how do you get your self esteem back during and after a bad relationship?

Question

im down and i mean down. why would he treat me like this when i was only good to him? what is wrong with me. my self esteem is down and i need ways to bring it back up after this man has ignored my feelings for 3 yrs.

Answer 1

Remember that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. To me, that means you are a heart that is hurting, but you are so much more. You are a brain that can think without him. You are a friend to many. You are a person with God Given talents. You are not defined by your relationship with this guy. He will be a distant memory one day. Don't let him pull you down to a level of beneath him. He's gone. Let go of him and find you. It's hard. I am sending you a poem, I wrote about a guy. Maybe it will help you...or somebody who reads it.

A poem for a break up
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I asked him if he loved me
He used to say "Yes."
Then he said "Guess"
Now he says "Less".
What do you do
When the one who loves you
Won't confess?

For him, I built
Castles in the air.
But my broken dreams
Won't repair.
Am I blessed
Or is my life a mess?

How do I find the motivation
To pull myself out of a bed
He's no longer in
And dress myself for myself.
And force my day to begin?

Am I allowing this man
To hold me back?---
But not back so far
To the point I was before,
Before he stormed into my life
Proclaming his love for me.

But now I know "Less" and " Guess"
Aren't his best.
And he didn't love me
As much as I do
Or as much as he loved himself.

Yes, I'm blessed,
WITHOUT HIM!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Answer 2

Girl look to the future. At least you are getting rid of a loser early. the best way to get your self esteem back is to concentrate on yourself doing things that make you happy. I was in a relationship with a man who cheated and abused me for 25 years. I thought having children would change him but it didn't. I left him about 3 years ago and I feel great. I have my days when I would love to have a companion but I get over it. I do not want to take the chance of someone hurting me again or worse doing something to my children. You can make, just pray.
God Bless

Answer 3

Focus on yourself before you start another relationship. Your self esteem will always ruin relationships. You need to value yourself more and be more confident. It might take some time, so try being single for a while. Do things that interest you- pursue your goals, hobbies, hang out with friends, work out, play sports, do something creative, etc. Just don't try looking for a piece of yourself in someone else. You might just attract the totally wrong kind of person. Someone who treats you badly is not worth your time, energy, or heartbreak...

Answer 4

Search within yourself for the real issues and work on them first. The man is not worth it. You are worth more than him. There are plenty of guys out there that will treat you the way you want to be treated as long as you know who you are as a person. Sounds like you are at the begining of the road to discovering yourself. Self discovery is esteem boosting in itself. Go find yourself girl and dont take crap from no-one :)

Answer 5

He spent 3 yrs tearing down your esteem, it won't take that long to build it. Try to spend your time with people that don't feel it is neccessary to point out your faults. Make sure you do things that are for you,and no one can take away from you. Exercise will make you feel good about yourself, and eventually make you look good to. Three months of working out will be about what it takes for people to begin to notice a physical change, but it takes only weeks for them to notice the strength increase mentally.

Answer 6

i think by boosting your selfestem back up is to just do something for u something makes u happy and fun i know u are worth more then u think and if hes ignored your feeling dont let him either talk to him or move on noone deserve to be treated like that i should know and theres someone out there that will love u for u and build your selfesstem sounds to me that hes the only one with the problem hes taking advantage of your love or u being good to him dont give him that chance dont count on him to make your happiness or to have a chance to hurt your selfestem and 3 years is a long time to be treated like that enough is enough be strong dont care about what he says to u what matters is what your real love once say like parents or and siblins etc wil thats my thought hope it helps

Answer 7

I just went through that too. Chances are that the problems were all his and not yours. Look at this as a chance to really focus on yourself, your friends, and family. Being around the people who really love you is great therapy. Go out, mingle, being single again can be very fun. Get a great makeover and feel good about yourself. You will find someone in the future.

Answer 8

To put this most simply: your self esteem should be bullet-proof before you ever try to enter a relationship. If you are feeling less than worthy in your own mind what could you possibly have to offer someone else?

Your proper attitude should be to love yourself first, then start interviewing people who admire you (and of course whom you can admire).

Answer 9

You are worth more than what he gave you. You really are. I don't have the most impressive self esteem either, but I found a way to work through it. I was in a terrible relationship with a cheating scum bag for several years. One day, I woke up and said to myself. "You are worth more than this. Don't you want to be happy? You deserve to be happy." So, I dumped the guy, kicked him out of my house, and went out with my girlfriends. I got all dressed up and just pretended like I was hot until I believed it. It's like the saying goes, "Fake it till you make it."
Get off your butt, get out in the world and re-create who you are, because you DO have the power to change your world.

Answer 10

Oh wow eaglestra I'm sorry for your trouble. First and foremost you got to get the simple fact thru your head that...You Are A Worth While Person......no matter what he said...they said....whatever.....you are a Worth While Person. Spend some time with family ( like an activity...shopping etc. ) or a close friend and get out of da doom gloom and get yourself back on track and shoot for the stars !!! Oh..and it won't hurt to wish for a Piano to fall on the " former"...LOL !! Be Happy !!