i have my good long relationship term since over a year already. he wants to marry me and take me to america. Good. But for example, yesterday i started with the crazy though once again about if things dont work out.... that i want to go college (im transfering my college) and i wanna keep working (i am). He, on the other hand, is graduate from college and he got this serious job.... he wants me to live with him and he even is lookin foward about health insurance and benefits for myself for when i get there. Are this my deep wishes that i want to make?? Also i wish to things really work with him cuz i appreciate him and his family alot..
what can i do to stop being insecure (if this is what i have)??
he felt hurted when i expressed him about this. what can i do ? what can i do? why i have this scared feelings???
2006-12-05 23:49:01 · 13 answers · asked by *live,laugh,love* 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
With all the problems that people have with relationships this sounds like a good one. He seems to really care for you, has a great job, good family. Go for it! And definately enjoy the adventure of the exciting new life that he wants to offer you.
2006-12-05 23:52:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it's OK to keep your bases covered until everything is set and you are secure in your new life. And even if you do get settled here and are married there is nothing that says you can't go to college and work while you are married.
Feeling insecure before such a big step is an important part of taking the step to begin with. It says to me that you are serious, that you mean what you say and that once you take it you don't intend to turn back. Don't deny the feelings. Do what you need to do make yourself comfortable with the decisions you have made and keep talking to your boyfriend about them. If he loves you he will do his best to understand them or at the very least, accept them.
2006-12-06 00:00:34 · answer #2 · answered by outdone 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You have to except that nothing in life is certain and no decision is permanent. There is country song that talks about not looking for Mr. Right and looking for Mr. Right Now. It sounds like this is a great guy so go ahead and move in with him and see if you are happy with the situation or not. If it doesn't work out, its not the end of the world. DO NOT compromise your own dreams to do this though. Keep up with your education and career goals. Good luck with what ever you decide.
2006-12-05 23:54:52 · answer #3 · answered by RayCATNG 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
God speaks while you sleep. Your angels are on your back, and to me I would not make the change unless this individual is capable of taking care of me before I get there.
In 1970, I made the same mistake. My ex promise to send me back to school and protect me. These were his words to my parents instead, he had affairs on me, isolated me from my family, was a control freak, had a prison record, and one day tried to kill me.
But, I had prayed that if God got me out of the situation, I would never looked back. Well I left him and had to hide out for at least a month until he stop looking for me. I went back to school and it took me from 74-77 to complete my remaining credits before I went to graduate school.
This was the worse decision I made. He got everything from the marriage, but I got my soul back.
You need guarantees...Health Benefit..show you that you qualify on paper. You can get health insurance for another person without them being your spouse.
What is his lifestyle like, who is his freinds, and since I assume you meet him on the internet, what does he do when you are not with him.
My answer is show me the guarantees.... walk and talk and put it up. This could change your life forever both good or bad. You have got goals, and don't, I repeat, don't give those dreams up. If he does not share them--Guess what they are mere expectations for you.
2006-12-06 00:02:29 · answer #4 · answered by Sports Maven 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're nervous that's completely natural. The question is do you love him? Do you want things to work? You'll never know if it will work unless you try. And if you really love him you'll never regret it no matter what happens. We need to take happiness where we can get it.
2006-12-06 00:02:27 · answer #5 · answered by AJ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It happens every single time someone wants to leave or any other major change is occurring in your relationship,you need to talk with your man about your fears and know that insecurity is not a crime,chill my dear you are very normal!
2006-12-05 23:56:40 · answer #6 · answered by papa askofu 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yep you are paranoid... But you have to look at the negative side... relationships don't always work out... You need to cover yourself... Make sure you have your qualification(s), then get a job in America and then if you don't manage to survive as a couple, you can always look after yourself...
2006-12-05 23:52:40 · answer #7 · answered by Forlorn Hope 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds to me like he might be a little controlling (and it sounds like you are thinking he might be to) How can wanting you to shack up with him be a good thing? Unless you are going to have other friends and family nearby in America I would not "shack up" with him, since you will have no one to turn to if he turns out bad. Sounds like he is bribing you with health insurance, he can't give you that unless he marries you. Don't let him control you with guilt feeling, you need to follow your dream, not his.
2006-12-05 23:54:50 · answer #8 · answered by lily 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Wow!!!We have exactly the same problem!!!
He wants to take me away from my family and where i feel secure and he is offering me a brand new life, in his hometown...And i feel scared and indecisive as well.I'm scared of doing this big step...Don't know what to do!!! :(
2006-12-06 00:10:18 · answer #9 · answered by Soulla 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
GG, if that's you in the pic you're a cute girl and he'll get over it!!
You shouldn't give it a second thought!!
2006-12-05 23:50:32 · answer #10 · answered by Sarsippius 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋