am i wrong for wanting this?

Question

my boyfriend and i have been together a long time and we always talked about starting a family together. he is graduating college this month and has a job waiting for him which pays a lot. i on the other hand am still in school for another 2 semesters.we currently live together a few days a week and a the other days i am at home with my parents. ( this arrangement was made because my parents wouldnt let me move out until i was married) anyways, my boyfriend is saying that he wants to propose to me really soon just so we can move in together sooner. i would love that, but i dont feel that its fair to me that the only reason i am getting a proposal is so i can move in with him full time. i want something special and meaningful, not just something that he "has"to do so we can live together. would i be wrong to tell him not to propose to me until he actually wants to marry me and not just live with me.am i wrong? and i wont move in with him until i am at least engaged due to family issues

there is no way that my parents will let me move in with him. this caused a huge conflict over the summer when we wanted to move in together and it was not pretty. so my parents being ok with it is out of the question completly!


he says that he loves me very much and wants to spend the rest of our lives together but he really wants us to live together. i am all up for marrying now becuase i feel we are ready, but i dont want him to propose jsut because of that, you know. like if we were living together, would he still want to propose now?


im 21. he is 22.


by the way, we are already sleeping together, so that has nothing to do with us not moving in together

Answer 1

You are an adult and your parents can't force you to stay home. They can wave financial over your head; however, need to be out on your own if you feel ready for marriage.

I do understand what you are discussing by you want him to purpose to be married, not to move in. Tell him that. Maybe that came out wrong. Maybe he does want to marry you, at the same time it is also a benefit to be together permenatly too.

Guys brain works and their mouths sometimes don't equal to their thinking process.

As far as your parents go, you are an adult and it is your choice to stay home with them in reality.

There is no difference in living together and sleeping together. I don't know the exact reasons why your parents don't want you to move in as there is no reason. Maybe in fear it won't work out and you want to move back in as you have no way of being on your own. (To which, is a wise idea to be able to make it on your own and not depend on relationship or parents...I am 21, I undersetand it is hard).

However, getting married won't solve the moving in problem either. There is a thing called divorce and seperation people do all the time when they realize they were not ready for marriage.

My point is, everything we do is a risk. If they are worried you two will have sex if you move in, well you already solved that issue by you two are already are.

Either way, I think you need to discuss with him about marriage and just let him know he should purpose when he is ready to be married. Then leave it up to him to decide that.

Answer 2

I think you guys are both too young to get married.... I'm a 26 f and I've dated plenty. I am a different person than I was at that age and am so glad that I didn't marry my LT sig other that I lived with when I was 21. I also lived with someone from 23-25..and NOw i live alone! Don't rush...why don't your parents let you get your own place? Or why can't you live with some girlfriends? Going from the parents to a live in boyfriend is really just a bad move and a poor excuse to get engaged.
Also the college lifestyle is a lot different than the lifestyle once your done and start your career. Your job will also help you grow as a person.

Answer 3

I know it sort of pisses you off that your boyfriend seems to only want to marry you so you can move in together, and I'm sure that it will always be in the back of your mind that he wouldn't have proposed to you right now if you already lived together, but think about it this way: it's a means to an end. I know that's not terribly romantic to think about it that way, but believe me: if he's willing to give up his prized single status and make a huge commitment like marriage just for the privilege of getting to wake up next to you each morning, it is really the most romantic thing I can think of. Alternatively, he could have decided that this arrangement isn't what he wanted and just bail out of the whole relationship, but instead he chooses to marry you and spend his life with you, which is lovely! Besides, take it from me- if you had been able to live together already, he probably would have gotten too comfortable with the status quo and then he maybe never would ask you to marry him. My point is, it's cool that he's taking the plunge in order to be with you, rather than bail if he didn't like your parents' rules, which is what a lesser man would have done. You're lucky to have a good guy like that- hang on to him!!

(And PS, he loves you- don't think for a second that any guy randomly gets married just to improve his living situation!)

Answer 4

I think you are right for wanting the proposal for all the right reasons. Absolutely! You don't want that hanging over your head, wondering if he proposed just so you can live together and for the convenience of it all. I never once even mentioned marriage to my fiance and we were together 3 years before he proposed! So I know for sure that he proposed because he loved me and was ready for it, not because of convenience or because he was pressured in any way. So I believe you are making the right decision.

However.. be careful how your word your opinion to your boyfriend. I'm sure you already know that, but just be sure you don't make it seem like you DO NOT want to marry him. Just be kind about your words and let him know that you love him dearly and absolutely want to spend your life with him, but you want a proposal for all the right reasons... love, marriage, future together, family, etc. Let him know that if he proposes that you truly want to plan the wedding and not make it all about living together, because that is not your idea of a happy arrangement.

Answer 5

I dont think you would be wrong. It would mean more when you both are ready and are doing it for good reasons. I would like to move in with my boyfriend too but my parents, or my mom, says not before marriage. I can deal with that. This way I can save money and not have to worry about the bills right now. Get a job straight and know exactly what you want out of your future and make sure hes really the one. I would tell him to do it when the time is right.

Answer 6

You already answered your own question.
a) you know you deserve a proper proposal for all the right reasons
b) if you move in with him, and he is truly not ready to get married, you have yourself in a pickle.
c) he has cold feet about the commitment, not you so don't take it personal.
d) stand your ground and stick to the perimiters that you are comfortable with. Don't except a half *** proposal, especially because he will probably do it the right way eventually.
e) this happened to me in a way, I broke up with him and dated other people. I didn't answer his calls or contact him in any way. Before I knew it he was on my doorstep with a huge diamond.

Answer 7

2 things:
1.If you really want to move out of your parents house they can't stop you.
2.You totally deserve the proposal of your dreams. I would tell him not to propose until he is ready to get married, not just because he wants you to live with him.

Answer 8

There is definitely nothing wrong with you. If this guy truely loves you then he will wait for the right time. But the keyword here is "wait". When he proposes, it needs to be real, not just because he wants to be able to play house everyday! Stick to your guns and about your parents, it'll blow over. They'll just get used to it. It's time for you to start making your own decisions. Good Luck

Answer 9

Wait ... don't rush and make a decision. You both have time to see where this is going. I didn't marry until I was 28 and I still got a divorce ... now I am with my soul mate and couldn't be happier. Finish school, travel with him, have sex all the time (use protection) and go out and have fun ... then when you are both in your late 20's get married. Live life now and be young ... marriage changes everything ... more responsibilities, kids, in-laws, stess ... HAVE FUN NOW!!!!!

Answer 10

I don't think you should commit to spending the rest of your lives together so you can live together a little earlier. That's ridiculous. Tell him you don't want a proposal until he's ready to commit to marriage.