i wrote a poem what do you think?

Question

She loves him, and he loves her,
Passion burns brightly,
Bodies engage slightly,
and Eyes meet and flutter.
Another looked on her in adoration,
Staring in her eyes,
He could see the skies,
She tried to resist temptation.
Together forever, is what she'd said,
doubting her honesty,
thinking of another deeply,
many tears had been shed.
Torn by feelings deep inside,
She can't leave her boy,
for his heart'd be destroyed,
She didn't know how to decide.
Thinking of her every moment,
the love struck boy cries,
there was no chance for him he surmised,
His crippling anguish ever present.
Cuts on his arms came first,
And losing his appetite,
Complexion increasingly white,
Events following getting worse.
The blood mixed with the tears,
His numerous wounds bled,
and his recent scars spread,
keeping the blood stained cloth as souvenirs.
Wishing he were laying cold,
dead on the floor,
he grabbed his knife from the drawer,
and gripped it in his hand, uncontrolled.
Without any further thought,
thrusting it into his chest,
Him and the knife coalesced;
He'd found the end he'd sought.
His suicide on the TV,
she was instilled with guilt,
Her life began to wilt,
beyond a tolerable degree.
Melancholy and depressed,
Life spiralling down,
all she wore, a frown,
Never before so distressed.
Her boyfriend hurt,
To see her this way,
Said he had to go away,
She watched him go, standing inert.
Her life wrecked,
She grabbed a gun,
Thought of a loved one,
and put it to her head.

Tears running down her cheek,
She squeezed the trigger,
with such vigor,
and let out a final shriek.

Answer 1

It is well written and thought provoking. I think it really captures the mental anguish that many of us feel during the times of love gone bad. It would speak to many people in this situation. I look forward to more of your poems. You know, it would be nice to see you explore more of this feeling and also, to continue to write poems that talking about a new love coming. You know to show the readers how love goes in these cycles of horrible pain to acceptance to new love and then back again.

Thanks for sharing. I think you're a great writer.

Answer 2

Human feelings can come out in varying read and/or misread ways.You can try using a dictionary to improve your general vocabulary and your vocabulary regarding rhymed words and sentences before using them in a practice of writing poems or any other forms of expressive texts.But the less you use them the more likely you are to feel like you forgot about them,i guess.You could try to write down or type up normal sentences first before trying to replace some words with rhyming synonyms or words.It can take time but then again,time will keep on going anyways.So even if you failed and felt like switching to another subjectively easier form of exaggerated expression,it may not seem like a waste of time if you did not think and feel so.You could read poems and/or use that desire of writing poems in,for example,trying to write a poem about the act of writing poems and your relative feelings and points(if you felt such a desire while googling some perhaps relatively discouraging-from a way of looking at it-stuff)...

Answer 3

I think it is good but very concerning about the thoughts in your head. Not sure if you are just a writer or have these feelings actually inside.

Answer 4

What in the world goes on in your head? What a movie script. I will admit--it's a poem...but you need a job or something. Roses are red
violets are blue---I know who I have to stay away from
and it's you
Merry Christmas

Answer 5

its too long for me too read, but the last part sounded suicidal and that usually means its considered poetry....i hope your not suicidal though atleast not over a guy there are much better reasons to die...like that little rhyme??

Answer 6

Lovely !

Answer 7

amazing.....BEAUTIFUL

your poem really does touches ones heart...

4.5 ot of 5 star....amazing (Grrreat)

keep on practising, practise makes perfect

Two Thumbs Up Bravo!

Answer 8

well it is kinda of morose. but hey poetry is all about self expression. you are doing just that. so therefore its all good!

Answer 9

no time to waste on such things

Answer 10

you took so long to write this one.