anyone have any good jokes??

Question

i need a couple of good jokes.lets see who has the funniest one!!

Answer 1

A Cardinal of the Church dies and goes to Heaven. An angel is giving him the the grand tour and a soul goes by draped in gold trimmed pure white robe with cheribim throwing rose pedals in his path as he ascends the gold inlayed white marble steps to his massive white marble mansion. The Cardinal asks the angel who that is and the angel says, "Oh, he's a lawyer.". The Cardinal thinks, "Wow, if that is what a lawyer gets, I can imagine what I, a Cardinal of the Church, will get". They continue on the tour and enter a huge building with a 200 foot high arched enterance way and the hall equally as impressive stretches forever. After walking for miles down the hall they take a left into another hall with 100 ft. high ceilings and walk again, coming to another turn into a hall with 50 ft. ceilings. this goes on an on with each turn the hall becomes smaller and narrower until finally they are going down a hall so narrow they have to walk single file and duck into doorways to let others pass. They come to a rough hewn wooden door, the angel opens it and inside there is a small straw cot, a basin and pitcher and a small window that looks out over nothing special. The angel says, "This is where you will reside for eternity in Heaven.". The Cardinal is totally taken aback by this and blusters out, "I'm a Cardinal of the Church and THIS is all I get, why did the lawyer get so much?" The angel says, " Cardinals are a dime a dozen, he's the only lawyer we've got here.".

Answer 2

An Arkansas hillbilly, just leaving a cove well known for its fishing, was stopped by a Game Warden recently with two Ice chests full of fish. The Game Warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?" "Naw, sir, I ain't got none of them there licenses, no. You must understand these here are my pet fish." "Pet fish?" said the Game Warden. "Ya, every night I take these here fish down to da lake and let them swim 'round for a while. Then I whistle and they jump rat back into this here ice chest and I take them home." "That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!" says the warden The hillbilly looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, "It's the truth Mr.Government man, I'll show you. It really works."
"Okay," said the Game Warden, "I've GOT to see this!" The hillbilly poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited. After several minutes, the Game Warden turned to him and said, "Well?" "Well, what?" said the hillbilly. The warden said, "When are you going to call them back?" The hillbilly said, "Call who back? "The FISH!" replied the warden. "What fish?" answered the hillbilly? We in Arkansas may not be as smart as some city slickers, but we aren't as dumb as most government employees...

Answer 3

There is a bus full of ugly looking people, and the bus crashes into a truck, killing everyone in the bus. While all of them are waiting at the Pearly Gates, God comes to them and will grant one wish to each of them for their misfortune. The first person says, "Make me gorgeous." and God grants it. The second person hears the wish and says, "Make me gorgeous too." After that, everyone else next in line wishes the same thing. When about half the people have made their wish, the last person in line starts laughing his head off for some reason. When there are about 10 people still waiting to get their wishes granted, the last person in line is rolling on the floor, laughing hysterically. When God finally comes to him, the guy says, "Make 'em all ugly again."

~*LOL*~

Answer 4

Two peanuts walked into a bar. One was a salted

Answer 5

Just click on my avatar and i have 2 posted. Hope you like em.

Answer 6

mike's is hilarious, best one i've seen on here in awhile

Answer 7

nope srry