Is it rude to speak another language in your home when everyone speaks English?

Question

My sister in law is from Mexico and speaks English fairly well, but speaks Spanish fluently and her daughter knows English and Spanish. Is it rude of her to come to my house where we only speak English and converse with her daughter in Spanish? I have asked them to only speak English in my house but I'm not sure if I was being rude, or they were?

Answer 1

yeah i would tell them to speak english. People who do that have the power to talk behind your back and others backs

Answer 2

People are bound to disagree on this one, and it doesn't sound to me as though either you or your sister-in-law intends to be rude to the other. But I don't really think it's such a bad thing if she speaks some Spanish to her daughter now and again. My neighbor and her small son speak English and Japanese fluently, and if she is at our house and needs to tell him something firmly, something like "You can't go out and play until you put your coat on", she'll often do it in Japanese because, for whatever reason, it seems to work. It's kind of code for "I really mean it", and it's just part of their parent/child relationship. She's not trying to exclude me from the conversation, it's just a reflection of her particular relationship with her child.

Ideally, after your sister-in-law has an exchange in Spanish with her daughter, she'd turn back to you and explain in English what was just said. Maybe you could politely ask her to do that? If she's a reasonable person, she'll probably be glad to. But it would be sad if something relatively small like this led to hurt feelings and bigger problems down the road. I would try talking it out, honestly but respectfully. Best of luck to you all.

Answer 3

If they are doing it right in front of you, it's pretty rude because it's leaving out everybody else who cannot speak Spanish. But, for example, say you walk into the kitchen and find them speaking Spanish to each other. In that case you should let it go, because they are merely speaking in the language that they are more comfortable with. Think about it - if you travelled to a different country, you would probably still want to speak English with the people you love, even if you were fluent in the other language. I wouldn't say "Please speak only English in my house" - it really has nothing to do with "your house," but rather the fact that they are excluding you and other native English speakers. I would ask them to "Please speak English in front of me, because I don't understand Spanish."

Answer 4

I think it's quite natural for people who know each other well (in this case family) who share a common native language to speak it to each other. Unless they are having a conversation directly with you and they are purposely leaving you out of the conversation, I think it's fine. No matter how proficient you are in a second language, it's much easier to speak in your native language. I work with many people who are very proficient non-native speakers of English, and they still speak to each other in shared native languages when two people who share a native language are just talking between themselves. I don't consider that rude. Think about it this way; if you took your daughter to a Spanish-speaking home, would you think you should only talk to her in Spanish all the time?

Answer 5

i know how u feel! i'm friends with some Hispanic girls. I sit with them at lunch. Every once in a while they will start speaking among themselves in Spanish. Though I understand basic Spanish (b/c i take a class every day for school) i still wish they wouldn't do that. I NEVER tell them to speak in English though.

Most ppl get angry when they hear some1 else speaking in a different language. U immediately assume they must be talking about you or saying secrets. Thats what i thought about my friends too. But they could just be speaking Spanish b/c theyre used to it or just feel more comfortable with the language.
It would be rude for you to tell them to speak english. Just hope they aren't talking about you.

Answer 6

Why not try to learn their language? might somebody of the family in the house wants to learn Mexican too, but doubts it would not be allowed? just an opinion...

..
the reason why it feels rude for you to tell them to speak only in English because you have a doubt it's not right to tell them..
She is a part of your family, everytime she would come to your house and they would speak in Spanish you will get used to it and you will begin to understand why they do it... I don't think they are being disrespectful but that is how they want to communicate... not only Mexicans..and I think they feel comfortable in your house...if you shut them out by not speaking English in your house..everytime they visit they will feel alienated even they are part of the family...because they speak other languages.I agree with Leslie..it is like a child-mother relation thing that would go around even the neighborhood...
You know she is Mexican,they say it is their identity...even she will change her hair to be blond to look like western.. it always show and nothing could stop being noticed..
The only rude thing if they ever speak bad about you in Spanish and you understand it and they keep on doing that...that is rude..
unless you don't understand anything and it is not about you..and it is just their way of communicating as their family routine,,,not rude...
yes, or maybe you are right,, that is your house and everyone knows and speak English. if you asked them to speak English only then it is done.. talk to them again and let them know how you feels and how they feel about this and this would be resolved... ..or get a family meeting..ask their opinions and suggestions if you think this is not right..if your family think that not allowing them to speak Spanish in your house and support it, then they would know it is not only that agree with this and they would understand and be more careful..

I have multi-lingual friends around most of the time... including French, Japanese,English, Tagalog, Mexican, Vietnamese, Chinese.Koreans etc...which also experienced living with some of them.

good day!

Answer 7

Yes, it is VERY rude to speak in a language that you KNOW excludes people. It is intentional and creates a hostile environment. I used to hang out with a bunch of Cambodian imigrants and when they were with me they spoke English.

When I was with a group of them, who all also spoke English they would usually all speak Cambodian unless they were speaking directly to me. Doing that completely alienated me to the point that I finally stopped hanging out with them and going places.

I still hung out with them on a one on one and a couple on one basis, so when one of my friends finally asked me why I didn't want to go to big social gatherings again I repeated that I was always left out of every conversation so why bother!?

It is YOUR home, and YOU make the rules in YOUR home. It is NO different than telling someone you do not want them to swear, use racially motivated words, talk about aboriton or politics, etc. etc. Family get togethers are about including, not excluding. I don't think you should get any more rude or pushy with it then you would if they were dropping "F" bombs or something similarly offensive out of habit and not intentionally.

She probably speaks Spanish normally, most of the time, so that is what she is used to and comfortable with. Even though I do not know her, I doubt she is intentionally trying to upset you. It is a habit that she can not break because she is trying to do something ODD for your benifit from her perspective.

I have had Spanish speakers talk "behind my back" right in front of me because they assumed I did not understand the language. They were quite wrong, and that *is* very very rude. I love Mexico and the language and I think we should all learn a few languages so we can communicate better.

My personal adivce is this: take Spanish language classes, the language is IN your family now so it will help bond everyone; remind her every time she speaks Spanish that you can't understand anything she says and it really does bother you (everyone has a right to ask someone NOT to do something that bothers them, if they care about you they will STOP as much as they can... duh!); If you are learning Spanish, you will start to pick up on what she is saying little by little and you may end up in an environment where everyone flip flops between languages freely and has a lot of good laughs and awkward confusion in the learning process.

Communication is a good thing, it isn't helpful to anyone to exclude people that are trying to include you in their conversations by excluding them from yours! I know that not understanding a language being used around you is uncomfortable firsthand by experiencing it AND working with ESL students in college, including many Spanish speakers.

If there was ever a time when she did not speak English, remind her of how that felt and let her know that is how she makes you feel every time she does it to you. If she cares, and you do it in a spirit of love, I think everything will work out just fine... Good luck!

Answer 8

You were not really being rude. You were subconsciously making "house rules" because you feel more comfortable knowing what is going on in YOUR house. :) But speaking another language is not the WORST thing someone else can do by far. And if you are concerned with them talking about you or others, realize this: People who talk isht will do it in any language, at any time, and any place. :) There's NO stopping that.

Answer 9

Sounds like you might have more than a 2nd language problem. Do you really think she is talking behind your back? If so that is what you need to confront. And if you are so uncomfortable with spanish a good way to build a relationship with your sister in law is to have her teach you and your daughter spanish. It definately couldn't hurt you to know a 2nd language!

Answer 10

It's not rude of you, I can understand why you would want them to only speak English, but you have to think about it. If you spoke Spanish very well, but your native tongue was English, you'd rather carry on a conversation in your native tongue instead right? It's not rude of her to converse with her daughter in Spanish either, she probably just didn't think about it. It just comes naturally. You could start learning Spanish, that would make it much easier... but it is a lot of effort when they could just easily only speak English.

Answer 11

That's iffy---maybe she speaks Spanish to her daughter because her daughter responds faster to her mother's commands or requests, given that her mom has probably been speaking it to her since birth. I doubt they mean any disrespect, because no matter what languages I speak in addition to English, I'll always speak it and understand it best and first. Here's a thought: When I was in college, there were several girls that lived on my floor who spoke both Spanish and English. It killed me that I had no idea what the heck they were saying! So, I asked them to teach me! When they would break out into it and start yammering on fast like they had a tendency to do, I'd just say, "PARA! Por favor, what the devil did you say? TEACH ME TOO!" I was nosy, and guess what? It payed off! I now speak conversational Spanish better than I ever could've learned in a class, and they got to feel better about teaching it to me. It's all in how you want to play it. I mean, it IS your home, so in all actuality it's up to you how you want things to be done, but I've always tried to keep a situation as positive as I could. It might be fun to show off to your friends one day at restaurant...who knows? Good luck, my friend. ♥♥♥