Do u think im a horrible father...?

Question

me and my 15yo son got into a really heated argument bc he wanted a ps3 tht we couldnt afford. I was only goin to ground him for yelling at me when he called me a failure, and i just losed it.i got really mad and i smacked him hard on his face. it was pretty bad bc there was blood. i didnt know what to do ive never raised my hand to him like tht b4. he was bleeding and i just left to take a drive and 2calm down. my wife says tht it doesnt make me a bad dad. but i feel like it does bc after i got bac 4rm my drive i went to tlk to him and was shaking so bad bc he was afraid of me.i told him tht i was sorry and he told me tht he loved me and tht he forgives me...but i still feel terrible.does this makes me a bad dad?

Answer 1

if thats the first time you've raised your hand in his 15 years your doing well....it was a stupid thing to do and the fact that your remorseful shows your a good person...you'll have some ground to make up with him now though...trust might be an issue between you but work on it it will be ok

Answer 2

Well, something like that is going to leave an imprint on your mind, but you obviously didn't have your mind set on hitting him when you first started arguing. You had the right to feel angry at him for calling you a "failure" because he should respect you enough to understand that you can't get a ps3 for him. If you're not hitting him all of the time, then don't feel too bad for slapping him just this once. Now your son knows where the line falls and knows not to cross it anymore. An argument about an outrageously expensive ps3 shouldn't be something you have to dwell on, so learn to forgive and forget.
And so sorry if the advice sounds kindof childish- I'm a teenager.

Answer 3

No. I smacked my 14 year old daughter once. She was yelling at me and called me a B. THEN she pushed me. Um, I don't think so. I smacked her right upside the head about four times. She hasn't come towards me like that since. Of course, I felt bad - but sometimes I think they need to know there is a line they can't cross. The real world works that way. Everyone has their limits. He should be afraid of you, a little fear isn't a bad thing. Every watch the Maury show? Or any of those daytime talk shows for that matter? The ones where they have the kids that are out of control, swear, mouth off and hit their parents??? I refuse to lose control of my house. I love my kids and my goal is to get them ready for life. Not pretend that everything they do is ok.
Talk to him in a couple of days. Not right now. He will try to play it to make you feel guilty. I'm not sure how your parents were, my mother was really abusive - that is NOT me. I am the opposite of her. You probably feel awful and think that he will hate you now. I promise you that he won't and he will respect your authority now that you have his attention. Don't apologize for anything either. He needs to be sorry for what he said..... Or pay the rent.

Answer 4

I dont know how to call that one.Bc yes kids r goin to get under ur skin, but thats no reason to hit him. And lets just say he says something again in a few months that hurts ur pride, what's goin to happen then?? Is it goin to be just yellin at him, or is it goin to make u so upset that u goin to weld on him agin?? And if u cant answer that question w/out a doubt in mind, then I think u might need to talk to someone.
I was hit as a child so u'll have to forgive me, for being a smart butt if I came off like that. But all in all I dont think ur a bad father. God Bless.
P.S.
Tell ur son that there is only 4 have to haves in this life, and they r 1)Home 2)Clothes 3)Food 4)Love, everything else is a prilivage.

Answer 5

You aren't a bad father. But please don't do that to him again... my mom used to back hand me with her ring hand-in the face... my dad also when I was 18 got really mad at me and slapped my face- 2 times total... and one time it felt as if he broke my jaw... it made me not want to be in their house ever again, and to get far away. I felt so alone. And to this day, I won't forget it, I do forgive them both, but I can't forget it.

If you ever feel this way again, take a deep breath, and leave, as you did here.

You should talk to your son, tell him if you buy him everything in the world, he will never learn to live on his own, that he should save his money for himself- it would make him a whole lot prouder of himself if he did. Not only that, those are terribly hard to get, you have a family, you really can't wait in those long lines for days at a time. Tell him he needs to be reasonable. I'm trying to get my husband the Nintendo Wii for Christmas- and have had NO luck- we didn't think that would be this difficult to get... but we also have a 14 month old son- so I can't wait in the lines either, and it's tough getting out to get there first... anyways, no matter what, my husband will understand if we don't get one.

Have a big talk with your son about having stuff... you don't need stuff, you need love. You also need to work for the things you want, so when he turns 16, tell him he can get a job and take some responsibility, and if he has left over money, he can get the 'stuff' he wants. Goodluck, and dont' worry too much, just try your best not to let it happen again... I think my dad is the best dad in the world, I wouldn't trade him for anyone else and I love him very much! My mom and I don't always get along- I wish we did... she's never really allowed me in, we don't talk, and if we do, it was always about money and grades when I was younger. Now I have my own family, she still causes trouble here and there- it's usually about her, and her not thinking of my interests. So keep a good bond with your son, I long for the day I will have one with my mom. :(

Answer 6

You should never hit your child, it just shows a weakness in you. Since you did it and I can speak first hand about this having been beaten by my parents when I was young and a teen I think if you are sincerely sorry you should:

Sit down and talk to your teenaged son. Tell him that what you did was wrong. Tell him you never should have done that and apologize again.

Tell him in the future when a conflict arises you will demonstrate more restraint by sitting him down to talk or if he is being a turd and won't listen, just ground him and talk when things calm down. Never make grounding for longer than that evening because that can get out of control too.

Kids are people too, they deserve the same kind of respect that you expect from others. You should see a change in your son if you make him feel like he is important too. Don't just say it, make him feel it.

About the PS3, just let him know you will get him one in the future. Let him know that hardly any kids at all are getting one for Christmas. ALSO point out the fact that the first ones off the line usually have problems that have to be worked out. Wait for the second release of the PS3, it will be better (won't overheat) and cheaper. Not to mention, more of them.

Good luck, I don't believe you are a bad or horrible father. You sound like you really do feel sorry. Just make sure he truly knows you are. : )

Answer 7

I agree with the first answer but you are a great dad if you feel bad. i suggest you talk to him and say your really sorry. Make sure you never, ever hit him again. if you do he has every right to call 911. You sound like a great dad, you dont really need anger management, but kids are like that. Especially teens. To repay him, i suggest you tell him you love him, or course, and get him something special for Christmas. This reminds me of my dad. once i just tried to go in the restroom to calm down, then whne i opened the door, he hit me with his workboots about 10 times. I looked like I got in a serious fight. Hes sorry but I still cant forgive him. hes done more too though. Good luck!

Answer 8

First of all, PS3 is so overrated.

Second, you are not a bad dad. You lost your cool. It happens. There was a time when I was like fifteen or sixteen. I got in an argument with my dad, and I called him a jerk, ******, and a b---- all in one sentence. Then I smacked him. And he smacked me back. He acteed before he thought, but it was because I hit him first. You are the dad. and if you say no ps3, then your son should respect that. Or get up off his butt and get a job to pay for it himself. I had to get a job at sixteen to pay for the crap I wanted. And I'm sick of little kids begging their parents for crap like that when they need to earn the money themselves if they want it that bad.

But no, you're not a bad father. It was the first time you laid a hand on him. It's not like you abuse him to death. Everyone loses their cool once in a while.

Answer 9

bet he won't be yelling at you anytime soon. Not a bad dad though. Apologize for loosing it but don't kiss his ***. Explain your feelings and then take up the subject of the PS3 again. He's 15 so he could probably work to come up with at least 1/2 the money. maybe you can match that at a later date and in the mean time he can play at his buddies who have it. Re-establich your relationship with him slowly. it'll take some time to get rid of all that anger on both sides.

Answer 10

First of all, you are not a bad dad, that argument sounds a lot like what my brother would get in an argument with my mother...when you start to feel that anger, leave... No offense or anything but has he REALLY forgiven you? have YOU forgiven him. Let him alone for a few days, then go talk to him. If this advice sounds bad, just remeber this is coming from a teenager

Answer 11

It doesn't make you a bad father..
and we all lose it at times, but you did take things a bit far..
your son said some things to hurt you in the heat of the moment (teenages usually do).. and you reacted..
It's a horrible situation to have your own child fear you, and my heart goes out to you.
Suggest to your son that if he wants a ps3 that badly, that he gets a part-time job to pay for it.. He's old enough to do this and it will teach him the responsibility of handling his own money.. Next time - walk away if you feel yourself losing control (easier said than done, I know but these kinds of things can leave permenant marks on both of you)