What's the best way to get a 6 yr old to get over her "selective hearing" problem?

Question

My sister works with my niece after school on her list of important words and my niece will get a word, but after a few minutes when my sister goes back to it, she will say that she doesn't know it. Instead of taking 15 min to learn her words, it takes her 2 hours to learn them. She also won't listen with simple chores around the house. My sister is tired of yelling and has tried time outs for both of them and has also tried to do everything she can to make my niece part of things by playing with her and giving her responsibilities. There is a new baby on the way. Could her "selective hearing" just be another form of jealousy?

Spanking isn't working and just causes nothing more than a sore bum for my niece and a sore hand for my sister.

I would like to add that this is not a forum to bash my sister. I asked for advice to help my sister find a better solution to the problem at hand. Any comments relating to my sister should not have gotten pregnant are unwelcome and does not help find a solution to the problem. Please stop and think how you would react if someone were to speak in an ill manner towards one of your family. Thank you.

Thank you to those who offered really good advice. It's going to be hard to choose a best answer.

Once again, please atually pay attention to the question being asked. Spanking in any form isn't working and my sister is looking for alternative methods. I realize people are very judgemental, however judging me or my sister doesn't help solve the problem.

Answer 1

Hello-

Ahahahha!

She is just very smart and has managed to get 2 hours of attention

instead of a measly 15 min

I would tell her to go play with her daughter for 10 minutes

then

I would tell her to tell her daughter, you must putt you toys in the toy box,

and then walk away,

if she does it then play with her for 10 minutes.

if not then, clean with her, singing the clean up song,

when she cleans up , smile and be excited and then tell your sister to call you and praise her daughter to everyone,

Oh grandma, oh auntie, oh daddy , look how fabulous she is, this is what she did, Can you believe it,

even the lady at the check out counter.

she'll be pleased, and the next day, same routine,
baby her alittle, not too much

and repeat the above step,

if she cleans tell your sister to reward her and tell her that now since she is a big sister, she must become responsible,

so she is now incharge of making the cookies,

this will excite her and she will love to do it,

buy the already made ones, from toll house

and give her the cookie sheet,

let her turn the knobs to the stove and set the timer.

remind her that although she is a big sister now, she is never to touch the stove unless mommy says so.

no extra stuff, like a lecture,

next day tell her to clean her room, and then tell her mommy is going to clean her room, and when its done we'll work on the special project.

she'll want ot know what that special project is ,
tell her fast fast as soon as you can go clean that room and we'll work on it.

and don't tell her till its done.

However, Mommy must stop cleaning as soon as her daughters room is finished, and it will not be perfect.

And when they are thru, she goes tothe kitchen, tell her, what do you think we should make daddy for dinner?

pork chops, or chicken?

either way its shake n bake,

get some bread crumbs, stick them in a gallon sized zip log and let her dunk it in eggs, and then shake it up in the bag

Make sure you are praising her cookies, and dinner, and daddy has to say the same, and how fabulous his daughter is.

Next day same thing, and this day, you make home made playdough with some food coloring so she can make 10 million colors,

and save it in the sandwich sized plastic baggies,

make sure you tell her, she can only stay in the kitchen with them.

and each day she does what she is to do, your sister must reward her with her time

stories, for big girls like charlottes web, or the box car children,

and after its become a routine, introduce new responsiblitys

and ween her off the rewards.

this will take a couple of months, to perfect,.

but cupcakes are a good thing , just let her decorate them,

arts and crafts are good too.

at 7-8 they are really able to help more and listen better,

6 is still a bit young.

Answer 2

Try an incentive chart. By the way, the yelling is out of frustration and has no positive result. This has everything to do with learning and listening to instructions. I designed a chart for my son (4) where he has chores like feeding the dogs, brushing his teeth, putting his clothes in the laundry bag,etc. He hets a sticker or temporary tattoo for the morning chores (peeing,pers hygiene,get dressed for school) daily. He gets to play a game (V-smile) after school for his afternoon chores (put his coat away, change clothes, and let the dogs out). He then gets an extra story at bedtime for his evening chores (pers hygiene, feed the dogs, change into PJs). At the end of the week if he has done all his chores without argument he recieves 2 stars, if not he only gets 1.
2 stars merit an all days pass on the computer (on-line learning games for children) and a trip to the park. 1 star only gets him to the park.
At the end of the month if he has achieved 8 stars we take him to the 1.50 movies, McDonald's (Ice cream sundae and playtime...NO FOOD!), and a trip to an indoor fun park.
7 stars get him only a trip McDonald's.
6 stars/below earns him an all day pass at the park (we never stay all day and he gets very tired)
He's grasped the concept of his chart now and we make monthly trips to the movies. When nothing is playing for him we just change 5 dollars into quartes and play the arcade games. He does great. When you talk to them about their chores it may help them if they see mom or dad helping. It motivates them. Talk about the incentive while performing the task and see what you get.

Answer 3

This may not be selective hearing, it could be a learning disability, maybe she has short term memory problems. The key here is to find the way she learns the best and do that. Maybe she learns best by singing the words, and who says it should only take her 15 minutes maybe it really does take her 2 hours, maybe your sister isn't making the learning experience fun, if she isn't ready to handle a new baby and a 6 year old she should have not gotten pregnant.

Answer 4

I would like to know myself, I have a 10 yr old girl that does the same thing, everynight for homework time. This is a big pain in the butt and we have no idea what to do ourselves. We have tried positive, negative, and just ignoring it. Nothing worked!! We are now having her tested for LD, she was on meds for ADD/ADHD, then a phsycholgoist said that was a miss diagnosis, so there are a ton if different issues that could be playing a factor, all I can say is good luck, if you find something that works, please LET ME KNOW!!! LOL

Answer 5

You may be right on the jealousy thing. Your sister should make her daughter as much a part of everything as is practical. Talk to her about her "on the way" sibling and make the new arrival an exciting event for her, too.

Word retention is easier obtained when there are reference points attached to them. Make the word as "visual" as possible and remember to reward POSITIVE behaviour POSITIVELY.

Good Luck

Answer 6

Try old fashioned spanking

Pants down, over the knee, for at least 12 to 15 good sharp spanks to the bottom.

Works much better then regular spankings

Answer 7

I agree with the answer of rewarding her when she gets it right. Also make sure that she has to face consequences if she ignores you (that is assuming she doesn't have any actually hearing loss). If you tell her to do a chore, then be sure and tell her what the consequence is if she doesn't do it and then stick to it.You might also have her repeat the instructions back to you (or your sister).

Answer 8

It could be jealousy. Maybe the little girl needs a light swat on the bottom. She might be more eager to do what she is supposed to, if she has some real discipline. Take away toys and tv time.

Answer 9

Drugs and psychotherapy. That is what all people are doing now a days. When I was young a nice smack to the head made me pay attention. You be the judge!

Answer 10

First of all hitting a child NEVER works, it only teaches the child to become violent. WHY you're hitting her is beyond me. It COULD be that the adults in this child's life don't have any parenting skills if they are constantly screaming and hitting her.