I'm d comedian wit my frends, but I'm startin 2 run outta ideas. i lyk a gud long 1 bt not 1 dat takes 4evr. d mor insulting d btr!
2006-12-05 08:13:34 · 16 answers · asked by Hollzy =) 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Here try these:
A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room.
She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and a young doctor strode in.
Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient up and down carefully and with considerable appreciation.
"Miss Smith," he said finally, "it seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never undergone an eye examination."
It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde in a revealing negligee.
She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice.
When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you." He said, "Screw him, give him a dollar."
The blonde then said, "The breakfast was my idea."
Once there were two dumb blondes who were locked out of their car.
So they were trying to use a hanger to open it, and then one of the blondes says, "Hee-hee it is about to start raining and the top to our car is down!!!!"
A reporter cornered George W. Bush at a press conference:
"Many say the only reason why you would be elected for President is due to the enormous power and influence of your father."
"That notion is ridiculous!" mocked George Jr. "It doesn't matter how powerful the man is. He can only vote once!"
2006-12-05 08:31:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
3 blondes are walking in a forrest when they notice a few sets of tracks on the ground.
They think the first sets of tracks look like bear tracks so they don't follow them.
However they see a second set of tracks on the ground that resemble rabbit tracks, so they follow them through the woods until they stop. They follow the third set of tracks to see where they go.
Then the train runs them down.
(Maybe a bit harsh?)
2006-12-05 16:25:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Here's one:
A blonde lady walks into a bar and sees a really good-looking guy sitting at the bar by himself. She goes over and asks him what he is drinking.
"Magic Beer", he says.
She thinks he's a little crazy, so she walks around the bar, but after realizing that there is no one else worth talking to, goes back to the man sitting at the bar and says, "That isn't really Magic Beer, is it?
"Yes, I'll show you"
He takes a drink of the beer, jumps out of the window, flies around the building three times and comes back in the window.
The lady can't believe it. " I bet you can't do that again."
He takes another drink of beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times, and comes back in the window.
She is so amazed that she says she wants a Magic Beer, so the guy says to the bartender, "Give her one of what I'm having."
She gets her drink, takes a gulp of the beer, jumps out the window, plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body, and dies.
The bartender looks up at the guy and says, "You know, Superman, you're a real a$$hole when you're drunk"
I love that joke.
2006-12-05 16:30:53 · answer #3 · answered by Ndpndnt 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
George Bush - We are winning the war in Iraq.
American Blond - Yes we are winning the war in Iraq.
George Bush - Democracy is returning to Iraq.
American Blond - Eh George, I dont think they will fall for that one.
2006-12-05 17:02:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
A redheaded lady goes into the Doctors.
"Everytime I touch a certain part of my body I scream in pain." she tells him.
The Doc looks at her ands asks her to show him what she means.
The lady touches her head, "aarrhh" she screams in pain, she touches her leg and then her arm and again she screams in pain!
The Doc says, " You havent always been a red head have you?"
She replies, "No I used to be blonde, Why?"
The Doc replies, "You've broken your finger you stupid cow!!!"
(no offence to blondes, I just thought this joke was amusing)
2006-12-05 17:29:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
why did 17 blondes stand outside a bar?
because you need to be 18 to go in
2006-12-05 16:16:18 · answer #6 · answered by Megan H 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
A blonde decided to take helicopter flying lessons. She was flying her helicopter one day and crashed. When the medical and her coach arrived, he asked her "What happened?!" and she replied "It got cold so I turned the big fan off."
2006-12-05 16:30:18 · answer #7 · answered by bria. 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
My 9 year old son told me this blonde joke. Blonde goes into shop "can I buy that TV please" "No" "Why" "because you're blonde" goes home dyes hair black "can I buy that TV please" "No" "why" " because you're still blonde" goes home dyes hair brown "can I buy that TV etc. etc. dyes hair black, red, platinum, all different colours and goes back to shop every day. In the end says "I've been every colour I can think of but you still won't sell me that TV why?? Because ITS A MICROWAVE!
2006-12-05 17:42:05 · answer #8 · answered by N17 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Three women fall off a bridge one has red hair, one has brown hair and one blonde. They are hangin' on and then the red head says "Lets sing a song" the brown haired one starts "If your happy and you know it clap your hands." and suddenly the blonde fell! She clapped her hands.
2006-12-05 16:56:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
blond joke: why the blondie goes arround the bathroom while washing her hair? Cuz...she reads the shampoo name Wash&Go.
Bush joke : why bush is staring every time he is live on TV?? He is just looking the red point to start talking.
2006-12-05 16:18:43 · answer #10 · answered by invisible1 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋