I think my child is depressed...?

Question

My daughter is eight, she cries over everything! She is constantly coming home from school crying because someone said something...etc. Its not an act its all real, once she starts its hard to stop. I have talked to her about her friends and told her maybe she just needs new friends...its not helping. Today I recieved a phone call from the guidance counselor at school telling me they had a 45 min convo about what was bothering her(I also found out this is not the first time). She constantly wants to be left alone, in her room, the tree house...etc. She gets angry because nobody wants to play with her but sometimes she's downright mean and I can't blame them for not wanting to, but I only tell her sometimes you have to play what other ppl want. She will then just go off on her own. I have tried to ignore the behavior not wanting to give in to "drama", I have talked to her about it, and forbid her to be friends with some ppl, nothing works. Any ideas?

No it isn't only when her friends are playing something she doesn't want to its all the time, we have made it a point that if she wants to play in her room thats fine but leave the door open. Most of the time she just sits on her bed. She blames her dad for alot of things that I find out about from teachers, she never lived with him but does know him, he moved when she was 5, she used to talk to him on the phone but now he no longer talks to her.
She hates her 8 year old sister (not twins) and her four year old brother. She will hit them if they do anything that she doesn't like. I was told from the counselor today her behavior is starting to affect school. Any more ?'s just ask. Thanks

I do not know how to contact her father. My daughter had an address for him...he moved...told her that he would send it to her and never did. He just recently disconnected his phone and didn't leave a forwarding number, he has hers as I won't change it so that way she knows he can call her cuz the number is the same. I told her maybe he couldn't afford to pay his phone bill, unfortuately that isn't what I believe. I have explained to him that its ok if he doesn't talk to me, I don't care just talk to her because she needs him, I told him if he doesn't want to call then email or a letter would really make her day. His statement to me was he doesn't have time. (thats why I don't believe he couldn't pay his bill)

As for having her tested for ADHD when she was 5 her teachers pressed for that, I took her they evaluated her in a matter of 30 min. and said yup she is. They put her on all kinds of meds, which did nothing, after a year I requested a meds vacation they refused, stopped listening to anything I had to say as a parent. I took her to her pediatrition (who has been seeing her since birth) and explained my concern of not knowing if she would ever not need the meds if we didn't do a meds vacation, she stated to me that she didn't belive my daughter had ADHD, and wished I had come to her first, we weaned her off. The only problems we have now are emotional.

Answer 1

Damn you have a serious problem.. People are people, even kids. That is just her personality type. I have one kinda like that. My middle son, some people call it middle child syndrome, I tend to think he's just a butt. He is 16 now and I have taken him to counseling ( that made it worse) I have talked to him and tried allot of the things you are talking about. All i can tell you is that you have to just live with it. Do you best to find out if there is a problem or something happened to her, but it sounds like that is just the kinda person she is.

Answer 2

I hear alot of the same things that my daughter who is 9 1/2 is going through. I am a single parent so I'm sure the fact that her father is not around 24/7 but only every other weekend makes it a bit harder for her. She will become anxious over certain things and start crying. She constently fights with her 7 year old sister. Will cry at the drop of a dime. I did have her in counseling but she wasn't helping to much so I need to find a new one. So you are not alone and I would recommend counseling. There are also alot of great books out there. A good one to read would be, "My Anxious Child" not sure of the author though. Good luck

Answer 3

My sister was exactly the same. They gave her ritalin and let me tell you, nothing changed (except that she can't just stop cold turkey). Some kids are just "sensitive." She cxan't just find new friends overnight. Kids are cruel. Unless she changes schools it won't change. I think counseling will help. My sister never had that and she needed it! It could be puberty and it could be something else. Just love her and let her know you're there for her. Give her some space, but not too much you know?! Talk ot her teachers and school counselors. Drugs are not the answer though. I can attest to that. My sister is 20 now and though she is better in the crying department, she is still stubborn and moody and cries over the strangest of things. I hope you find a solution that will work for your family. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 4

I think you should try spending more quality time with her and eventually try talking to her about what's going on. Don't ignore the behavior and hope that it'll go away, it most definitly needs to be addressed. Chances are, since she's only 8 years old, that she really needs some attention.

Chances are this drama that she's bringing home from school is a lash out for attention some where else. As hard as it may be, try and sit down with her and ask her point blank what's been bothering her.

I know it's not easy to deal with an obviously upset child but hopefully, with a little bit of tender love and care, she'll get through this and proceed with a happy childhood.

Good luck!

Answer 5

My daughter is 8 and acting the same way. She had a b-day in July asked for clothes, she got like 15 outfits. I thought it would be nice to take her out ... just her and me. She spent 45 mins. in her room crying, that she had nothing to wear. Its been happening ever since. Whether its no toys, no books, no makeup, etc. its never ending. I've found that it helps when I only give her the choice between 2-3 things. I think I expect her to make too many choices all on her own and she has said that I make her feel all grown up. Not in a good way. She still wants to be my little girl. Especially that we have a 5 and 3 yr old. So I have to make sure that I am not ignoring her needs, and still make sure that I realize that she has "little kid" needs still. Having quiet time (hiding in her room) isn't such a bad thing. It gives them time to calm down. Too much time and they will dwell on themselves and get depressed. My only suggestions is to just remain calm. Talk to her in a normal voice. Make sure that there are sometimes that she doesnt have to option to go in her room and pout. Come up with other alternatives, coloring, listening to walk man, walk around the block, writing letters, reading... all in the living room. Make her realize that she doesn't have to play with friends...be happy...but there are other things that she can do to solve the way shes feeling!!

Answer 6

You think that your child is depressed, because she does not interact with other children, at her school?and you mention other symptoms she has and you think she is depressed? If I were you I would take her to her physician and tell him about the problems she has had, at school and at home, he might refer you to a specialist to evaluate her if it is depression or have her checked for add, Attention deficit disorder, or adhd which is similar but with hyperactivity. My daughter's son was a very good baby until he got to the age of two yrs. after that he started misbehaving a lot specially public places, he is four yrs. old and he can be a terror, he has mood swings where he is lovable and in a second could be very agrresive to the point that he starts hitting you. They are going to evaluate him because the Doctors think he has adhd, I hope that they can help him to be a normal little boy, because when he is calm he is a very lovable little boy. He even says that he does not know why he acts the way he does. Good luck with your daughter.

Answer 7

WOW hun its like u are going through so much and I can tell you just where the problem lies. You and her father aren't together and he's away from the house. She's begging for attention and has hurt that she's taking out in anger. I've been through this, but I was in my teens when that happened. Right now the only way that she sees to get attention from people is the negative way. Hitting, punching, pulling and being mean are all a way to get attention and once she has it she expects again that u do what u can to make her happy and when u don't she feels she has to turn the volume up on it until u get it right. The kids very well might be picking on her even if she's not mean because of her past behaviors with them. For me I didn't go to the routine as she is, but the concept is still the same. I use to cause drama to get attention. But mind u I was in an alcoholic atmosphere with my dad and and my mom was a battered wife and I was abused, which isn't the case here, but I saw that with people on the outside once they found out what was going on in my life they were sympathic towards me and that felt good. After that I went out my way to tell people because I got a rush from getting that feeling of want and acceptance. Then after that wore off I went to another extreme and another and another. Eventually I did go into a depression, but because things at home got worse. by that time people saw into my act and when I needed someone to understand I'd ran through people. I pray she doesn't come to that. But talk with her and the guidence counselor with her there. Try to get to the root of the problem beyond what u've seen already. Try to get in touch with her father and get him involved. Trust me she's wanting him there in her life. If he doesn't then at least she saw u trying to include him and he will have to pay for it later. get her a notebook or journal let her write what she's feeling or give her a toy with a recorder or something let her tape herself talking about all she's feeling and then u and her play it back so she can hear herself. it works trust me. Been through this. Also if have a church and a pastor go to him about it. For me faith helped me and still is. Just talk to someone and then u and her go to someone and talk together. I wish I could say it gets better after a while, but for me it did for others it doesn't, but its up to her to want too. Pray it all works itself out and I'm will pray for you paitence you need it and peace. God bless

Answer 8

Part of what you are saying is normal sibling rivarly. Unfortantly children hit their brothers or sisters.

It does sound as though she is depressed though. Has something happened to her? If you don't know, you better try to find out.

You see, I was molested for 12 years during my childhood. I was depressed during my whole childhood. I still am at almost 40, I am still in therapy trying to figure out how to live. If she's dealing with something bad this may explain the behaviour. I'm not saying it did happen, I'm just saying IF.

Take care of your daughter and talk to her. It may not be 'drama' it may be something serious. Good Luck to you both!!!

Answer 9

it could be a few things, or even combinations of things, she coudl be highly emotional, and somewhat of a loner,,,, some kids just find socializing a little overwhelming,,,,,,or as mentioned, its possible she is going to go threw menestration early, if so, she may already be having some of the hormone shifts,,, maybe a meeting with a psychologist,,,, someone who is separate from home and school, might be helpful,,, and may help you determine if this is just her type personality, of if there is something underneath causing it,,,,,,my daughter was similar,,,, finally around 17 she seemed to level off, but from 8 ish till then,,,,, was difficult, plus had a temper,,,, besides the crying and alone time,,,,,some little girls are just full of drama, life is drama to them,,,,,

Answer 10

I don't think she's depressed, I think she's just a touchy child. The slightest things upset her, make her mad, etc. If she was depressed, she wouldn't be "set off" by things--she'd be sad/angry no matter what was going on.

Does she go off on her own ONLY when her friends start playing something she doesn't want to play? If that's the case, it sounds like she has a case of "my way or the highway". If it's not her way, she goes off by herself.

I think you just need to sit down with her and talk to her about this. Don't let her get up until you are finished talking with her. Tell her you aren't doing it to be mean, you just truly want to help her get through whatever is bothering her and making her this way.