my kids want to go to my uncles funeral!!!?

Question

they are 10 n 7 and were close to him what do you think should I let them go????

made my mind up will let them go now than you all soooo much xxxI suppose as soon as we are born we are dying arent we??

Answer 1

yes. i know its morbid but my cousin died when i was 13. my parents wouldnt let me or my younger brother go with them to the funeral so it wouldnt upset us.

it upset us more that we couldnt go since we were close to our cousin and we werent allowed to say goodbye.

Answer 2

If they were close to him then I would say yes. I think kids sometimes need to see the serenity of death and a funeral. Sometimes death can be blown out of proportion and it might help them bridge the gap between his being and passing and know that he is at peace. Other cultures involve the children no matter what age and somehow to our society death has become something to be feared and hidden away from, but I don't think it does any harm for children past a certain age to be present at a funeral.
If it's a cremation then they don't necessarily need to be told where the coffin finally ends up but having been to a cremation there is something very peaceful about the process of the coffin disappearing behind the curtain - seems less 'harsh' for want of a better word than seeing the coffin being lowered in to the ground. I think if the kids were prepared appropriately, and you'll know best, then if it's what they want, then go for it. Maybe have a friend that might not have been going to the funeral to come along just in case it gets too much for them afterall and they can leave with the friend, so then you wouldn't be torn between staying or having to have to leave with them too.

Answer 3

Sadly I had the same situation this year. I have 10year old twin boys and they too wanted to go my uncles funeral. He was young and had committed suicide so the funeral was never going to be simple. I sat down and discussed that he had taken his own life, although not the details, that he would be cremated and I would have to go to the funeral to pay my respects. The boys were clearly upset also and wanted to know why they couldn't pay their respects too. I am quite a liberated mom but didn't expect to involve the children in such a sombre situation at such a young age but I let them state their case that they were capable of learning how to handle life and death is a part of that and they need to learn to deal with that too. I was rather impressed by their argument and after a great discussion about the formality of the situation i.e suit and tie they would need to wear, what would happen at the crematorium, the wake etc I felt sure they could deal with the situation.

I come from a large family who are not particularly close but I was given so many compliments on the way my children behaved and how well mannered and dressed they were that I felt sure I had made the right decision. The meaning of the situation wasn't lost on them but it hasn't impacted on them to any negative degree. I feel proud that they were so capable of handling the situation.

I think the decision for you is about whether you feel your children would be capable of handling the situation and are you able to support them and yourself.

I am sorry for your loss.

Answer 4

Yes they should go, death is part of life. Kids see thinks more black and white than us adults, be honest with them and answer any questions they raise. They need to say goodbye too. I took my then 3yr old to her Grandfathers funeral, also to the veiwing, she picked him some daisys to take to heaven, she kissed him good bye and put a teddy in the coffin so he wouldn't get lonely, she said that the angels will kiss him better. It has done her no harm at all. I personally think the sooner we get rid of this victorian morbid attitude to death the better, should we not celebrate the life they had and the love we have for them.

Answer 5

If they know how to behave in a place like that then why not? It's not a secret. They should learn about these things. If you're a good mom you will explain to them what to expect, what not to do, what not to touch, and that they should be quiet so that they don't bother others who may be taking it hard. Tell them to hold all questions till later. And make sure that you listen to EACH of them and explain things to their satisfaction. Not yours. Kids have stranger questions about things. It's a learning thing. Question is....can you handle it? Do they behave? Will they stop when told? Are they a nuisance? Are they helpful? It's all in the way YOU have brought them up. My kids always went with me. They've been to them since they were preschool. Just remember. They TOO are part of the family. Not just something you picked up at the store. Your loss is also theirs. If mommy can say goodbye, why can't they? My kids are a part of me and a reflection of me. I did a good job with them and was proud. So yes. They always went to everything.

Answer 6

A funeral is for everyone - especially if they were close to him and want to go I think it's very important that they attend. Kids learn that everything/everyone dies and a funeral is a good place for them to see that you can still love someone after they die, and remember the good things about them, and that it's okay to be sad. A funeral can also add closure to a relationship that otherwise wouldn't happen if they don't attend.

Answer 7

My parents didnt believe that it was suitable to take children to funerals, but as i have got older i do not agree. I think they should go and you can explain a little beforehand - especially if there will be a cremation or burial that they will go to.

Death is a part of life. Uncle was part of the family. Let them say their good-byes with the rest of you.

RIP

Answer 8

yes of course let them, its going to be sad, but thats life and i think they are of the right age to learn that life has its down sides, how would you feel if someone stoped you from saying goodbye to a close friend or something?

the only thing i would say is keep a close eye on the 7 year old, your 10 year old will be old enough to accept it and understand, 7 is a bit young, actualy thinking about it, take the 10 year old, i think 7 is a bit to young, but only just, i think it depends how mature and grown up the 7 year old is. maybe not take the 7 year old

Answer 9

My son was three when my great gramps died. He was a WWII veteran and I had served in the same unit in OIF. I took him with me to the objection of some relatives. He was there for the viewing, he touched him and placed a division coin inside his coat. "is he marching the angels in Heaven now?" I said yes. I read to him a childrens book on loosing a loved one before the funeral. He was more frightened & confused about all the crying than seeing gramps in his coffin. It's a part of the process of all living things ie., flowers, animals, humans, etc. The should know that. It's up to us how we teach it to them.

Answer 10

Yes it will help them get through the grief. let them do what ever they feel they are ready for, just don't push them to do any thing they don't want to do. Talk to they about "what t funeral is" and what will happen there. Make sure they understand what they are asking for, especially the 7 year old, he may be doing it just because the 10year old is.

Answer 11

I don't see a problem with it unless your kids can't sit still and be quite. If they were close then they should go. You can take a few things with you for them to do during the service. My 7 year old went with me to my neighbor wife's funeral. He was OK with it. He went up to view her, though I don't recommend it. Just be prepared to answer a lot of questions.