2006-12-05 13:25:38 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
One year in the 4th Century, a nice old man later known as St. Nicholas started giving gifts to small children. Not to all of them, mind you. Santa only gave gifts to good little boys and girls.
Some speculate that Santa had several nasty habits, including male prostitutes and crystal meth, and that when he gave presents to nice boys on Jesus's birthday, Santa was hoping that one of the little boys was the second coming of Christ, for Santa needed badly to get on Jesus's good side. Hell, Santa even gave presents to nice little girls, just in case Jesus had changed his mind about a few things in between comings.
Well, the bratty little kids with rich parents started complaining. "Why did Timmy get a toy and I didn't? His dad is unemployed and his mom is a waitress!" So the bratty kid's parents ventured out into the cold to buy their son a present to shut him up.
At first, the parents thought that all their spoiled little son wanted was a toy that was better than sweet little Timmy's. So they gave a really expensive third-generation console (or 4th century equivalent) to him as a present. But the little snob didn't want a present from his parents; he wanted one from Santa. Of course, this didn't mean that the half-pint hell-raiser was going to return the gift his parents had given him.
So one again, the little troll's parents went out into the snow (or humid mid-60s, if they lived in Houston) and bought another pricy toy to shut their kid up. They noticed that the stores were packed with parents who were likewise trying to appease their own spoiled children. The parents wrapped the presents tastefully and forged Santa's name on the card.
When their little turd received this second, costly present, he shut up for a short while. But by the same time the next year, Santa was still giving out presents to good little children, and bratty little kids were now used to getting two or more presents. Over the years, more and more kids demanded ever more expensive electronics (or 4th century equivalent).
When poor old Nicholas found out that his potentially soul saving generosity was being tarnished by the rich parents of bratty kids, he totally flipped out. A whole bunch of these kids, he learned, didn't even believe that he existed, and instead thought that the Salvation Army was giving gifts to the poor kids. Santa was caught in a catch-22. Those that denied his existence gave him no credit for all those toys he gave to good little children. Those that believed in Santa didn't like him because they thought he was giving spoiled little brats presents that made them even brattier.
Santa was livid. He couldn't believe that his benevolence had turned on him, just as so many gay hookers/meth dealers had done in the past. So Santa did what you or I might have done in the same situation. He sold everything he had so that he could buy a huge cache of weapons, and then armed the Germanic tribes of Europe with AK-47s (or 4th century equivalents) and set them loose on the Roman army. What resulted was a devastating loss for Rome, and eventually the fall of the empire that had been corrupted with ruthless commercialism. Santa then took his own life in hopes that his death would end the treacherous gift giving cycle.
Of course his efforts failed. Santa’s soul was damned for all eternity, for the crime of replacing the birth of the savior with an evil holiday of commercialism.
And that's the true meaning of Christmas.
2006-12-05 14:18:57 · answer #1 · answered by jake806 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Uou are confused Jesus and Santa are two different people but they are both alive and well.Jesus lives at the right hand of the Father and Santa at the North pole
2006-12-05 13:44:34 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Santa lives, he is not dead!!! The spirif of giving never dies...
Jesus Christ died for our sins and was ressurrected...He was the only perfect being ever born and the only one that could atone for the sins of this world..... He lives again... and he will come to earth once more.... will we be ready? Would you like to learn more now so you don't get them mixed up again? ;0)
2006-12-05 13:35:55 · answer #3 · answered by MaggieO 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Christmas is meant to be approximately Christ. Now it grew to become commercialized and Jesus grow to be taken out of it, it grew to become public to all while President Ullysees S. furnish made it that way.
2016-10-14 02:48:41 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm laughing so hard I almost hit my head on my laptop.
You are so lucky I didn't spill anything on my keyboard, or I would sue you for asking such a question. Ha. . . Ha.
2006-12-05 13:33:14 · answer #5 · answered by Shalltell 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Easter Bunny had that day off.
2006-12-05 13:28:11 · answer #6 · answered by acgsk 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
to save lil elf munchkins like you.
jokes aside, i see no purpose in this question beyond offending honest Christians.
Yahoo Answers is NOT the place to start your Santa-cult.
2006-12-05 13:27:59 · answer #7 · answered by Neha S 3 · 0⤊ 4⤋
He didn't...it was last years freezer burned cookies that did it...no one has come forward yet though.
2006-12-05 13:27:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Satan dident die for your sins...
2006-12-05 13:30:36 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
because we're all very bad naughy ppl that he couldn;t take it anymore
2006-12-05 13:28:42 · answer #10 · answered by × 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋