My mother-in-law is ruining my self-steem and worth and making my pregnancy difficult. What do I do?

Question

My mother in law has, in the last few months, become emotionally abusive and obnoxious towards me, putting me down in every possible way she can. I am 7 months pregnant and crying a lot from all the hurt that she is causing, and this in turns also affects my marriage since my husband is a totally non-confrontational person. I have now vowed to avoid much interaction with her when she comes to visit us. How do I do that tactfully? I don't want to cause an unconfortable situation for my father in law, husband, and small daughter. Thank God she lives far!

P.S.: she is a stepmother and also never had kids, if that is helpful information for all of you answering the questions.

Answer 1

It's your health and your babies health that should come first. Call her and tell her that you'd prefer her to not come around your house unless you call and her and invite her and tell your husband he can go see her all he wants but if he wants you he cannot bring her there.

Answer 2

There comes a time when your husband must stand up and let his mom know she is overstepping her boundaries. The health of your unborn baby is at stake. Your husband can start by talking to his father first and see what is going on with his mother. He can explain to his father that if his mom can't be nice it would be better if they didn't come to visit at this time. The only other solution I have for you is when they do come to visit and she starts up just tell your husband you aren't feeling well and go lay down. If you are asked what is wrong by his mom be open and honest and tell her she stresses you too much. Sometimes it just takes someone telling someone else that they are out of line. If you don't stop her actions now just imagine how she is going to be after the baby is born---I can hear it now---you won't be doing anything right in her eyes where the baby is concerned. I think it is time that your husband does something about his mother as it isn't healthy for you or your baby to be upset all the time. Do you live close to your family---another thing you can do is if she starts in on you go get your coat and leave and tell your husband to call you when they are gone. You don't have to tolerate being emotionally abused by his mother just because he is non-confrontational. Somebody needs to think of the health of the baby and it seems that somebody is going to have to be you since your husband isn't doing it. Stop it now or you will regret it later.

Answer 3

Having somewhat of a similar situation. Although mine doesn't involve children yet. My advice is to sit down with your husband, and talk to him. Tell him the way it makes you feel when his mother puts you down. And how it is tearing at your marriage. And how much it hurts that he doesn't speak up and tell his mother that she is out of line. And how much stress it causes you when she treats you this way. Tell him that you have come to only one choice and that is to avoid her when she visits. And if he feels that that is unfair... You stated that you are 7 months along, but stress, can end a pregnancy. I don't mean to scare but, this has to be stressing you out. Explain this to your husband as well. And if he really loves you and your unborn child, which I am sure he does. Hopefully, he will put aside this non-confrontational side of himself and stand up for you and tell his mother that she is out of line. But also don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. (If she says something directly to you, next time she is visiting.) Without knowing what your mother in law is saying to you I can't offer to much more on this situation.
Best of luck! Hope it works out well for you and your family!

Answer 4

1. First, and foremost make a decision that your child to be comes FIRST.

2. Make a decision that no one will ruin your self-esteem without your permission and you will not give her permission.

3. Talk to your husband. Tell him because of the hurt this Woman is causing you and the fact that the child MUST and DOES come FIRST you will not allow this Woman in your home. Emphasize to your husband this is NOT NEGOTIABLE. This may indeed cause some discomfort for everyone, but again YOUR CHILD-TO-BE MUST COME FIRST.

Answer 5

She is leaving you no choice, but to confront her. I cannot imagine my mother in law doing that to me, cuz hun if she did she would get it verbally from me. I know you can't be like that because of your daughter and husband. Mostly your daughter. Your husband should be sticking up for you. If you keep getting stressed you may have problems with your pregancy. So please take it easy and the next time she shows up don't let her in your house unless she's going to play nice with you. You have no choice but to put your foot down. Good luck with your mother in law and congrats on your pregnancy...

Answer 6

If you have explained the situation to your husband and he is unwilling to stand up for you, especially since you are carring his child then I say you better stand up for yourself, if you are also non confrontational then excuse yourself from the situation with a simple "I am tired, I'm going to lay down" or " I have alot to do, I better get going." The most important thing is not to stess out or get upset. Your baby can feel your emotions

Answer 7

One of you has to grow a spine and stand up to her, or you'll never be rid of the problem until either you divorce your husband, or your mother-in-law dies. Talk to your husband first about it. Ask him to talk to her and put an end to this. Don't threaten him or put him down, or you'll be just like her. But praise him and tell him how good you'll feel and how happy you'll be if he does this.

If he won't do it, then you'll have to. You may not be the darling of the in-laws any more, but it sounds like you're not already. What do you have to lose?

Answer 8

I would take her for a walk far away from everyone and let her know just how it is and what she is not going to do to you anymore or she is never allowed to step foot in your house again then, walk away!
Everytime she came over i would also from that point on go to my bedroom! Your husband needs to grow some balls and stand up for you and his family.... it is his job b/c that is his mother! Remember your wedding vows i would tell him! His job as any man's job is to protect his family no mater what!

Answer 9

I think at your stage of pregnancy, and to avoid any more stress and upset you need to ignore her existence. Sounds a bit strong but you need to calm down, relax, and get ready for the best thing that's going to happen to you (remember when the baby comes that its YOURS...don't let her go the Demon Granny route).

If she calls, don't answer or your not in to chat. If she comes to visit go out or go up for a sleep. In fact, bugger it don't allow her into your home. If you other half wants to meet her then get him to go to her or meet her somewhere. Your husband will understand that this is really upsetting you and you can't be having that anytime let alone now. Please ignore her, calm down and enjoy your looming Motherhood, dont let her ruin this for you all. This is YOUR time. Please.

Answer 10

First and foremost, you need to have your husband's support through this! It's SO important...I can't even stress how important this is! He needs to grow up, and stand up for you and himself as well. My husband was the same way when he and I first got married, but has changed dramatically since we began to have big problems with the IL's. You need to talk to him and get him to understand your feelings and what this is doing to you. You also need some space from your MIL. At this point, I wouldn't even worry about hurting her feelings. Your baby comes first, and you need to do everything that you have to do to ensure that your little one is okay. If this means staying away from your MIL and the stress that she brings along with her, then so be it. You can't continue like this, or you're going to go absolutely insane! Trust me! I have been through this exact same thing. I learned to distance myself throughout my pregnancy, and after the birth, when things got worse, I cut ties altogether. I haven't spoken to my MIL in over a year now, and I can't even tell you how wonderful it has been! You have to stand up for yourself and that little girl that you're carrying. If you let her get away with it now, it won't get any better later on. If you feel that you can't talk to her, your husband needs to handle her. I wish you luck hun! I hope that everything works out for you and your family. Congratulations on your baby girl!

Answer 11

Sounds like the MiL is jealous of the attention you are getting, and she being old enough to not be able to have kids anymore is taking that out on you...Just say you don;t feel good and she doesn't get the hint, stick your finger down your throat and heave on her...maybe it sounds gross, but pregnant women can get away with just about anything....also...you might wan to throw in the "oh, btw...that perfume you are wearing makes me nauseous"...and start making heaving noises...she'll be gone in 10 seconds flat!!!!!

Again Pregnant women can get away with anything...