About a year ago I left a very physically (and by way of that emotionally) abusive marriage. I have dated here and there since the divorce but recently have gotten more serious with an old acquaintance. However, there is this other woman who he seems to be really good friends with and I haven't said anything to him about it at all. He's made it clear that we are exclusive...but is there a way to ask about his relationship with without upsetting him and seeming obsessive? Or, is it perhaps just none of my buisness? Forgive me if this seems trivial...I just am having a really difficult time getting back into the swing of things and seem to have forgotten what's normal.
2006-12-05 12:48:05 · 12 answers · asked by iam_simplysara 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You should never be afraid to ask or feel as if it is none of your business. You are also in this relationship you know. That does not mean you are being obsessive, but if is something that is bothering you, it is your life too and you have every right to know the truth. That does not mean you are accusing him of anything you just would like to know. Communication is what is missing. Just talk to him and you will feel better one way or the other.
I wish you all the luck in the world.
Thank You :-)
2006-12-05 12:57:37 · answer #1 · answered by Alexandra Solano 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Better safe than sorry. If you're a worthy girlfriend to any worthy man, you have every right to poke and prod. But do it with love and care - not with paranoia. In other words, if your new boyfriend isn't that great of a boyfriend, he might not be worth probing. But at the same time, you need to consider the mistakes you made with your marriage. You clearly made a drastic mistake marrying the guy who is now your ex-husband. Are you sure you've learned from that? You might be just as naive as before, and you could possibly be approaching this new relationship the wrong way. And how serious does your boyfriend seem? Even if you guys are exclusive, it could just mean he is being faithful, but not necessarily "close" to you. I know when I get involved with a girl who's been in some bad relationships, I'm very skeptical of her thought process. All in all, I think you should just ask him straight out, but don't use a nervous or hostile tone.
2006-12-05 20:55:37 · answer #2 · answered by alanime 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No I think it's perfectly normal to be cautious where you are coming from. This relationship could just be a good friendship and nothing more. Then again what may seem very innocent on the surface isn't always the reality. One way to figure it out might be to ask about her very casually, such as, "how is your friend doing?" or maybe asking "how long have you two been good friends?" Then study his reaction to these questions very carefully. Does it throw him off guard? Does he try to avoid answering? Does he seem defensive or nervous? This won't give you a definite answer but it may give you some clues to what's actually going on. It might also help to see them together and see how they act towards one another. There are friends and then there are more than friends and it should be somewhat obvious. Invite her out to dinner with the two of you and see what happens. It's good to meet his friends if you are serious about each other anyway. ;)
2006-12-05 21:01:27 · answer #3 · answered by copper_eos 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mmmmmm, this is a good question. I gather that he has told you that you two are exclusive. So it would be logical for him to be a bit frustrated if you then ask him about this woman. He may perceive it as you not believing him. Depending on the person this can be a very tricky thing to handle. I say just let things play out. If the relationship is not intrusive to your relationship with him don't make an issue where there is no issue. You have to look at it from a strategic stand point. Lets say its nothing and you ask him about it and he says it is nothing for you to be concerned about but he then goes and tells her about it. This could create a spark. You know how you don't really notice something until someone points it out to you...well just you asking the question could get her to thinking about if she really has feelings for him. If that's the case then you got a real problem on your hands. So just lay low and keep your ear to the ground. If it is something you should be concerned with I can guarantee it will show itself.
2006-12-05 21:00:07 · answer #4 · answered by Wordsmith 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you are dating exclusively, then it is implied that you are a couple. I don't see anything wrong at all in asking what his relationship is with this other women.
The whole purpose of dating is to check someone out to be a possible mate. You need to know where you stand to know if you should continue the relationship looking towards a possible future or if you should back off and just be friends.
I don't think it's trivial. If you married this guy would she still be hanging around? What would you be missing from your relationship that he shares with her rather than you?
2006-12-05 20:55:19 · answer #5 · answered by honey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's made it clear that you two are exclusive then just go with that. Gosh, millions of women would give anything to have the guys they are dating clarify that!
He's entitled to friends, male or female. You can ask him about them, like you would a male friend.....such as:
" Is Mary a teacher or does she just like books?"
"Did you and Jane have a good time at the museum?"
Asking questions shows you are interested in his life, in his interests, but that will not mean that you're "obsessed".
congrats on getting out of that abusive relationship, BTW.
2006-12-05 20:55:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever it is you'd like to know just ask. It is natural to feel at least a little jealous of a woman who seems to be close to someone you care about. If you must apologize for seeming jealous do so after you are satisfied that his relationship with her is strictly platonic.
2006-12-05 20:56:36 · answer #7 · answered by babydoll 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should ask him about it, but preface it with telling how you're hesitant to say anything because you don't want to appear to be possesive. Just ask him maybe if anything ever went on before with the two of them romantically. That might get the ball rolling about their history.
2006-12-05 20:50:27 · answer #8 · answered by sarahjaniepoo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is ok at a certain degree to know what your man is up to and what not to bring up. As long as you know with facts that you man is not cheating on you with his lady friend, but watch him closely to make sure that he is not pulling any tricks on you. Other wise until you know for sure there is nothing to worry about.
2006-12-05 20:53:15 · answer #9 · answered by gordonflames242003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah, you have right to ask, just ask him nicely without anger and making him feel guilty about it...just slip it casually like "hey who is that lady? friend of yours...?"
2006-12-05 20:53:01 · answer #10 · answered by Mila 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋