I met this amazing guy that i had a strong connection with, and he agreed...we went on a couple of dates, and i never have sex until at least after three dates, thats my rule so that i can weed out the bad ones and not fall into the sex only category....i have a third date with him, after spending GREAT time together, he always called me throughout the day, texted me, wrote me nice emails..and then we slept together two nights ago....havent heard anything...i had one email...i texted him a goodnight message and i got nothing....he canceled a date that we were supposed to have the night after...so what is the deal? why the hell does the mans behavior change so much after? why do you not put in the effort to wow or impress once youve gotten laid? please be honest, is this a fear after sex thing or is it something else?
2006-12-05 11:01:54 · 28 answers · asked by nonyerbusiness 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
these answers are a little harsh, and im not sure how i seemed to make myself sound like a whore, but i am not. it was a rule that i have when ive only dated two people in one year, so i dont think i need to get tested or clasify myself as loose. please dont answer if your going to be mean.
2006-12-05 11:15:05 · update #1
First, I am sorry you got at least one rude answer to your question. As a guy, I think guys pull away for a couple of reasons. One is fear--fear of committment, which means marriage, which means being tied down not just to a wife and kids but to a job, a career path, etc, and a lot of guys are not ready for that. They become ready eventually, but most aren't until age 25 or so.
The other reason is biology. Males of most species are programmed to spread the DNA around. Its a survival mechanism. It keeps the gene pool fresh, not stagnant, its healthier for the species. Its unfortunate that women and men differ so greatly on this issue, but thats the way it is. Both men and women have a tendency to wander, but men, moreso.
For women, sex has to have a much greater emotional (love) component because biologically, reproduction is definitely a possibility. For men, sex and love do not have to go together at all. Sex for men is release of tension, the release is absolutely necessary. It can involve love but doesn't have to.
2006-12-05 11:11:07 · answer #1 · answered by jxt299 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
First, keep in mind that this really may be nothing at all. Maybe he has been really busy with work, or had a family emergency. Life happens. That being said, he probably just got scared. Sex changes everything. This you already know. And maybe he's freaking out. So you went out on some dates. Does that mean you want to have goldfish and a loft with this guy? Maybe, but probably not. Does he think you expect a house and a minivan now? Probably somewhere in his simple little brain, yes. My advice: give the guy a fair chance (like a week, and then 5 minutes to explain his sub-human behavior), but don't be a schmuck. If it happens that one loser snuck past the 3rd date rule don't beat yourself up about it. Just remember that next time. Good luck girlfriend!
2006-12-05 11:14:21 · answer #2 · answered by Jen 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There are only two possibilities.
1. He didn't like the sex
2. After he scored he no longer was interested.
For my money, the answer was BOTH-he's only in it for the notches on his **** and, therefore, didn't get much out of the sex. Sex is sorta like shooting a pistol. If you spend the time and energy to do it well it's very rewarding. If, on the other hand, your intent is to see how many shots you can get out, and don't really care if you hit anything. You're strictly going for the numbers and after a while you don't even enjoy the shooting.
Now, enough of the analogies, my guess is he is just scoring pelts (that's how he thinks of it) and he's probably very good at it. He knows what to say and do--until he scores.
It's obvious you're looking for a mate-don't let the a**holes in the world discourage you.
2006-12-05 11:13:05 · answer #3 · answered by dulcrayon 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Men get like that because men WILL always wait around for sex if they can get it,and if they can get a few times,then they are content and move on to the next thing.
I have also found that people,not just men,sometimes feel as if,if they sex wasn't great then the relationship has no further fullfillment. Unless people have an emotional attachment,physical needs can be found elsewhere and they won't stay with the same person for it.
2006-12-05 11:13:29 · answer #4 · answered by Ellie 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This kind of behavior can be interpreted in several ways.
1) Some guys work hard at "wooing" the girl, and after he attains his goal, he stops putting in the effort.
2) Maybe he hasn't been in alot of committed relationships in the past, and he's scared of this strong connection he feels with you. He may be pulling back.
3) Or the less appealing answer: he was only in it for the sex.
Only time will tell what his behavior means. Good luck!
2006-12-05 11:08:01 · answer #5 · answered by ccccc12345 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe 3 dates isnt long enough. I once had this problem too. I finally waiting almost 2 months before sleeping with the last guy i dated and well....we're still together 3 years later. Some guys just dont like the thought of you sleeping with other guys after only a few dates.
2006-12-05 11:05:17 · answer #6 · answered by Panda 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Honestly I think that you should not sleep with a man till after about a month or so of dating at least. He was just trying to impress you to get you into the sack, and wow lets see he only had to take you out on three dates. I would try to make myself look less available to be a booty call if I were you.
2006-12-05 11:04:56 · answer #7 · answered by May_May 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
sex on the 3rd date is still very early.. it's too soon to be able to "weed out the bad ones"
if you sleep with a guy that soon, he'll assume you're just looking for a good time and with no strings attached.
make them wait 6 months before sex, then only the ones who are serious about love will still hang around for you..
2006-12-05 11:06:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I dont think you need to say YOU men, since that implies all men, but I think you just found a bad one. If that happens to you a lot, maybe wait more than 3 dates. In my personal opinion, if a guy is willing to wait 10 dates, then he's probably around for more than just sex.
2006-12-05 11:05:32 · answer #9 · answered by bluecollaraddict 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
He just put another notch in his belt. Your three date rule is simply not up to the task of weeding out the turds who are looking to put another notch wherever they put the notch. You need to come up with other standards that have enough sophistication to select the good ones. Look, his behavior didn't change he just hid his motives. He may have had a bet with his buddies. It's not fear on their part. It's a phobia.
2006-12-05 11:08:59 · answer #10 · answered by DelK 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋