where will life take me??

Question

my one love did purpose to me months ago ... in the begining he was a true romantic... rose pedals on a bed ... expressing love through endles phone calls, poem, letters, emails, now ... i have to change everything about me ... i quit drinking and doing drugs, i pay more attention in school and have all a's and b's ... i work constantly ... but it isnt enough, i always tell him my love for him ,i still email, write poems and letters but dont get the same in return . now in order for me and him to be together forever i have to quit smoking the one thing that still links me to the past.. i have a time limit to .. and its hard to do when that still links me to who i truely am .. you probally may not understand that unless you know me but ... ive given up my LIFE .. and he hasnt given up anything but the feelings he used to give me ... help me .. where will me changeing myself for him take me in life if we do wed? even though he hasnt changed ( for the better ) for me at all .... ??

Answer 1

The way you say you've changed your life makes it sound like a negative thing, but it sounds like you've made your life a lot better for yourself and everyone around you. You should give up smoking, if not for him, for yourself.

Answer 2

Your right its hard to understand your situation because we arent in your shoes. However from what you have written it shows me that he loves you, regardless of the letter and the poems, true love isnt shown with flowers and poetry it is shown with actions that are life changing. He may see something you dont, your so into keeping this LIFE, and not wanting to give it up, that maybe you arent seeing what you could gain if only you would make a sacrafice. Nothing is free in this world, you always have to give something up, in order to gain something. Drinking, drugs and smoking(anything) are not what makes your life up. The people that suround you, the things that you do, that affect your life, like your job, are what make up your life. The other things are just choices you make, you can either live with them or without them. They are not neccessary to life. If you love this man, and he is a big part of your life, then maybe giving up the smoking isnt such a hard thing to do. Your going to be replacing smoking with the love of a man who will treat you like you deserve. Give this new LIFE a try, who knows maybe what you thought was your life was only a stepping stone to what the future holds in store for you.

Answer 3

You need to quit smoking anyway. Haven't you seen the "You don't always die from tobacco" commercial? He is trying to save your life and/or the quality of your life. It's not like he wants a three-some or something!
The changes you have made are making you a better person. He must really love you. Even if it doesn't work out, you life is still better. You win either way. Put the cancer sticks down!

Answer 4

Hi,

I read your posting with great interest, and am sorry you have apparently suffered.

If you know ion your heart you have given up what makes you yourslef, he is not right for you. Proposals or not, the time now is for you to be authentic with yourslef on many levels.

I am a former NYC teacher, who used to tell his high school female students to make something of themselves and not to rely on a man to bring hapiness. The divorce rate is over 50 percent failure in the USA for first time marriages, over seventy percent failure rate for second time marriages.

You MUST develop yourself to the fullest, define what makes you tick and passionate, and you must become extremely successful in your career and interests. It is only then that the right people show up.

Sex is to reproduce the species only. It is not love. Love is something else. Sex can improve with real love and intimacy. If you are in lust, it is not love. If someone is bad to you, or if they oinvaldiate your interests, goals, hobbies and friends, you do not want sex with them unless you are delusional and are using them too, or if you mistakingly think that a great orgasm will make the men stay or change.


I have learned about boundaries. I have the feeling you know little about them if you have lost yourslef in this relationship. There is a great book on the subject called Boundaries. It is a thick non-religious book on the subject, a soft cover, /Ph DO written. Don't Say Yes When You Want to Say No is another great book.

I personally have done numerous workshops, read lots of self help books, been in therapy, etc.

I urge you to immediately register for and take The Forum, a three day one evening intesnvie. It is offered by The Landmark Education Corporation. I had discoivered it led my back to my authenticity and intergrity with myslef. Do an engine search for them, and do this wonderfully empowering self-discovery program.

If a man says he loves you and cheats, disempowers you, controls you, he does not love you. If a man never says he loves you but treats you well, he loves you. It is all about actions. YOU want a man who can walk equally with you and you with him, one who asks for advice, one who doesn't bottle up anger, and that goes both ways.

Answer 5

Actually I see only good things for you with this man. He wants you to drop bad habits so you have a long life with him & you are healthy enough to have babies that will survive. You are both changing or growing but you think it is just you- well it is both of you, changing for the better. And to think smoking is the link to your past- wow , what a wacky link. You think not drugging-drinking- smoking is " giving up your LIFE " you better look within yourself. You think it is only you because you have had to " sacrifice" so much for this man- grow up & quit whining! And if you think that your man has not changed enough for you- dump him- but you will never,ever find another man as tolerant of you as he is- get a grip. You are lucky this man has stuck by you , keep chugging along & you will have a splendid life with this man & lots of wonderful kids& cute kitty & nice dog, small farm with farm animals, chickens- milk cows- horses. Happy trails,good luck.

Answer 6

if you lose yourself in the pursuit of making someone else happy, you will ultimately be an unhappy person. however, being that the things that you are giving up are negative things, perhaps you will thank him for it down the line. problem with you is, it wasnt your idea to quit those things, but someone elses, and that always makes us feel like we have been forced into some life changing event and no one likes that. so anyway, smoking doesnt make you who you are and it certainly shouldnt be something that you embrace. love and affection is much more rewarding anway.

Answer 7

You are involved with a control freak. He wants to remake you, control you, until he has complete power over you. There will be nothing left of your personality. Then he will abuse you, both emotionally and physically. It is good for you to give up drinking and drugs, but you should do it because you want to do it for yourself, and not to gain his love. He is the type of person who will never like you for who you are, he will always want you to change this or that, because that is where he gets his thrill, from controlling you. Run the other way.

Answer 8

CHANGING FOR SOMEONE TO LOVE U WILL TAKE U NO WHERE IN LIFE. U SHOULD CHANGE BECAUSE U WANT TO AND NOT BECAUSE SOMEONE IS FORCING U TO. AND ANOTHER THING HE HASN'T CHANGED FOR U SO WHY SHOULD U. ALSO LOOK AT YOUR CHANGES IN A POSITIVE WAY AT LEAST U QUIT DOING DRUGS AND DRINKING. BUT NEVER STOP BEING WHO U ARE 4 ANYONE!!

Answer 9

wat life u wan, u are the one holding on ur life.. whether or not u wan it to be positive or negative its up to u to decide bcoz only u urself can lead the way u wan. Believe urself, others is not u.. they wont understand u.. its human.. we born with diff perception.