tim has joint custody of 2 children age 6 and 8 with his ex.she hates me because i married tim(no he did not leave her for me)and her kids love me.i can't stand her because she bad mouths me to my inlaws infount of the kids but most of all she is constantly trying to keep me out of the kids lifes.example i am not to have ANY contact with the girls school,teacher,freinds.i am not allowed to take the girls to the mall,to see thier grandma or even just watch them at home.if tims not there they have to go home to her.ignoring her is not that easy as we live in the same town and almost every weekend and alot of weeknights the girls have something going on(sports,school fuction)which his ex always goes to and hangs around tim so by avoiding her i would miss out on alot of time with tim.i can't fault him for being good dad and this is the reason he will not stand up to her.he will not say anything to her as to avoid conflict for his kids.tims hates her to but puts up with her for the kids.
2006-12-05 10:37:07 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Unless you married him the day after you two met, I will assume you knew how his ex was, therefore, you had the option of walking away or staying involved. Apparently you chose to not only stay but get right in the thick of things.
You cannot expect her to change. It is you that will have to act accordingly. Be the better person, dont bow down to her level. The children have eyes and ears and will know the truth. Just dont ever say anything negative about their mom in front of them. That is their Mother, the only Mother they will ever have and no matter how big of a beeahch she is, they will always love her.
2006-12-05 10:50:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that when emotions are involved people have a tendency to say and do the wrong thing, and they can be quite hurtful. if she has strong emotions about a subject she should find a solution when she is not being troubled by it. My ex never got over it and she died of a heart attack very young. She swallowed a lot of grief along with a lot of pizza and beer. The whole family is sad because our son is now very angry with life. He saw life through her eyes. She taught him how to love and now at 21 he is still single and just as bitter as she was. It will rub off on the children. The ex won't listen to adults, but maybe she will listen to the children when her attitude is reflected from them. Never quit trying to get through to her because someday it might be too late. Family helps. Try to get everyone together for an intervention. For the children's sake.
2006-12-05 11:12:28 · answer #2 · answered by Dhaircutta 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is unhappy as Tim's exwife would not comprehend that it particularly is extra useful for the infants to be enjoyed by employing a super style of diverse human beings. you assert you won't have the ability to have any touch... is that issued by employing the courtroom or is that what she says and Tim follows? Now it form of sounds like those "regulations" are positioned into place to reason heartache and discontent between you and your new husband. possibly talk on your husband and talk how those "regulations" impact you and make you experience. tell him the form you experience. If that fails.. then do only ignore approximately his exwife. appears like she is making those "regulations" to disillusioned you. Kill her with kindness. Make it seem it is not significant in case you won't have the ability to take them if Tim isn't there. fairly of stressful approximately taking them to the mall, bypass to the mall, have exciting by employing your self. Get your hair carried out, purchase some new clothing. remember she has childrens, she would not get a super style of "loose" and "me" time. this is effective to make her jealous and that i guess formerly too long she'll be calling you to observe them so she will bypass out and luxuriate in her own "loose" time. stable success. If issues get lots worse, attempt counseling.
2016-10-14 02:31:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The evil queen of an ex wife. And the husband who puts up with because for 'the sake of the children'. Difficult, because you become the outsider. It seems that she may not be ready to let go of her ex husband and she is using the children as an excuse to keep the tight reins.
The bad mouthing you can't stop....consider the source. Kids are not stupid they know otherwise.....they see right though her. I wouldn't worry about that.
As far as not being allowed to do thing in your own home. You can stop that one. It's your life, your home now. You make the rules. It's just too bad if she doesn't like them. She might not like it... you are a part of those kid's lives. The first question is, why does she have to know that Tim isn't home....who is reporting this to her. I would ask Tim to stop chatting with her unless it is directly related to the welfare of the children. That's it. It seems this woman may know a little too much. There is no reason for this woman to run over and get the kids because Tim is not there.....why should she even know? LIMIT contact with her.
The hanging around the ex at events. Personally I do not think this is good for the children.....mom and dad are divorced. I think when kids see mom and dad hanging around it gives them hope....all kids want mom and dad to get back together. You have to go and hang out with Tim and the kids. She will get the hint and stay away.
I know this well. I deal with an Evil Queen myself....right down to not liking what color I painted 'her' house, she told us what time we should eat dinner, where we should go on vacation.....etc, etc. Went though the same thing.,....for the first four years. Disclaimer, I too had nothing to do with the break up of the marriage. She wanted him to go to everything invovling the child with her, she wanted family time together, and family hoildays. She just did get what divorce meant. She thought she made the rules in this house...NOT. The hardest thing was when we went to the activities.....she just pushed me aside...introduced him as her husband. It's difficult, because it drives a wedge between the realatonship. I got really tired of hearing for the sake of the kid. When you really looked at it it wasn't really for the child's sake it was to enable her controlling needs.
Over a year ago, we started limiting contact with her. Not answering the phone when we had the child, not responding to email right away, cutting her off when the topic did not involve the child, not paying attention to her when she came here. She really got the hint, when she came to pick up the child, and I politely shut the door in her face (trust me, it was polite)...I got really tired of her coming in the house. That was the last time she came in. I have told her right out, I am calling you because of the child I don't want to hear your cr*p.
In fact I got a nasty-gram from her lawyer. The letter said that I was not invited, welcomed, nor wanted at events involving the child. Our lawyer, laughed at it and we didn't even respond. I am invited, welcomed, and wanted at these events just not by her! She can have her lawyer write as many letters as she wants....there nothing she can legally do to have me stop going. Too bad.
What i am getting at is you really have to figure out what is for the kid's sake and what is for her sake. You have point the things that are not for the kid's sake out to Tim and have him start telling her to back off with those first....once you have her trained....then you can move on to her controlling ways with the kids.
I don't want anything to do with this woman. I am polite to her at all times, that's it. I want to do what is best for the child at all times, but that doesn't mean I have to live under her laws.
Be strong.
2006-12-05 11:52:56 · answer #4 · answered by lolasmom19 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋