My husband's uncle has terminal cancer, and 2 years ago he was given 6 months to live. He's beaten life to a pulp, but today he has gone into the hospital for the last time. He lives in Texas (we live in Kansas), and my mother-in-law has flown out to spend time with him. No one knows if he will actually make it out of the hospital or if he's going to die tomorrow.
Obviously we have to prepare for a funeral. It's strange how you can spend a lifetime preparing but it's still not enough.
The main issue:The only place we could stay in Texas would be with the family of my husband's uncle; from my standpoint that seems intrusive to demand that the grieving family house us as well. There is no place for our son to sleep (14 months), and we don't have the funds to stay in a hotel.
I've discussed this with my husband and while we have time, we're stuck. We just don't know what to do.
Any opinions?
2006-12-05 15:25:23 · 6 answers · asked by FaZizzle 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I should mention that we want to support them. We really do. My mother-in-law is very...delicate. She takes offense to many, many things, and as I've expressed to my husband, I'm afraid she'll take offense to our lack of attenting.
My husband is having second thoughts of taking off of work if he has to. He hasn't even been there a year, and while they would excuse him, he's in the middle of a lay off. He doesn't want to sacrifice his job for this.
I guess I'm just looking for some outside advice. Sometimes the best advice is from someone not involved in all the emotions.
2006-12-05 15:32:06 · update #1
This is a sticky situation, but I would recommend talking to your husband uncle's family (not your mother-in-law) and expressing all of this. Ask them for their opinion, and make sure they are not holding back.
Perhaps it is best to leave the baby at home in the care of a trusted friend or relative (maybe your side of the family) because bringing a baby to another house for a funeral will be a HUGE imposition, much more than you and your husband.
Maybe you and your husband could just fly out for the day, which would alleviate your concerns over his job, and it would also make the lack of a place to stay moot. It sounds extreme, but the flight from Kansas to Texas is not that long.
2006-12-05 15:36:19 · answer #1 · answered by shaclare 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Staying with the family, especially since they are family, should not be a "problem". You can make yourself "useful" while you are there, by helping with meals, cleaning, taking messages, etc.,... On the other hand, sending flowers/card may be just what they would expect. If they are aware at all of the financial situation, they would know you could not possibly make it. You know the "reprucussions" later (if you really know the family). Just weigh out what is going to matter in the long run. You may always have the chance to make more money to "catch up", but only one chance to "be there" for your mother-in-law and the rest of the family. Follow your hearts (including hubby's)
2006-12-06 01:25:08 · answer #2 · answered by sweetness 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very sorry to hear what you're going thru. My brother died suddenly (age 41) in July and I had to travel across country for the funeral. Making travel plans was difficult during that time and expensive.
You should not have to spend money you really can't afford. I don't see anything wrong with sending a lovely floral arrangement from the family and let your mother-in-law and uncle's fmly know you care, but cannot possibly come to the funeral. They should understand.
2006-12-05 23:39:52 · answer #3 · answered by Nels 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you really don't have a lot of options here. If finances are a more pressing issue, then unless you pray for warm temperatures and have a tent and a campground nearby...asking the family sincerely isn't a bad thing to do. Maybe they will enjoy your visit, and the distraction from the grief will be a welcomed thing. You'll never know unless you ask. Not going is not an option.
2006-12-05 23:34:37 · answer #4 · answered by ktoffer 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you wait until you find out that he has passed then could come to TX just for the funeral. I don't think it is unappropriate for you to stay with the family because in times of grief family is one thing you always need. You can feel better about it by helping with cooking and cleaning while you are there. I think they would like it better for you to come and stay with them then to not come at all.
2006-12-05 23:34:17 · answer #5 · answered by freakyallweeky 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send a card of regrets and a nice note or story to share with the family. People do understand not having the funds to go.
2006-12-05 23:34:12 · answer #6 · answered by larlonewolf 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋