what do you think of this poem i wrote?

Question

they say

they say a picture is worth a thousand words, but she was worth more,
they say the grass is always greener on the other side, but nobody knew for sure,

they say you win some you lose some but i lost all,
they say kindness is the key to a womens heart, im still waiting for her call,

they say love is blind and that is so true,
they say people do crazy things when their in love, thats why i do the things i do,

they say beauty comes from within, we all know thats bullshit
they say you only want things you cant have.and its you i wanted but could never get,

they say dreams come true, but they never do
they say the best things in life can't be seen, maybe thats why i couldn't see you

they say ask and you shall recieve, now this i dont believe
they say friends stick by your side, so why did you leave

now i dont know what phrase or piece of advice to follow
so i guess nothing will ever change and my heart will always be hollow

Answer 1

I love it and hear the pain you're conveying , actually, I FEEL it, and that's what a good peom/song should do to you, make you feel. Only suggestion if I may, replace the word bullshit with something else, because it kinda detracts from the poem. And I don't mean that in a negative way, it just makes me think, Okay, this person couldn't come up with a more original word to express what bullshit means to him, but he can write this beautiful poem? And besides, and I know what you're you're trying to say, but if you ever want to get published? And after you edit that, go to www.poetry.com and enter it in the contest. And best of luck, 'cause you really do have potential talent. And never mind where the commas go and where the punctuationn goes and all that crap; that's why they have proofreaders and editors. Do you think poets/songwriters sit around and worry about stupid things like punctuation? Heck, if they did that, nobody would ever finish anything they started out to do. That's just minor stuff. One more suggestion, the title is they say, so you needn't repeat it in every line. they say

a picture is worth a thousand words
the grass is always greener, know what I mean? You don't really wanna read they say a bazillion times. I mean I could be wrong. What does everybody else think? I just kinda found all the they says taking away from it. But the idea of it is deep, in touches all of us who have been hurt deep down inside and says what alot of us wish we could say but don't know the words, yet you found the words - except for the "bullshit" one. Are you a songwriter in the making perhaps? Please remember me when you make it!

Answer 2

As a published poet I think it is very well written with a few minor details you should reconsider.

First: As far as having commas at the end of every line you should have first line comma, second line period.

Second: You should capitalize the first letter of each first line

and last but certainly not least:

You need to replace the word bullshit with something a bit less abrasive.

Outside of those I like it.

Answer 3

You are so gifted. I understand I've mentioned that earlier than. This is a deep significant poem, it can be one other form than you employ now however it's so well to me. Drown my soul in wash of sorrow. Build my doubts and go away me hallow. You understand I adore you. I desire I might open up the way in which you do.

Answer 4

You asked me what I think.
I think it really stinks.

But who am I to tell you at all
So, I'll let you make the call.

Answer 5

not to shabby a little cliche but would work great in a song. ill wite it for you if youd like lol.

Answer 6

aww that is so sweet if you wrote it for somebody they would love it but be sure it's the right person your giving it too

Answer 7

I liked it. I have heard some of lines.

Answer 8

i think itis good trying but shuld stop repeat words and you be great

Answer 9

I say it's nice and make me smile.

Answer 10

i say it's great
i say it's good
but seems it late
i'm going to say bai bai