How do you raise someones self-esteem? Do I have low self-esteem?

Question

I had a really good girlfriend but she had low self-esteem, she is involved with an available man and has unprotected sex with complete strangers. She is divorced with 3 kids, and said her husband used to mentally abuse her.

The thing is throughout our 1 year relationship I was really nice to her, used to go out for lunch, drinks, met her kids, went to the cinema but we did have sex (one thing I regret now as she probably thought I was using her). I used to tell her throughout our relationship that she shouldn't give it away so easily and that she should think more of herself and meet someone who puts her first not second all the time. It's frustrating because she won't listen and she says she will never leave unavailable man.

We have lost contact now but I still worry for her and miss her. Do I have low self-esteem for wanting to settle for this type of relationship myself?

Answer 1

i think i already answered a question by you but you DO have low self esteem for still wanting to be with her. you know this

also you are trying to be a rescuer and that is just a mistake..... because you CANNOT rescue someone else from their bad choices.

if you told her how you feel then you're righteous and now you have to leave her to her own karma

you miss her cause your not with anyone else

seriously, this is the last time i try and talk to you

find a hot young girlfriend you will SOOOOOO forget about her I promise

Answer 2

I don't think you have low self-esteem, I just think you are an overly caring person. You just wanted to help her, and maybe you fell for her. There is not anything wrong with trying to help people, and worrying about them. But if this girl does not want help. There is not much you can do. Be her friend if you like, but beyond that you should not do. Try helping her go see a counselor. This girl has a serious problem she can't break free from on her own. The children will suffer in the long run. They will follow her example. This is a learned behavior. Not something we should teach our kids, but many parents do, by their example. If you can contact her again, talk to her about this. She needs help soon

Answer 3

Yes, you do have low self-esteem. The sad news is that nobody can raise another person's self-esteem if that person is bound and determined to be unhappy with herself. Everybody deserves so much better than this, so so do you. It'd do you good to figure out why your self-esteem is so low. Maybe talking to your family, friends, or doctor or counselor might help---and if you're worried about your friend, maybe you should try to find her again. I recommend checking the phonebook, asking any mutual friends you might have had if they know where she is---and since everybody and their cousin seems to be on MySpace these days, you might set up an account there just to see if she has one. On that site, it is possible to search for people by name....just like a phone book.

If your friend's had self-esteem issues and you didn't part because of a major fight, she'd probably be delighted to hear from you again. Friends are important.

Answer 4

I'm really proud of you for wanting to take an initiative in your life. Cutting isn't the answer. It can harm you. Also, ask yourself why you put yourself down. Do you hang out with people who make you feel like that? Have you tried getting therapy for this? Sometimes we need to change the way we think. It is called Cognitive Behavior Therapy. Instead of thinking, "I can never get it right," try thinking "I'll try better next time." Also, you can express your feelings and thoughts and the therapist or counselor may help you identify the causes of these feelings. Try getting involved in activities, such as after school clubs or sports. You'll get to meet a lot of new people and hopefully overcome your shyness. Make a list of goals for the day, such: 1. I will say more positive things rather than negative things of myself. 2. I will smile more. 3. I will say hello to one new person. etc. Good luck and stay positive! Once you get over your shyness, it'll be easier to meet people.

Answer 5

No you don't have low self esteem.You have good self esteem,you are just feeling sad by the situation it sounds like.We all get lovesick and sad .Everyone(even Brad Pitt)has been rejected once ,twice or more in their life.In that case,we all have low self esteem in this kind of experience.Try counselling to talk about your feelings with a professional.Everybody does it these days,and if you check around enough,some offer free to discount prices.Hope this feedback helps you see things positively and you will be more happy as you grow through this.

Answer 6

It is usually said that people who are involved in a abusive relationship and allow it to continue, have or develop low self esteem. Thus perthaps it would be too difficult for you to raise this person's self esteem and not by discussion alone, and especially if she is not around anymore. I do not think that it is wrong that you took interest in her, or that it necessarily means that you are having problems with your own worth feeling

Answer 7

Low self-esteem? More like NO self-esteem. Drop the loser (and you might consider contacting child protective services because her looseness could be endangering the children) and move on. Can't be any worse than what you have.

Answer 8

If she was the last woman in the world then I would still say yes to that... what you need to do is get a little something called self confidence and then you'll see how pathetic it is for you running after a woman that isn't worth running after.... I really wish I could scream that in your ear and then I would lovingly slap your face to get you to wake up!!!!!! god... have some respect for yourself...

Answer 9

Let her go!
You don't have as low self esteem...you are very conscious!
That's is a good think but not helping you at all in this case!

Answer 10

What some people call low self-esteem is really a need for attention...

She wanted any attention she could get and most men what sex - so she got her attention through sex... For good or bad...

As for you, well, maybe you just wanted to help her...