taking care of nephew?

Question

i really need some outside advice. my nephew is 15 and has lived with my mom since he was 3. his mother just up and left him and my brother at that age. my mom thought my brother couldnt take good enough care of him so she insisted he live with her. since that time, my brother has little by little acted like less and less of a father to him. he has never spent any quality time with him, actually very little time at all. my nephew has never bonded with his dad, or my mother. he and i, however are pretty close. over the past 2 or 3 years, he, (my nephew) and my mom have steadily gotten along worse and now it is to the point that she tells him she wishes he would move out with his dad, or me. to be honest my mom is not a very loving person and in my heart i feel my nephew is truly suffering there. he has never felt like he belonged. the problem, is, financially we cant offer him more than our home. my brother doesnt provide for him, and if i try to make him, its gonna be hell

if you were in this situation what would you do? i truly feel that if i dont reach out to my nephew it is going to send him into a bad depression or worse. i need opinions please
thanks

Answer 1

Sounds like unconditional love is what he needs most right now. That is the one thing you can give him. Everything else will take care of itself. If your nephew is in a bad situation, get him out of it. Somehow, especially when you mean well, you always find a way for food and clothing (you already have the shelter) when there is love and a desire to make it work.

Answer 2

I am very sorry for your situation and if financially it will be too much of a burden on you to take him under your wing, speak with him and let him know you are not just watching him suffer with your mom and that you will be there for him. I wouldn't right off the bat tell him you want to take him in because depending on if and when you ever can, you don't want him to be anxious for it or feel like you backed out on a promise. Have you tried speaking with your mother? It may be difficult, but you are a grown woman with concerns and your mother should speak with you adult to adult. If it is really that difficult, there are homes or organizations he can go in to that may provide care for him, but I'm not sure on those. But if he is 15, he only has 3 more years until he can make his own choices. Be there for him and tell him to hang in there, as for your brother, he sounds like a bad father, if you want to, you may be able to take legal action. But I would look into all your options first because there's so much little stuff that hinders all that. Good luck with this.

Answer 3

I was in that situation but I was living with her dad because of his health problems. Our main problem was that it was his house and his rules. We didn't have any consistency. If I said one thing he said another. I taught my son how to work and he told my son that he won't have to work because of his inheritance. My son became so spoiled that eventually he got dis-inherited and now has nothing including any job skill. I played the home maker, making his lunch, driving him to school, helping with homework, working full time and taking care of Grandpa until he died. I never got any consistency except from my side of the family. Now that side of the family is gone and he hates my side of the family because we are still consistent with out beliefs about going to college or working. If we had consistency from all parts of the family things would be different. ...A school teacher once said that she had a pupil who was an exceptional student and a kind gentle person and when she asked the parents how this could be possible the parents said that they had a big family and every one was involved. The whole family made decisions together and every one pulled their own weight. This type of upbringing is done consistently from birth. Your nephew is 15 and it is getting late in the game. Never give up. Keep at it and pray a lot.

Answer 4

If its that bad, maybe you could take him in & then take his father to court to try to get him to pay some support for him, or maybe you could get help from the state like a foster parent. I don't know how that stuff works but it might be worth finding out. I hope something works out for him, nobody should have to live like that. Good Luck to both of you!!!

Answer 5

I would kick your brother's *** to make him grow up and act like a man and father.

He needs to learn how to love and your nephew deserves a real father.

Answer 6

I'm so sorry that you and your family are going through this. I've got no good advice but I really hope that things work out for you.
Good luck

Answer 7

Hug him!