What is a mom to do??

Question

I am a stay at home mom of a 3 year old and a six month old. Since having my daughter my son has gotten so much meaner and ruder. Hes always telling me No and hitting, taking toys, and plain just ignoring my every word. I have tried taking toys, time outs, spankings, putting to bed, removing tv. Hes just getting worse. I do not know how much more i can take. I dont know if its jelousy, his age, all the new things in his life-ie the baby, potty training, sharing, etc. Any ideas that i have not already tried? I am a mother at her wits end please any advice is welcomed. Please no rude comments or downgrading my parenting skills. Thanks for the advice

Answer 1

He sounds like he is in his terrible three's stage, they all go through it. Also he has had you on his own for the last two and a half years and then suddenly this new baby who needs your constant attention is here and he's feeling a little left out and unloved (even though you do love him) Maybe on a weekend when your partner is around to mind your daughter you could have some one on one time with your son and do something he likes to do, swimming, theme park, cinema etc but only you and him go as that can be his mummy time. also it can be very annoying to have a three year old ignore you and scream at you...keep patient, if you shout he is likely to shout and so on, your behavior will influence his behavior. If you shout, hit and ignore he will think this is okay and do it back...believe me i know. Don't fear though, he is behaving like this because he loves you so much and just wants "his" mummy to himself.

Answer 2

He was the center of your world for 3 years and he now has to share you. It is very common for children to behave in these ways when a new sibling arrives. He is feeling jealous and powerless right now. Start showing him some positive attention by saying things like "You did that by yourself! You stacked every block! You can run super fast! Look how high you can climb! You used so many colors on your picture!" Let him know that you notice him. This is a great way to show attention will help him to gain some confidence, and help him to feel powerful in a positive way.

Use logical or natural consequences whenever possible when disciplining him. Taking away a toy or privileges when your son misbehaves is not a logical consequence. These actions will not work to stop misbehaviors and will only cause more anger and resentment. Taking away a toy if he throws it or is destructive with it is logical. These are some other examples of logical consequences. If he spills his milk, give him a towel to wipe it up. If he breaks a toy, he puts it in the trash. When he is aggressive, get down to his level and say “I don’t like when you (explain what and why in very few words).” Either walk away, or take him gently to a quiet area away from you and say “When you are ready to (calm down, be gentle, stop screaming).” This is not a time out because you are not giving him a time limit (you controlling him). He returns when he is ready to control himself. You may have to return him to the quiet area before he gets the message. Always let the “punishment” fit the crime.

Empathize with him when he is calm. “I can tell you are feeling very (angry, left out, mad, upset, hurt, frustrated). What can we do about that?” With a little empathy, he will learn to better express his feeling instead of misbehaving.

Tell him that he is so lucky because he is a big brother (maybe even get him a big brother shirt). He can do so much more than a baby because he is older. Make sure you take time everyday to show you're love. When baby is sleeping, read him a story, do an art project, play a game, and things that show he is the "big boy" (he can help mom make snacks or dinner, and help with the baby...getting a diaper, let him pick out baby's outfit...) If he keeps getting messages like these, he should start to feel more confident in his new world. Best of luck to you!

Answer 3

It sounds like he could really use some one-on-one mommy time. Punishment really isn't going to get you anywhere here, because he's feeling jealous and neglected, and no matter how long he has to spend in time out, he's still going to feel jealous and neglected (and maybe even more so since he probably finds this treatment unfair since the baby is always treated nicely).

There has to be some quality time you can squeeze into the day somewhere. You can try staggering their naps so after the baby goes to sleep you both have a little while to read before he drifts off. You can even try asking him why he's so upset, and what he thinks you can do to make things better. Make sure he understands that new babies need a lot of attention, but that you'd be very happy if he could help you out.

Make sure to give him praise when he does listen, share, and do things that make you happy.

Answer 4

It does sound like a 3 year old behavior so I would say that it's mostly age, but jealousy might have triggered it.
I would say try to get 15-30 minutes every day to dedicated ONLY to him. May it be when the baby is napping or in the evening... anytime is fine. He needs that one on one time with you.
Also make him feel needed by telling him that he can help you so much by let's say bringing a diaper for the baby or bringing her outfits or whatever. He will be proud to do that for you, maybe not right away but it will happen. Try not to get mad if he refuises to help, just offer it over and over and if he does do it get all out and tell him how helpful and nice that was!

Answer 5

Try giving him some positive, one-on-one attention. He is probably feeling displaced and jealous. He needs positive interaction with you as often as possible without the baby.....like when baby is napping the two of you do something special. Or you make sure to have some quiet cuddle time with him before bed or when he first wakes each day.

In my experience, right around the time the baby would turn 6 months was usually the worst. This was because my babies were getting mobile around then and the big sibs would begin to see them as more of a "threat" to their toys and space.

Answer 6

I'm certainly not going to downgrade your parenting skills because I have the same problem. The only thing is, my son is now 16 years old. He doesn't hit, but he does basically ignore everything I say. I really don't have much advice except please, deal with this now and don't wait like I did.

Answer 7

He's definitely showing signs of jealousy. Let him kn ow as much asp possible that having a new sibling doesnt mean you love him less. And if he's not happy sharing and you can afford to get two of everything that would be great. It would be good to also get him to interact with other kids like in a playgroup or something similar.

Answer 8

K try letting him know that he's to help take care of her too.If you dare leave her with him for a couple of minutes...15-30min.Or take them go shopping but let him wander off...get a friend whom he does not know check on him,they usually will get scare but might confide in the nearest person;that's your friend;then when he's good and ready after a good cry...take him in your arms and tell him how much you and her sis misses and loves him and never to let them get 'lost' ever.And how relieve that he found them....Give him a treat and who knows ....he might change for the better.Must remind him that all are important in the family....you'll be surprise how much they really understands.God bless and guide you.Amen!Take good care of them!will pray for you...and thank you mom for caring....God is watching....too

Answer 9

I empathize ur situation. One of the reasons for such behavior could be jealousy as u said. Since u said u r already at the end of ur wits, may be u could consult a child psychologist. Since they would have seen many such kids, they r experts in dealing with such kids. May be they have the knack of talking and getting such kids out of their fears, what ever they may have hidden in their mind.

Answer 10

well maybe you could have some time with just you and the boy. like plan a special day once a week with just him. Of course let him be involved with things you do for the baby like, feeding, bathing etc. and letting him get more involved with the baby and also you i think it just might work.