Some advice from mature posters please............?

Question

At the moment I am experiencing a difficult situation.To set the scene, when I started working for my ex-employer 5yrs ago,I became good friends with a wonderful girl. I'm 29, she's 24.She is fiercely intelligent, strong, independent, confident, caring, funny, sensitive,and is the most beautiful and attractive human being I have ever had the pleasure to meet. One smile from her makes my day.We always got on extremely well at work and, we have a lot in common. I was in a long-term relationship at the time, but that ended two years ago.When I left we remained good friends. She was quite ill recently and I was worried sick.That was when I slowly began to realise how I felt about her.Often, I'll go and see her and we spend hours just talking and having a laugh.My problem is that I'm terrified if I tell her my feelings have changed she'll back off. I don't want to put any pressure on her, all I want is for her to be happy even if it's not with me. Any advice would be very much appreciated.

This question is all about one girl. I met her at work 5 years ago and we became close friends, but our relationship has always been purely platonic. Since she became ill about 8 months ago, I have begun to realise that she means more to me than just a friend and possibly has done for a long time. We do spend a bit of time alone together (lunches, coffees or just chilling out some nights) and when we do we get along extremely well. To cut a long story short (lol), It's dawned on me that she is the most amazing woman I've ever met and I'm scared that if I tell her it will affect our friendship in a detrimental fashion. I think most people got that anyway, but thought I'd better clear it up..lol
p.s thank you to everyone who left kind answers. :)

Answer 1

I understand how you feel, I have been in a similar situation myself. I find that honesty is the best policy. Let her know that time changes things for people and let her know you have come to care for and about her in a very special way and that you do not want to ruin the friendship but let her know how you feel. She may feel the same way about you...you will never know until you ask and discuss it.
Keep us posted....I will be praying for you

Answer 2

Just ask, some time when you are talking and things are nice and mellow, just ask "Have you ever wondered what it would have been like if we had ended up as boyfriend and girlfriend?".
This is a great question, because it sounds hypothetical. You are not saying you want to change anything, just wondering how it would have been in an alternate universe sort of way. If she seems like its a good idea to her and she gives you a very positive answer, then the follow up question is, "Well, someday I'd like to see how it would work in real life, we will have to go on a date someday!"
She will probably laugh as the idea of a date for two people who have known each other for years is kind of silly, but that is a good thing. If you keep it light and silly it will help defuse the tension of the conversation.
But on the other hand, if you ask that first question, and she gives you a negative sort of answer, you can just say "Yeah, I was scared it would wreck our friendship too, but I've been thinking about it for a couple weeks and I really think we would make a good couple now that we are older than when we first met". You can go on to say that you respect her opinion and let her know that if she ever changes her mind, you think it would be fun to try a real date. So you end up at the same point, letting her know you are interested, but not asking her point blank yes or no. Give her a month or two to think about it. Then one day when you are hanging out as usual, ask her if she has though anything more about the date thing, and see what she says. If she gives you a negative answer, let it go, she has made her decision it will never work. If she reacts positively, then lock down a date for your first real date, as she obviously wants to, but is scared to make the first move.

Answer 3

I say tell her. It sounds like she is way too amazing to pass up. By the way that you interact together, it seems like she might have the same feelings. Have you ever tried to kiss her or "make a move?" If so, did she back away? I would also let her know that you were worried sick when she was ill and it made you realize that you might have feelings for her more then that of a friend. I would go from there. If she says that she does not feel the same way you need to do your best to not feel awkward and go on as usual. Sometimes the best relationships are the ones that started as good friendships!! Good luck!

Answer 4

if she's not involved with anyone why not just ask her out.( Do it during the daytime and maybe it won't feel SO much like a date.) It certainly sounds like you have a good friendship that could possibly lead to something else and I'm sure she must have some idea that you are interested in her after all this time. Just ask, what's the worst that can happen? You already said you just want her to be happy so if she says no you'll understand.

Answer 5

I think the reason I never got very close to anyone is because of all this DRAMA! If someone were keen on me I would spot that in his or her eyes in a heartbeat. The ambiguity you have put into the biggest paragraph in Brighton rivals the translations off the insides of the pyramids in Egypt and with just about as much sense. Chemistry is what it is called. If it is there, there is nothing you can do to ruin it. If it is not there there is nothing you can do to put it there. Seek chemistry. All this hesitation and descriptions AT something cannot hold a candle to the real item.

Answer 6

i felt the same way in a similar situation once. my advice is to tell her that you like her and deal with the consequences. eventually it will come out and the longer you harvest those feelings the worse it will feel if she does react badly. on the bright side of things if she truly cares for you as a friend you will always have that relationship and those are just as special. good luck either way

Answer 7

I could give you the advice..........lots of it..........why would you want that, when you've talked yourself into the very answer you so desperately seek? Does this surprise you? Let me say, your grammar is first rate........always a treat here on Yahoo Answers. Let's go down to the next to the last sentence in your question....."all I want, is for her to be happy, even if it's not with me" read it a couple of times............it sounds to me, as if you finally got to really know her, like you never had before...............the happiness is in your voice.......and you don't mention the new girl again. What do you think?.............LATER

Answer 8

Unfortunately, you only have two choices: you can tell her how you feel and take that risk that terrifies you, or you can continue feeling torn up by the fact that you're afraid to tell her. Has she given you any sign at all that your feelings for her may be reciprocated? Good luck. I hope you make the right decision.

Answer 9

Asking her would be the best way but if you honestly are too terrified to ask her use subtle hints. If you're walking togeather try walking closer and judge her reaction, hint at it when you talk.

Even if she reacts positively if you're like me you still won't be 100% positive, so just ask her imo :P

Answer 10

Look you have answered your own questions in more ways than one, you just need things confirming, hey after all the how can i say uncertianty makes everthing all that more attractive am i right. you know what u want u always have just go and get it MAN