What is happening with society?

Question

Is it just me that gets scared for my own children everytime a 12 year old posts about being pregnant? What is our generation (parents of these 12 years) doing so wrong? Is it that we dont think our kids will be doing things like that so we dont talk to them about sex and the consequences. Is it that we dont realize that kids are exploring more "grown up" activities then we were at that age? Whats going on?

Instead of preaching abstinence (which obviously isn't working) to our children do we need to preach about birth control?

My mother never talked to me about sex when I was younger and I vowed that I would keep the lines of communication open with my daughter, but is that really enough now and days?

Answer 1

I think a lot of it can be attributed to the need for one, if not both, parents to seek employment outside of the home. Without the necessary parental supervision and communication with a parental figure or both parents, many kids today are growing up much too fast from having to essentially raise theirselves.

In families where one or both parents have to work to support their families, the line of communication among members of the family and parental supervision may be minimal to nonexistent altogether. So children are missing out on not only the bonds of togetherness with their families, but also the values and education that can be taught and learned through such a unity and the communications that would (or should) entail.

I also think that many may take for granted the educations they believe their children are receiving. Many parents are afraid of having "certain" talks with their kids, so they forego these talks which are often difficult and uncomfortable for parent and child alike, and instead hope their children will be properly educated about these matters in their school environment. With health classes and some schools that offer sex education as part of the curriculum, many parents feel that the subject would be better left to the "professionals". Not realizing that these classes are not as comprehensive as they would like to believe and many times the subjects of sex, pregnancy and contraception are just grazed over. Class sizes and demands for time to cover more "pressing" matters may lead to the teacher or instructor just touching base and nothing more.

It is very frightening to see some of the questions that are asked on here. And it's not just my own children I fear for, but all the parents and children that are obviously so misinformed and uneducated. Young people, still babies theirselves, asking questions about having babies. I see these questions asking "I'm 13 and just had unprotected sex with my boyfriend. Can I be pregnant?" and I'll admit, sometimes I just want to scream or throttle that kid and ask them where the hell their common sense is. Or their parent. It's scary the things they do, the choices they feel they're mature enough to make, when they don't realize the choices they make can have life-changing consequences.

I do somewhat agree that parents may not think about their kids doing things like having sex, so they don't talk to them about it. I feel the real issue, however, is that parents don't WANT to think of their kids doing things like that. And I also agree that parents may not realize that their kids are exploring very different activities then we were when we were that age.

I know when I was some of the ages of these kids asking questions--12, 13 years old--sex was the LAST thing on my mind. If I so much as thought about having sex at that age, if I did anything foolish that would have jeopardized my education...well I probably wouldn't have been able to walk for weeks. My parents were both working parents, but we were a family that spoke openly about things and we did have our little "birds and bees" talks. Many families today no longer do that or have the chance to do that.

Preaching abstinence is obviously ineffectual, but I don't think preaching birth control is necessarily any better. While I think kids need to know about contraception, I think they need to be educated on more than just contraception. A parent telling their kid to use protection and nothing more may be construed by some as advocating sex among young people. It would be like handing the keys over to a kid with no drivers license and no experience with driving and saying "here you go". That kid needs to be educated on so much more. He/she needs to have an understanding of how his/her her body works. He/she needs to be educated on pregnancy, STDs and contraception; and then some. They need to know that even having sex one time can result in a pregnancy. They need to know about different forms of contraception, how they are used correctly, and how no form is 100% effective. They need to know how different STDs are transmitted and the scary fact that there are some STDs that are not curable. And that some can even be fatal.

So while I do think parents need to educate their kids on the use of contraception and these kids should be given the "tools" to protect theirselves, I think it needs to be in conjunction with an overall "course" in sexual health and awareness. And it can start with the parents. Is it really enough? Maybe, maybe not. But at least a parent can say they did what they could in trying to educate their child. It's better they walk away with, say a rudimentary understanding, then finding out the hard way from knowing nothing and having to learn from their own mistakes.

My son just turned 6, but when he comes to an age where I feel he is curious and/or needs to know these things (which ever comes first), we'll definitely have a talk. I plan on talking about everything, regardless of how awkward it might be for either of us. And I hope that he will feel comfortable enough in coming to talk to me about any things he may have questions or concerns about. Hopefully with our communication and my guidance he will make the right choices and be educated enough in those choices he does make.

Answer 2

Being 40 years old, I think I can answer this. The original problem started in the late 70's and early 80's. This is when our American economy pretty much demanded that BOTH parents work. With both parents gone for 10-12 hours a day and sometimes even on weekends, kids don't get the attention and supervision they need.

I know what you mean though. Its really sad to see so many kids having kids these days. Some jerk above blames Liberals, and that's just not the case, its a society problem, not just Libs or Dems.

Personally, I think teens should have free, anonymous access to condoms. That may sound terrible to Conservatives, but the alternatives, such as teaching abstinence, is NOT working. If a teen wants to have sex then they WILL have sex. Period. At least talk to them and give them the tools to protect themselves.

Answer 3

i'm 24, i have 2 children. a 4year old son and a 20 month old daughter. now up until i was 16 my mother and i were really close and i could talk to her about anything, i was still a virgin up until that point. sex, drugs and alchol were big topics that were always discussed. when my mother and i stopped being so close(not sure really when that happened) i started doing alot of those things that were a "no no" bottom line is parents and children both need to keep the lines of communication open. most kids do things because it is wrong, probably trying to get their parents attention. since most families do have two parents working all day kids don't feel like they are important.

Answer 4

Thats funny, my Boyfriend and I were just having this conversation two days ago...How as parents are we going to approach the subject of sex, pregnancy STD's etc...etc...with our daughter (and future children), I put it to him plain and simple, when she is old enough (say in Junior High and/or when she gets her first period), we will sit her down and talk to her about EVERYTHING. Sex, abstinence, birth Control, STD's...etc...etc...! Now I am NOT going to "give permission" for my children to have sex at such a young age, but I feel that if a teen really wants to have sex, they'll find a way weather I like it or not. With that being said, I will help her get on "the pill" and freely give her condoms. I would much rather her come to me and say "mom I need protection" than "mom I have HIV and I am pregnant", these days you have to choose the lesser of the two evils. I do pray that I instill enough of value into herself that she'll simply NOT have sex until she is in an adukt serious relationship, but I would rather be safe than sorry.

Answer 5

It's enough to send you bonkers.
I feel like such an old fuddy duddy at thirty... but then my parents thought I was exploring "grown up" activities way too early, and they lived through the supposedly risque seventies.
Our expectations of children have changed and we expect them to work harder, succeed, be responsible, and in fact to "grow up" in every respect apart from sexually, far more these days than when I was growing up.
I think maybe we should stop buying our little girls clothes that late teens want to wear, stop buying them high heels and makeup and go back to little girls clothes and shoes (that allow them to run around without having to worry about their ankles and if they get filthy they know you can just fling it in the washing machine).
But in the end I guess you do what you can and still have to cope with the fact that we live in a society demands so much from us all (including our kids)...

blah blah blah,
Sorry.
Cheers,
Ruby

Answer 6

I think that it's more like the lack of parenting that's going on with this society. Kids are having to grow up much too fast, because parents are having to work so much just to make ends meet. Kids are just being left to pretty much raise themselves. I am not saying that's with all working parents, but it definately is out there. There are so many things that factor in with all of this. I think something definately needs to be done to educate not only the children that this is happening to, but also the parents as well.

Answer 7

I'm a thirteen year old girl and i dont know what things were like when you were in middle school. I do hear things about kids at my school making out and having sex. It is terrible. Someone came to my school today to talk about abstinence and he said that about half of all teens have had sex. Im gonna save sex for when I get married and for the person I get married to.

Answer 8

I'm not 12 but I'm 15 and I say its because parents (mothers, because when fathers talk to us it makes us feel kinda paranoid or that all out business is out in the air) don't build a close enough relationship with their children. I feel that I can tell my mother everything. Instead of threatening me of what's going to happen if something bad occurs she helps me try to prevent it. Try talking to your daughter as a friend and a mother, not just a security guard or a "kill joy".

Answer 9

Kristin I feel the same way as you. But recent studies say that the rate of teen pregnancies are actually FALLING for the past few years.

Because of more open communication from things like Myspace, blogs and Yahoo Answers, we just have a better view of whats going on in more of kids minds and lives. Teens have gotten pregnant for years, but you only knew what you saw in your town. Now you hear of teen pregnancies around the world.

Personally I feel like every goofball having sex is suddenly asking "Can i be pregnant/can my gf be pregnant?", but I think its just from hanging around Yahoo Answers too long.

Answer 10

While I understand what Tear is saying, I believe the opposite is true. Being a parent is about being in an authoritative position and this position must be established. Mom and Dad are not supposed to be your "friend" when you are a kid, they are there for guidance. This is where I feel our generation of parents have failed.