, College, or travel with college starting the next semester for them.

Maybe if my parents aimed higher than HS with me, I still wouldn't be trying to get my associates at 25 with 2 kids at home.

I love my kids and hope that I can be a better mother to them than my mom was to me. Is that so bad?

I don't care if my kids hate me. One time in their lives, they are going to look back and thank me.

SO in reference to your question: "What makes me so good?" I answer with, I feel I am not good enough and could've been so much better with support from my parents. I don't want to repeat the same mistakes from the last generation.

Answer 5

Hmmm Expectations on my children. Children are to be loved and nurtured. Expectations is a very complex initiative to put on a child. Childhood is the learning stage and you should not have expectations for your childs future. Rather teach them what is harmful and exceptable in society in general. Expectations are what I put on myself as an adult the things I wish to accomplish with my life.

Answer 6

For one, not all people place expectations on their children that are unreasonable. I expect my children to behave-i.e. have respect for others and their property, to play nice with others, and to remember their manners. These are not unreasonable requests nor expectations. As for those that expect their child to become a doctor or lawyer because they are now that would be unreasonable. In this kind of situation, then yes, it is highly disrespectful to the child and their own personal interests, not to mention that it would be very hard to teach children how to respect others if they themselves are not shown respect.

Answer 7

I never do that.I let my kids be what they are,and to have their own personality.I just teach them the good,and show them what is wrong.Parents who are acting the way you mentioned,are just insecure and want their children to be most perfect and they're unaware of how it things would turn out.They're likely to be disappointed.

Answer 8

its very normal for a parent to have "high expectations" for their child but it is wrong to force them to do what you want.there are things in life i want my children to have and be when they are older but at the end of the day they will choose what they want to do and what they want to be and there is nothing that they could do that could change how much love i have for them.

Answer 9

I don't think you should place your expectations on your children.
Love them for who they are and what they are.
There will never be another you.
Who knows if you let them walk their road, they might turn out better than what you could have hoped or planned for

Answer 10

No I dont think of it like that because I wouldnt want my kid to act anything like I did