I gave my daughter up when I could not take care of her. I did it in her best intrest but now I am able to care for her and I have been regretting my decision since the day I made it. Is there any way to break the adoption?
2006-12-05 06:56:49 · 23 answers · asked by Ana 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Well I think it depends on the state laws of adoption and the terms of the adoption you decided on. Plus it will depend on the family that adopted her. I'm sure they have strong feeling for her and might not want to give her up. Be prepared for a long court process and defending yourself in your earlier decision and new decision to have her. They will probably require alot of information to show that you are fit to raise her and the court will also look at the age of the child and do what is best for the child. Plus if you win the child back they might request visitation and maybe an open adoption back to your care which means you are like having custody problems in which you would if you were being divorced from her father or something like that.
Good Luck
2006-12-05 07:05:51 · answer #1 · answered by luvae3187 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look, this isn't about you it's about your daughter and what's best for her. You said 'I' six times in two sentences which, basically states that this is about you and what you want - not her. You probably made the best decision you could have done at the time, and I'm not critisizing what your current situation might be but it is not healthy to have a child move from one place to another not having a sence of permanency. The problem that occurs when parents have children at a time in thier life when it's not good for either the parent or baby to be together and they split, usually the child makes more strides faster than the parent because they are developing and changing like lightning, while it's much more difficult for an adult to change themselves quickly. I have no doubt that you regret giving your daughter up but that is your burden that you have chosen to bear, for her. This is the ultimate test, will you be able to live up to your commitment and let her be, and give her time (until she's 18 and will find you if she wants) to heal from her wounds of abandonment and develop the ability to form good attachments with permanent people in her life. I am speaking on the grounds that you didn't give us much history as to how old she/you were at time of adoption, if DHHS is involved, if it's a kinship adoption or closed adoption, if you have contact with her, so it's hard to give you the best accurate advice. But what I can say is that maybe now you can provide a good home for a child, but accept and get over that it is not going to be this child you provide for.
2006-12-05 15:40:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I understand the regret, but you have to think of where this child is now. They have (hopefully) a loving stable environment because a good choice you made. Sure you regret not being able to care for this child when you were younger, but you have to think that the choice you made really was the right one at the time.
I want to adopt a child, but because of the question asked above I get scared off. What if I bond with this child to the point that they are integrated seamlessly into our family. But the birth mother shows back up? Could I endure that, could the child endure that?
A stable environ, love, support. This child has come to expect these things from their adoptive parents. Think about the child before you think about yourself. That is what a real mother does, and what you did when you gave your baby to those adoptive parents.
I Hope This Helps,
Amy
2006-12-05 15:07:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Here are some things you might want to consider before trying to take back your daughter. Your daughter probably only knows her new adoptive parents as mommy and daddy. She probably has a routine, favorite toys, favorite foods ect....Your child probably is given more love then imaginable. These people chose her and probably can't imagine life without her. I am an adoptive parent. If someone told me tomorrow my children i adopted would be leaving, my world would end....but thats my pain. Think of the child. Who does she run to when she has an ouchie, who tucks her in at night? I don't know your childs age, but in most states, to get the child back the birth mother must do so within 6 months. I am not saying not to try to get your child back but think of everything. Be prepared if she doesnt know you, if she cries for her adoptive mother...it will be a long hard road for everyone involved. I wish you the best of luck.
2006-12-05 15:16:34 · answer #4 · answered by misty n justin 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, I am sorry for the pain you must be feeling. I can't imagine.
You did a wonderful thing for your daughter. You put her needs ahead of your own, and that is what being a parent is all about.
You don't say how long it has been, but I presume at least a few years have passed. Your daughter and her adoptive parents have no-doubt bonded into a family unit. As far as she is concerned, those parents are Mommy and Daddy.
That had to be heartwrenching to read, but it's the truth. It's also a cause for celebration. They stepped up and took your daughter to raise as their own; opening their hearts and home to her.
Think about the awesome thing you did for her; putting her needs first. Now think about this: Is it putting her needs first to take her away from the people she knows as Mommy and Daddy?
Even if you could do this, is it fair to her?
As far as legality is concerned, my (non-lawyer) advice is that your odds of prevaling are small-to-none unless there was fraud in the inducement for you to sign the release. A lawyer could look at the specifics of your case and advise you of the law in your jurisdiction.
I hope you don't make the call. I hope that you can take comfort in your original, very noble decision.
Good luck.
2006-12-05 15:15:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Adoption is a legally binding contract and it can not be broken. You no longer have any rights to the child. In addition, your child is being raised in the only home that she has every known. Continue to do what is in her best interest and let her stay with her parents. When she is older and if she wants to, make it easy for her to find you. Keep your address current with the adoption agency or lawyer you went through. Start making a scrap book of your life or keep a journal of your thoughts, so that if you get a chance to meet her one day and have a relationship with her, she will know how much you have always loved her.
2006-12-05 15:04:34 · answer #6 · answered by sevenofus 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Not if it was done legally. It is best for the child to stay with her adoptive parents. You can't pass a child around from one set of parents to another like it is an object. The child would not want to be taken from her adoptive parents at this point and put with people she does not know.
2006-12-05 15:00:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh how horrible. You still don't have her best interest at heart, you've done what is best for her and now you are wanting to disrupt her life again. If it's been more than 6 months you are out of luck and there is nothing you can do. The law is there because it's detrimental to the child to be put through a tug of war.
2006-12-05 15:06:18 · answer #8 · answered by Guinness Guy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You'd have to consult a lawyer about that one, but usually they make up the adoption papers to prevent this kind of thing from happening. It must be tough in your position but think what this would do to the adoptive parents who've cared for your child as theirs all these years. What would this do to your child?
2006-12-05 15:08:52 · answer #9 · answered by chicchick 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure there is a way, but it would be a long, drawn out, legal painful process for the child and her adoptive family. I would urge you to VERY carefully think this through before trying to reverse a choice you made.
2006-12-05 15:00:16 · answer #10 · answered by dggrgl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋