What do you of this? I have been married for 3 years and Im?

Question

a stay home mom, my husband works out of town and does not want me to have a job (insecure, thinks Ill leave or something) anyways, I told him I wanted a car and he can afford another car, he said he would get me a car 5 months ago and in the last 5 months has had plenty of money to do so, he just keeps making excuses to NOT buy me one (used) I am getting fed up with this and I have decided that I was done being nice and have since cut off from sex (sex only) and told him he wont get any until I get a car, I have said I would get a job and he said "why, ill get you a car" and hasnt yet.
He wants to be a contolling wench, well now I will be.

When he is out of town, I cant go anywhere, busses here are not always on schedule and to get anywhere takes like 50 minutes, or asking someone for a ride, but when they say 4 they mean 7.
Also "our" money is not our money but to him our means "his" money, so I cant just go out and buy a car.

Also quit saying "go get a job" my husand is NOT supportive one bit in me getting a job, and he will not help out with anything in that department...I plan on working once my kid is in school for sure, family is useless as well to me.

BTW we are not actually legally married, but we are common law and live in HIS house, we have been together 3 years. and live in canada.

Answer 1

I think ya'll need some serious marital counseling, your husband obviously has some insecurity issues that ya'll need to talk about. Having a car while he is out of town is important, what if one of the kids has an emergency? What if he has an emergency and you can't get to him. He needs to stop thinking about himself and worry about your children.

Answer 2

Honey he is doing his best to control you. The longer you let this go the worse it will get. Put a stop to it now! I will tell you what I was told once, "The guilty dog barks first". I know what you are thinking, (not my husband, he's not guilty of anything. That is exactly what I thought). Take my advise do not EVER be that naive. I'm not saying that your marriage wont work, I'm telling you that it will take a lot of time and more than anything a lot of trust from both sides.
Is there a big age difference between the two of you?
If he is the one working and it's HIS money, does that make the children YOURS?
Much Luck & don't give up!

Answer 3

Wow, I cant even imagine having a husband like that. If all you are is common law, then leave. It is not supposed to be like that. Definitley not all men are like that. My husband and I are 50/50 and I stay at home with our 3 kids , but what money he makes is mine as well as his and I have gone out and bought us a vehicle before without him even being around. You need to gain control of this situation, otherwise, it will just get ten times worse. He is way too controlling. That does not make for a healthy relationship.

Answer 4

Your home alone with children and no vehicle. what if an accident happens. Bring that point up to him. what if something happens to him how are you supposed to get there. Cutting off sex does nothing they take it as a joke. Apparently, he doesn't believe you will get a job to get yourself on your feet, so go for it. Find child care or a babysitter that you can trust and get yourself a job and a car and your money is yours not ours and then kick his controlling bleep to the curb if he don't straighten out.

Answer 5

You need to seriously talk to him about his control issues. You need a car to do the errands. What if you have to go to the store for groceries, or take your child to the doctor, or just want to meet some moms for a playgroup.Are you parents around and could help you be a partner in your marriage and not his slave??? I don't think cutting him off from sex is the best answer. I think you need to approach him about counsel ling

Answer 6

check out these sites for working from home:

http://www.willowcsn.com/

http://www1.alpineaccess.com/external/index.html

Get some sort of job. You livlihood depends on it. when you do open your own bank account and put the money you earn into it. I have a feeling in the future you will need this nest egg to get away from the abuse that will be heading your way. Your hubby is slowing taking control away from you so he can control everything about you. That is not the way to live. You need to get out now before it's too late. Especially for the sake of your child.

Answer 7

Women who lack independence in relationships tend to get the sh!t end of the stick when the relationship turns sour. If you have asked for independence and he is reluctant or not supportive, take responsibility for your own life and get a job, buy a car and probably find a new man.

Answer 8

you might be able to press charges. I don't think its legal for him to cut you off from any transportation like that although with the buses I'm not sure. also with the money thing you might be able to go to court about it. ask a family member or friend for a loan to hire a lawyer and you can pay them back when you win and can get a job!

Answer 9

Your trapped and are smart enough to know it- and yes he is controlling you- start with the car deal and any at home education or training you can get your hands on- my fear would be that once I was mobile I might find out exactly what he really was doing (or who) out of town. Your main responsiblity is the safety,mental and physical health of yourself and those children---

Answer 10

What an ***! sounds to me like he doesn't want u to have any freedom at all!!! stick with the NO sex thing, also stop doing his washing and cooking his meals, i did that and gees did my man change his tune! My man tried that rubbish on me so i turned around and played the same game. Stick with it, u'll b surprised by the out come!! good luck hone.