Should I let my son meet his dad?

Question

My son is 7 years old and has only seen his dad once when he was about 1. He doesn’t remember him because it was so long ago and he was so young. When we went to court for visitation and child support there were things said that were hurtful. He told the judge he wanted to give up his rights. The judge said he couldn’t because there was no one there to step in for him. He now has no visitation rights. My son has asked about him and I told him that when he is older about 12/13 I would help him meet him. This was around the first of the year. My mother and step dad keep nagging me and telling me I'm only hurting myself by saying when he is older. His dad is remarried and has a new family. The last I knew they had 3 kids the two youngest are his. I'm afraid to let him go see him. I don’t want him to get hurt. But am I hurting him too? Any ideas.

WE WERE NEVER MARRIED!

My son's father got married when I was three months pregnant. I’ve met his wife once with her 2 older kids, when my son was 1. But I didn’t take my son with me. She not some one I want around my kid.

Answer 1

By offering to give up his visitation rights, he showed that he has no interest in his son. Your son is still very young, and having his father reject him at this time could be seriously painful for him. But still, he has the right to know his father.
Contact the father and let him know that his son wants to meet him. If and only if the father is interested, should you agree to let them meet. Offer a situation that you feel comfortable with - they meet in a public place for three hours or whatever. It would be too much for your son to go stay with his father's new family for a weekend - they can ease into that later.

Answer 2

This is so tough, I pray for your situation. If I were you I would let him see his father, who knows maybe by now his father has grown up and will want to be a positive part of his life. Also by letting him see him, he might discover that he hasnt missed out on anything. Look at it this way, either way you go, your son is at a high risk of getting hurt. Regardless of what you do, I would get him into therapy where he can let out his true feelings, and this may help him cope with the decision you make. Good Luck!!

Answer 3

I think you should let him meet him, because like it or not. No matter how strong you are of a women you are, you can not raise a man alone. He has a right to know him, and decide if he wants to be bothered with him. You parents only nag you because they don't understand what it's like. But only you can make the decision, but don't regret your choice. And don't worry you son will remember that you where the parent around all the time.

Answer 4

First find out if his father wants to see him. If he does arrange a meeting. As long as his dad was never abusive I dont see a problem. Your son has the right to see his father if his father wants it also. If you dont make the effort your son will end up blaming you.

You cant protect your son from being hurt in life. Its part of life. If he gets hurt he wont die from it, he will learn to be a stronger man.

Answer 5

Have you ever had to do without your father?
I ask this because I know how your son feels. The need to know him is strong and just for him. He needs to know where he comes from and what is father is like. Even if the father wasnt there for him in the past, is there a reason that he can not be there for him now and in the future?
To truely understand not having a father you have to live through it first. As a young person, having both parents is important to the growth that we go through. Its emotional and can be physical as well.
If you know where the father is, let your son make up his mind if he really wants to know him or not. Its not our choice to say for them that they dont need the other parent.
I have five children. A few of them have different fathers and I allow each of them to know them. It gives them the oppertunity to learn about the other parent and grow emotionally in ways that books cant help them. I have seen first hand what not having both parents really does to a child.
Give him that gift of learning on his own if his father is really the kind of person he wants in his life. Children even at the tender age of seven, do know when a person is bad or not and if they want that someone in their lives.
Its better than keeping the father from him if he wants to see his father. Would you want him growing up saying you were a bad parent to keep him from his father? I know that is not something that I could live with, but you need to decide that for yourself.
I have a young girl that lives with me because she lost both her parents and grandparents in her young life, and she has a hard time living without those people and I know that she would be better off if they were here for her but they are gone forever. Would you deny a child the knowledge of one parent because of something stupid the father did years ago? I hope not.
Take that chance and see how it works for your son. You arent losing your son to the father, but allowing the child to know him and learn from him. For seven years you have been both mother and father, how about letting the father step up to the plate and be a man for once? Do it for that little man who looks to you for guidence and love. Help him see what he needs to see.

God Bless and good luck...
mother of five

Answer 6

I would let him know what his dad has been doing(like has a new family) so that when he does see him he won't be surprised. But i think that if your son really wants to see him then let him. But then again it's your son so ultimately no matter what people say on here your going to make the final decision.

Answer 7

In my opinion,every child has the right to see their father if they want to. If your son wants to meet his father let him, he will probably get hurt by this but I think it is better to let your son see his father and see what kind of person he is for him self rather than hear it from you. My brother and I went through a similar situation with our real father. He left my mother for another woman and never had anything to do with us after wards. Never paid a dime of child support or even tried to see us after he left. But my mother always left it up to us whether we wanted to see or contact him. My father had another child, just a few years younger than me, he loved her and raised her in the house with him and his new wife. I met him for the first time when I was 18 and he didn't know who I was until he heard my name. That hurt but I knew what kind of person he was. I know it's hard but let your son meet his father, let him see what kind of person he is and make his own decision from there. Otherwise he might resent you for not letting him see his father.

Answer 8

If he wants to meet him let him meet him. prolonging meeting his father might hurt in the long run. Make sure it is a one on one basis for a while untill they get to know each other. a son always loves fishing, playing catch going out for ice cream. My sons live in Dallas. my youngest has always lived in another state since he was 2 weeks old. He loves just to play catch, fish
etc.

Answer 9

You can't stop the desire of a boy to meet his dad. I sense that this is not a good thing... most men who are divorced and have a new family ignore their original family for their new family. Your son may not be welcome, but as I said you can't stop him from wanting to see Dad. Let him and then be there to pick up the pieces if it falls apart. Be strong for him and not show your fear. Don't pick on your son or belittle his desire to see his dad, and RESIST denigrating his Dad before him. You don't have to build him up, but don't put him down. Doing this only tells your son of the type of person you are. Let him find out about his Dad on his own.

Answer 10

I do hate to say it but you are hurting your son.Find out from the father to see if he does want to see the son first.So that way you know if/when you take him to meet the dad it won't be a shock and will most likely go calmly.Your son should be able to meet his dad.