Six years ago. Oldest sister Kim tells me that when she left her children with next oldest sister Erin, Erin punished Kim's kid in a way that was not acceptable. I told Kim that I didn't want to talk about Erin and Kim assured me that she wasn't saying anything that she already hadn't said to Kim. Erin got abusive and angry that I didn't take her side. The punishment was a time out for Kim's kid biting Erin's kid. I though it was pretty reasonable.
A couple of weeks later, I am visiting Erin and we have a few glasses of wine. She starts off on Kim and I stop her and say that I don't want to get into anything between them but for the record, I agreed that the time out was fair. Apparently when Kim told me that she had discussed it with Erin, was was lying. Erin was furious that Kim had talked about her (ironically because she herself was attempting to talk about Kim to me.) And then things got ugly. Erin told Kim I told her about what Kim had assured ne was already discussed.
2006-12-05 23:58:11 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
For the months that ensued, I was verbally abused by Kim and totally shamed by Erin for "gossiping" when actually, I didn't gossip. I was opening talking about something that I was assured was public knowledge. So, Kim is a pathelogical liar and Erin is a blame shifter. I have not been welcome or comfortable at a family gathering since as I have been dubbed the troublemaker. Kim takes NO responsibility for lying and Erin takes no responsibility for attacking Kim without regard for the consequences. At the time, I believed that I was 100% to blame and apologized profusely to be met with abuse. I completely disconnected from the family (not my parents, just the abusive siblings). I got married without them, I had a baby without them. Now Erin is trying to say that I abandoned her and her kids, that I don't acknowledge them and that I've caused her so much pain. She's really a prima donna.
I am so disgusted with these people. Can I ever forgive them?
2006-12-06 00:02:45 · update #1
Oh yes, I shortly thereafter quit drinking and have not had a drop in 6 years. Partly because I believed at the time that my loose tipsy mouth caused a huge family fall out. Prior to that night, I never got involved with family conflicts unless it actually involved me and since haven't. the only reason I said anything in the first place is because Erin was crying about what a psycho Kim is and how hurtful and abusive she had been to her lately. I was trying to help her have a little confidence that she hadn't done anything wrong. I assumed she was talking about the "time-out incident" But in fact, Erin had NO IDEA that Kim even had a problem with it. I
2006-12-06 00:16:25 · update #2
And the reason this all came up is that I felt really bad that I no longer felt safewith or trusting of Erin. We had been in contact but there was always a part of me that just couldn't be myself around her. She recently said something to everyone in my family about a small phobia that I have after I had asked her not to and I decided that it was important, if I was ever going to have a true and honest relationship with her that we needed to discuss what happened 6 years ago as the recent event really brought back those issues of mistrust to me. She EXPLODED at me. She belittled me and invalidated everything that I said.
In a way, I do forgive because I think that they are both mentally ill. In another way, I am the most proud of my honesty & fairness and this situation has me pegged as a liar and a provoker. It sits poorly in my heart. Can I be forgiving but just not be involved with either of them? I pity them as long as I am not near them. If I am near them, I dislike them.
2006-12-06 01:00:34 · update #3
Oh the craziest pasrt is that they hang out still. Kim stopped talking to me and Erin is just dismissive of me but they visit with each other and their kids play. I'm the only one who is alienated!!
2006-12-06 01:08:20 · update #4
Good grief. How dreadful. I have 2 sisters and a brother we spend a lot of time bitching about each other but it's all meant in a loving supportive way. You poor thing to have sisters like that. It sounds like you were sucked into their battle having done nothing at all wrong. I think you are right. If they can't learn to behave in a civilised manner you are better of without them.
2006-12-06 00:17:21 · answer #1 · answered by gerrifriend 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're handling an exceptionally difficult situation extremely well. Maybe try getting the three of you together for a chat, so you can tell them that you want to stay out of it. That you've never said anything about either of them, so you're not sure how you were misquoted and also, tell them you're r not going to take sides or even listen if they're going to bit_ch about each other. Maybe they'll even make up, especially if they see how much this is hurting you.
Good Luck and hang in there.
2006-12-06 09:02:47 · answer #2 · answered by GreyGHost29 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This whole things seems a mess, and seems to have been blown way out of proportion. You should forgive, of course. They are both your sisters. You should just explain to them that you love them both and are not going to take sides. This is something they need to discuss and settle between the two of them. And you should be sure to keep your comments to yourself even if you do feel one is correct or not. Forgive and forget, it is not worth altering life over. One sister may have felt more comfortable speaking with you for an un-bias opinion. Just remember to keep your opinions to yourself. Good luck and God bless****
2006-12-06 08:05:16 · answer #3 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What a mess of she said, she said. In time you will get over it and be able to forgive them. It's idle gossip on one's part and you did nothing wrong to your knowledge. I just don't think it's such a big deal that all involved can't be adult about it and forgive each other.
2006-12-06 08:06:18 · answer #4 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like they've got a bigger issue with each other, than you. I wouldn't worry about it. If that's all it takes to get someone angry with you and not speaking or treating you well, then they're not a loss to your daily life.
2006-12-06 08:01:28 · answer #5 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hope for your sake you can forgive them, forgiveness is for you not for them. It is very unfortunate for them that they have behaved this way, it sounds to me like they've missed out sharing the life of a great sister. Life is so short, again forgive them...it is for your sake more than theirs.
2006-12-06 08:30:17 · answer #6 · answered by Theresa P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let them have at it. Sit back with your glass of wine and while you sip it, be thankful you're not part of this.
2006-12-06 08:07:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
sisters fight all the time it comes with the package just forgive you dont have to forget but you can forgive
2006-12-06 08:03:16 · answer #8 · answered by LiL mAmMa 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋