I'm taking a survey of sorts.Should a very aggressive and many times violent four year old boy be allowed to

Question

play with toy guns, pistols, rifles, swords and long sharp sticks?MY daughter in law says her son is only reacting to a show he saw on deer hunting.This child has killed every frog he could find on my property by putting sharp sticks through them; has pinned my puppy down on his back with his knees holding the puppy's front legs flush with the floor while he attempted to strangle the animal. Luckily an adult interviened and saved the dog from further abuse and possible death. His mother makes light of these bazarre incidents, in seemingly total denial that her son has some heavy issues. This child also had his hands around another childs neck just recently.A few days ago we went to the woods to chop our Christmas tree and came upon a deer as we left. ALL the way home the kid wined,"I want to kill the deer." (Ignored by his mother)How many agree with the mom:constant play with weapons is ok?any comments about mom and her child rearing abilities? please list all. Your voice may help!

Answer 1

Torturing animals is a bad bad sign. Many murderers get their start torturing and/or killing animals as kids. In my state they just had a bill about making animal abuse a felony or something like that for that reason. I don't think ANY four-year-old should be allowed to play with toy weapons, but he especially needs help. He should be under psychiatric care and also get an opportunity to take care of some animals (very, very supervised) and hopefully grow to love them. He needs help now because in 10 years he might kill a person if he keeps up like this.

Answer 2

Children's brains and personalities are formed during the first three years of life; so, at this point, it may be too late for this kid. He isn't normal, as you know. Normally, young children want to care for animals or are fascinated with things like frogs.

As long as the kid is playing with sticks and guns and whatever his brain isn't learning to do things that are more constructive. I always had the rule no toys with 'stick handles" because even the calmest and most mature and sensible kids change when they have a stick to wave around. (It always starts with leading a parade with the stick, but then it turns into swinging it around and chasing imaginary stuff in the air with it. - but I digress).

That little boy needs someone to drill it into him that other living things have feelings and that hurting them is a bad thing. He's showing signs of antisocial personality or being a sociopath; and he really should be given some kind of help now (even if its in the form of a professional telling his mother what she needs to be saying to him).

Maybe his mother thinks that ignoring him will make him stop (the way people are told to ignore some other behaviors like bad words). Maybe, too, she won't say anything in front of other people because she may think it isn't the time or place. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt.

If she isn't horrified by his talk and behavior she may not be a kind person herself. Anyone with normal caring about other living creatures/people would find it horrifying. Maybe she doesn't realize that no matter what a child does his brain is forming connections; and if he's doing "stupid play" his brain is wiring up in a way that leans toward "stupid". If he were playing something like L'egos or riding a bike or play with a pal his brain would be wiring up for positive interaction and other positive things.

One of the signs of a person who may grow up to be a killer or sociopath is hurting animals and other children. That is not a "boys will be boys" thing. It is a warning sign.

There's a chance this child could also be a little mentally slow or emotionally immature because very intelligent children and emotionally mature children do not exhibit this wild and violent behavior. He could be good at math-type skills, but he may be slow when it comes to the verbal reasoning/human skills (which include emotional maturity).

Answer 3

I doubt his playing with toy weapons has any relation to his issues--he wasn't using a toy pistol to strangle that puppy, was he?
Unfortunately, you have to get through his parents' blind spot, and that won't be easy. Is your son on your side? Put some pressure on him, and be sure both parents know that you are scared for the child. This is a serious psychological issue, and the family needs to see both a child psychologist and a family therapist, as it's unlikely he got in this condition by himself.
In the meantime, you can do some things to help. Obviously he gets to come to your house, and this would be a good time to make sure he isn't engaging in "constant play with weapons." After all, all things in moderation. Give him some Play-doh, and challenge him to make sculptures with you. I've heard many times that four years old is too young to understand the value of other lives, but you can certainly chat about why it feels bad when someone hurts you, and why it isn't right to hurt someone else.
Good luck, and don't give up.

Answer 4

I never allowed my children to play with toy guns as we live on a farm where guns are around and I didn't want them to think of them as toys.
But I know many kids that have them without an issue. 99% of children play with sticks but I'm sure that very few of them would either think to kill 1 frog let alone follow through with it OR continue to kill them. It is this cruelty issue that I think indicates that the little boy has a problem , not what he plays with.
At 4 years of age I would be thinking that this behavior is learned behavior from parents or an older child in contact with him, or that this little boy has serious psychological issues either due to a medical condition or trauma induced.
I am not a professional (which is what it sounds like he needs) but it seems to me that wanting to cause pain in others shows that he is feeling pain and this may be the only way he can show it. His Mum can NOT ignore his calls for help, it is her job to protect him.

Answer 5

This time grandma is right!!! It seems as though the child has some verrrrry serious issues. I have never heard of anything like this except on Dr.Phil and such. First thing I would do is take away ANYTHING that can be used as a weapon and talk to a doctor...there could be something desperately wrong with the child, for instance if he goes to daycare or has a daycare provider something could be going on, which we hope that is NOT the case and just a very AWFUL reaction to a show.

Answer 6

I don't think the toy weapons are a problem. Lots of kids play with them and are responsible. Either she's not teaching him right or he has some deep seeded issues that need to be addressed. Serial Killers have a tendency to abuse and hurt animals at an early age. This kid needs phychological help and fast!

Answer 7

I let mine play with toy guns, foam swords and shields. And he is fine and dandy. Doesn't attack his grandparents minpin or try to kill living things. Of course if I see any behavior that I find troubling, I quickly let him have a warning in a very firm voice. Which he usually always respects.

His mother shouldn't have let him watch a show where they showed an animal dying. That is not proper children TV viewing. Right now he probably doesn't understand death/ is oblivious to what happens to a living thing as it dies. He might not understand that animals can feel pain.

Answer 8

sounds like a natural born serial killer very sad and another good reason for issuing parenting licenses. My 4 year old played a video game which used guns and when he started to play guns outside of the video game not only was it taken away but he was talked to over and over about how guns are not fun and the seriousness that come with the use of guns. Maybe it's just me but a red flag goes up when my kid or someone else's kids shows violent nature.

Answer 9

I am not sure a four yr old should be allowed to watch a tv show about deer hunting. It is just not necessary to expose such young children to the concept of death. Hurting animals is a serious problem, and wanting to hurt them. I have read that when giving things to play with like toy guns, swords and even things like superhero costumes it can make children play alot rougher than if they pretended by using their fingers as a gun or sticks as a sword. At my sons childcare centre they banned allowing the kids to wear superhero costumes at daycare as it was causing to much violent play. This boy needs to learn that hurting living things is wrong. He may also need more serious help. His mother needs to be encouraged to seek help for her boy. Perhaps she is so defensive because she feels she can't controll him and is embarrassed. Have you spoken to your son or to her mother about this. Perhaps she would be more willing to listen if it came from one of them. Good luck, It would be tragic if this caused the boy more serious problems in the future.

Answer 10

I'd try to keep other children away from him. It sounds like he has a horrible upbringing. Normal, welladjusted boys do NOT torture animals or people. Boys that age play swords, pretend fight, and want to be a hero. They don't go around strangling people, killing animals, or abusing pets. The kid needs to be in therapy. If he is allowed to continue this behavior, he'll grow up to be a man that thinks its ok to hurt things. He might abuse his wife or worse. But I cannot see him growing up to be a productive member of society without some intervention. First thing is to get rid of the violent tv shows. He's proven that its too much for him and he enjoys acting it out more than he should. I'd be scared of the kid, quite frankly.