, I dont have any job skills, dont work,and totally depend on a money controlling monster.
He wont help me with my student loans, like he said would when I was pregnant, hates the idea of working, wont pay for daycare, I have no friends anymore,he wont get me a car so I can get out, and he always forgets what I say.
Whenever I say I want to leave he threatens me with ur child by saying get out of his house (he owns it) and sign our son over.
I feel trapped, how am I suppose to get a job if I cant get daycare to look after him? My common law husband works mostly out of town as well.
I am depressed, I know why and I cant do nything about it.
I cant believe this is my life, this is not what i ever thought it would be.
I am such a loser.
2006-12-05 18:35:17 · 22 answers · asked by stayathomemomnightmare 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
He hates the idea of me working...sorry.
2006-12-05 18:35:44 · update #1
naw you're not a loser, dump his ***, tell your story to the judge he'll take your side if that's how it is!
2006-12-05 18:40:33 · answer #1 · answered by cowtrasher 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I don't mean to be rude but your boyfriend sounds a bit self involved. Your not a loser, just someone who thought family life would be a lot different than the reality that it actually is. It's hard and can sometimes be a very lonely place, especially when you think of your life and friends you had before you had your baby. As for no job experience, maybe you could try a job center that has jobs for on the job learning,,,no experience needed as you are given the opportunity to learn as you work, or even try a training scheme.
As for him threatening you with the house...I'm sure your not totally alone in this world and have your family, if you do have family support then don't ever feel you and your son will be homeless. he cant force you to sign your son in to his full care.
It sounds as if he has taken all your confidence away, maybe think about how you and your baby's life might be better without him. He sounds like a bully and to be honest as your baby grows and has his father as his male influence it's not going to have a very good effect on your son if he sees his father treating you like that.
Good luck in the future
2006-12-05 23:47:22 · answer #2 · answered by jinglebells 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like it is time to get rid of him. He is controlling your life. He don't want you to work or even have a car so you CAN'T DO ANYTHING WITHOUT HIM. He likes how he can control you and make you feel like your nothing. I would leave now. You may be dependent upon his money but i swear this is no way to live.
No wonder you are so depressed. YOU CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT....MAKE him LEAVE or you LEAVE.
You can get a job that does not require much skills. A family member could watch your child for you. The state will pay someone to watch your child while you work. Check with your local welfare/foodstamp office about that.
Just because he tells you to sign over your son does not make it so.
You need to get out cause to me it is sounding also like he may beat you (maybe i am wrong) but i would honestly leave because he is not going to change.
He is jealous of you that is what it is and he likes to control your life as well.
While he is out of town -pack up and leave and dont tell people that will tell him where you are.
What is going to happen when you badly need to go somewheres for you or your child and you have no car?
He does not care for either one of you. Get out before it is too late.
There is so many things out there that can help while you are looking for a job.
1.Welfare
2.Foodstamps
3.HUD (Housing)
4.Restraining order against him
5.Family
When tax time comes around don't let him claim you or your child cause that is just more money he will be getting for claiming you two and you proably won't see that money.
I wish you luck
2006-12-05 19:01:31 · answer #3 · answered by ஐ♥Julian'sMommy♥ஐ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The loser is him not you. First of all it's your house too. You have more rights in a court of law as the child needs its mother. If you leave hims he will probably have to give you the house and pay your child support.
If you are not married to him then he has no claims on you at all but he would have to pay child support if you left him; the State would make him pay.
Maybe you need to talk to your parents and get out of this situation.
Maybe you could keep some children in your home for working mothers, so you could make money and hide it from him.
2006-12-05 18:45:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are not a loser. Have you tried talking to an attorney? That should be your first step to protect yourself and your child. Your second step should be to contact a friend or relative that will let you stay with them until you get on your feet. You can also contact a local women's shelter for guidance on where to receive job training. Once that is done, you'll be able to find yourself a decent job, an apartment, a car, etc. It's important that you take control of your life while your son is still young. He will have much more respect for you later.
2006-12-05 18:43:53 · answer #5 · answered by CW 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Live for you and your son. He is powerless in the fact that you created your son in your tummy, right? Move out when he is away, he does not give you the love and support that you need. Contact a help group, relative, friend, etc. LEAVE!!! If he does not appreciate and love you now he will not in one more year or ten. Trust me!!! Move out, get a job with daycare assistance, there is something that you can do. What about computer skills, secretarial, sales, retail, food, utilities, etc..... Then, get him to pay for child support, the law is on your side, you are the MOTHER and the law knows that you are queen!!! You have skills, get away from this loser, believe in yourself, and move on. I care for you already. Good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-12-05 18:53:59 · answer #6 · answered by Serious 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You aren't a loser. He is.
Do you have other family members who can help you?
If not you should consider seeking protection. Depending on your state you may need a divorce to end this common-law marriage.
Try to see an attorney, or legal aid. If your common law hubby won't cooperate you have no choice but to end the relationship.
You sound fairly intelligent. There are ways out. Quit feeling sorry for yourself and look for solutions. Self-pity is dragging you down further than you need to be. Be positive and move ahead with your life.
2006-12-05 18:47:02 · answer #7 · answered by Warren D 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
God Bless you, that's the first thing I have to say to you. The second thing I have to say is that you have gotten yourself caught in an abusive relationship. Abuse isn't only physical, it can also be mental. What I would advise you to do is contact a local women's shelter that deals with abused and battered women and their children. I live in Las Vegas, Nevada and our local shelter is called Safe Nest, they take in a hide women and their children and aide them in finding housing and jobs. I would of course do this when your common law husband is out of town. Or my next offer of advise is to contact family if you have any and take up residence there. Then contact your local welfare department and try to get aide until you can get onto your feet. Good luck honey. Don't stay in an abusive relationship any longer than you have to. I am too a stay at home mom and my mom was a abused woman for 15 years until she got the courage to leave. God bless and really look at all your options, your child needs you to be strong and do what's best for you and your child.
2006-12-05 20:36:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you want to do with your life. God put us on the earth for a purpose of doing something: Join an organization to help other, be a member of the PTA, find a hobby, go to school and learn a new skill or get a job (not to go against your husband but he is holding you back for exploring life opportunities) what ever you do enjoy it and do not let your husband stop you. Also let no one control you get out of that marriage before he do more than controll you he may hurt or kill you.
2006-12-05 18:43:34 · answer #9 · answered by mickey864 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being with him may make you feel like a loser, but you are definately not a loser. If he can't support what you want, then you need to leave. He can't take your child just because you want to leave him, he would have to prove you were an unfit mother. You need to look for a job so you can take care of you and your son finacially so you don't have to rely on anyone else. Good Luck!
2006-12-06 01:25:10 · answer #10 · answered by latingirl0527 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not a loser, its him for treating you like this and making you feel this way. I would make one last attempt at speaking with him, tell him how your feeling and what he is doing makes you feel terrible. Explain how getting a job would make you feel better, give you confidence and also give you all more money. If he doesn't listen to you and still treats you this way, i would leave and take my child with me, no matter what he says. Do you not have family close by that could put you up till you get back on your feet?
Yes you are depressed but you can do something about it and deep down i think you know what to do for yourself and for your son.
Good luck
Leanne
2006-12-05 18:56:50 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋