I don't really care for my inlaws as they are not truly good people. I need to know how to not let them get to me. Any advice?
2006-12-05 12:22:01 · 10 answers · asked by kappgal 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You do not have to love them, but if you do not want let them get to you, the best tool is politeness whatever what. Even if you have to stand by yourself, do it politely. This will protect you and your family from many problems.
Stay cool!
2006-12-05 12:24:05 · answer #1 · answered by Bella 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is truly hard to keep them from getting to you - trust me! I haven't spoken to my IL's in over a year now, because they have never approved of me, and think that my husband made a mistake in choosing me for his wife. In my situation - the nicer I was, the worse they treated me. I couldn't win, so I stopped trying. The best advice that I can give you is to make your spouse step up. They are your spouses parents, and if there is a problem, your spouse needs to deal with them. It goes the same way for you as well. Don't try to fight your own battles with the IL's. Trust me, you won't win! A little separation is always a good thing too. If you're having problems with them, limit the contact that you have with them. If it doesn't get any better, your spouse needs to step up and handle things. I wish you all the luck in the world. Having horrible IL's can really strain a marriage. Be sure to concentrate on keeping your marriage strong. That is the most important thing. Don't let them win!
2006-12-05 15:39:57 · answer #2 · answered by Megan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My in-laws live next door. My MIL is bipolar and every day she comes to my house to watch for the mail. (My house is closer, and she has to beat her husband there lest he see her credit card bills.) She is friendly one day (gave me the first hatch from the eggs her cockatiel laid) and scary the next (she took the baby bird back after I'd been hand-feeding it 8 times a day for a week and a half because she said she thought it would be happier with its siblings).
She has almost nothing positive to say, and if she does find humor in something, it's cruel humor. Like when my pants leg caught on a chair while trying to reach dishes on the top shelf (I'm short) and I fell holding four plates and one broke and I was still shaking with the fear that the pieces were going to flu into my face even though it was already over and they hadn't. She found this amusing. Laughed. Said, "What'd you break?" Or when I have schoolwork (I'm working on an associates degree) and the baby will only nap 5-10 minutes at a time. She laughs and says, to the baby, "Aw, did you take a catnap?"
Smile and be happy they don't live next door.
2006-12-05 13:36:00 · answer #3 · answered by imjustasteph 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may not want to hear this, but as far as MY in-laws go the more polite I was the worse they treated me. I took it for 4 years before I finally stood up to them and finally the relationship was severed. And now my life is soooooooo much less stressed without these people in my life. Not exactly sure how bad your situation is but mine was pretty extreme. If they are rude to you at your home I would say to them, "you are in my home I would appreciate you not doing (whatever they are doing)" and if they are rude to you in there home I would leave. Tell you husband you are leaving and won't be back till they can respect you. Trust me, being nice will not help in my situation it just made them feel like they could bully me.
2006-12-05 15:06:21 · answer #4 · answered by flredneckgal_21 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have the same issue. I have expelled them from my life which includes my home. I have made my reasons known to my wife and our daughter and then explained to them that they may choose their own place and time to continue to visit with them but that I would appreciate their support. I prefer they not ditch me in the future to spend time with the inlaws, such as on holidays, but I do not constantly bring it up and hold it over them as a choice with consequences if they do. It is important that you make your case but then drop it and don't constantly revise it or wield it like a sword. They may choose at sometime to spend time with them but that should not be any concern. Your concern is your own peace of mind which you have every right to in your own home.
2006-12-05 12:35:01 · answer #5 · answered by Mere Exposure 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They might think the very same about you.
Try to let what you can slide, and realize you may not like everyone you meet, and the converse is also true. There is not a single person on earth exactly like another.
Remember when you were young, and you imagined what your dream-spouse would be...and then reality hit the fan. it's no different here.
Good luck!
2006-12-05 12:33:43 · answer #6 · answered by LovePinkPuffies 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This so could be my question. The stuff I have seen and heard through the years..anyhow..I've learned that the best way to handle them is to treat them the way you want to be treated. They don't know how to react to that and so have to be on their best behaviour. Trust me on this..your partner will be thankful you did. And what ever you do, don't trash talk to them to him. This is his family and he of course will defend them which will only hurt your feelings because you should be first in his life. It doesn't change anything. Family is family and we all defend ours. I've got over 20 years of experience backing me on this. Good Luck.
2006-12-05 12:31:30 · answer #7 · answered by sallylip2000_ca 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just think about the girl/guy your waiting for in the mean time.
and besides if you like this person, you want a good impression. theyre just being hard on you cause your taking away their pride and joy
GL!
2006-12-05 12:24:01 · answer #8 · answered by Love is Patient, Love is Kind ♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yea just suck it up when they start to get on your last nerve go after a gallon of milk!
2006-12-05 12:28:12 · answer #9 · answered by just_me_1955 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just remember you didn't marry your in-laws and deal with them
2006-12-05 12:28:48 · answer #10 · answered by tazzy1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋