Do I need to leave my guy?

Question

Oh, this is kind of a long story, but I'm desperate for help, so here I go.

My fiancee and I have been together for almost two years, and we have been living together for one year. He has hurt me before, lying to me about what he was doing on the internet, looking at porn, but he has never actually cheated on me (he swears on his life). So anyway, he was working at a pretty much dead end job while I'm trying to finish my degree. He caught a break and recently got a new job, which pays a lot more and he gets a cubicle with a computer and everything.

Since he has hurt me so many times before, I sometimes ask him what he's doing at work, if there's anything he's hiding from me. He always said no. I would check his history at work, I never found anything suspicious. Well, today, I went a step further. I went to pick him up for lunch, and I asked him if I could look at his Cookies folder (which shows websites visited even if they are deleted from history). He said, "Why, let's go?" I ignored him and checked it anyway as he walked away from the computer. Well, of course I found out that he had been lying to my face for at least the past 2 months.

We get home, and during the hour he was on his lunch break, I packed my clothes and he had a huge fight and I told him that I was leaving him. I threw my engagement ring at him, and it was all I could do not to physically hurt him. He broke down crying, on his knees and everything, saying that he would die if I left him.

The biggest point in all of this is the fact that he was lying to my face. It's bad enough that he has the nerve to do this, and tell me he loves me. He knew I had self-esteem problems and this is supposed to make me feel better about myself? Anyway, this whole event follows a month after the fact that we had a huge fight and I told him I would leave him when I was done with my finals (this week), if he didn't straighten up. He SWORE he would, and then I find out he was doing all this behind my back.

I asked him why he did it. Was I not good enough for him, what was he unhappy with? He says I DON'T KNOW, I WAS BORED. Then he has the nerve to say that maybe he has a problem. Well I am a firm believer in the fact that everyone makes their own choices, that there are not "addictions" when it comes to things like this. I think he was just saying it, anyway.

So, here I stand. He got down on his knees and begged me not to leave. I told him that I had to go, he was only going to let me down again. He said he would kill himself before he hurt me again. I have given him ONE MORE CHANCE so many times. I just don't know if this should be the last chance I give him.

Answer 1

Girl... wow .. i don't know where to start.

Lets see, what exactly was he doing? was it really that bad? I eman to tell you the truth most people go online and just eat crap they dont really mean anything they say on here so he might have been doing it to jsut pass the time. I mean don't get me wrong he still shouldn't of lied about it, but maybe he lied because one it wasn't anything he really meant and two he knew you would probably over react.

I say if you love him YES give him another chance. But make sure you knwo what you want.. marriage is a HUGE commitment and you shouldn't be going back and forth. Also, if you do decide to give him another chance you need to trust him (start at square one give him all your trust till he gives you a reason not to) because hunny without trust a relationship will not work.

If you need to talk email me [e-mail]

Good luck

Answer 2

first 2 opinions than my advice.
1 porn is not a big enough deal to leave someone you love. dot the end. he's not watching porn to forget you, he's doign it because he likes it. That to me is like asking him to stop doing any vice, if its not an addiction its not a problem, and it doesnt sound like hes obsessed with porn to me. Also he wouldnt be hiding it if you weren't making such a big deal about it.
2 snooping through his things are wrong, even if he allows it and he's hurt you. esp for something as small as porn. You showing to that level that you do not trust him, makes him feel nontrustworthy and at that point.. whats the point of trying. give a little to get a little honey.

now my advice, yes leave. it does not seem to me there is any trust or communication in this relationship which are key. if you continue how you are he wont want to be with you and he'll keep lying bigger and bigger until he does cheat. if he does that you'll only be hurt.

maybe separate for a while and see a couples therapist.

Answer 3

If he is not looking at porn to hook up, DON"T SWEAT IT. What's the big deal about looking at porn. I don't get it, men don't get upset if you window shop at a store we can't afford to buy you things from.

Guys look at porn, because we are visual beings, we need visual stimulation. We also like sexual variety, but it doesn't mean we are going to cheat. Stop being insecure and controlling.

If your man wants to go through you purse and other personal things, do you let him? Always being up in your man's grill is what MAKES him want to leave you.

If you don't trust him and don't think he will change to live under your iron thumb, THEN FRIGGING LEAVE. You say you keep giving him one more chance and one more chance. It's your fault for not holding your ground.

Either get the heck out or get used to him looking at the porn. Cause you know what 99.9% of all men do when they get bored? They like to look at porn or think about sex. It is what being a man is all about.

Wake up and face reality, stop whining and buy your man some lotion and some tissue, cause I don't think you are strong enough to leave.

Answer 4

you know what they say " if you don't put your foot down the first time then the next time it might be too hard". Why should you stay with a man that continually hurt you? If you want to ever feel good about your self then you know what you got to do!

****He said that he would kill him self if he hurt you, but if that was the case, then he should be dead. ****

The good thing about being a woman is that we are strong and can move on... that is what you got to do....>>>> Just think about it as BETTERING YOURSELF>>>>>

Answer 5

Wow.. well he sounds like a compulsive liar, i used to have that problem, lies do nothing but destroy relationships, of course there are healthy lies such as "you arent fat honey" to bad lies "i don't know where those panties came from"... he seems like he is not ready to settle down.. tell him you will give him a chance but he has to give u space to think or you will leave him.. give him an ultimatum.. give yourself time to think like 3 months or so... tell him to keep very little contact with you.. move in with someone else... if you decide you will not be with him anymore it will be easier because he has gotten used to not being with you so its easier and less drama...

Answer 6

I am sorry to ask...What is your question? You have answered yourself and you are now seeking validation. You shouldn't give him another chance. He lied once, twice and....You see the pattern. You seem like an intelligent girl, I don't see the problem. Let it go, move on. Don't get suckered yet again. Walk away and QUICKLY!!

Good luck!

Answer 7

Wow lucky you, enjoy send post cards we shall miss you, look forward to your hello when you return... Oh no you are not the loser look at what and where you are going in your life... what a wonderful experience, hoping that you will get to share some of your trip when you return.... Big hugs Cya ttyl G'night but not goodbye

Answer 8

okey,here how it goes..first and foremost, i think we have the same problem! see, that is a question to me too.. if i have to leave my man.. well not because of he's cheating on me, i will not allow that! but, he's lying! if that man really loves d woman they should not lie most especially they know that it would hurt us! they would be honest! they should be, because if not then they are not also telling the truth about their feelings, db? they don't make any sense. and my answer to it..yes! we have to give it up.

Answer 9

Deep down you know it will .It's a viscous cycle and the first part of a good self esteem uplift is to get rid of the dead weight .

Answer 10

So we have a "cry-baby" who likes to look at porn.......hmmmm? Well, if this is the type of guy you're attracted to, more power to you. If not, then run like hell!