My boyfriends family hates me,?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years currently I am five months pregnant. I really dont care what they think about me, I know I am a well rounded individual who has a bright future ahead. Anyway his mom asked to speak to me on the phone the other day and she started b*itching at me saying I dont know why you are having a baby for my son you dont respect him. All of these things she said were not even true. She called me pretty much every name in the book. Me and my boyfriend like other couples have our arguments but we are really happy. Its just that when we do he ends up telling his mom or famliy a small part of what happened and in the end they start not liking me and telling him to break up with me and asking why he is with me. It really makes me angry because his mom threatened to take away the baby when he is born because I will be a terrible mom. Which is not true I am great with kids and me and John have been trying to have a baby for a long time. What to do??

I know in the past I have been a terrible person but I am
different I have gone through alot and have worked passed it and John has been there for me. What I mean by alot is that I was drinking alot last year when John was gone I was really depressed because things that happened to me as a child. But I have worked that out and I am happy to not dwell on the past. I know sometimes when I was angry at what happened to me I would be angry with John cus he was the person that was there. I realized that I was in a hole and I got out. I dont ever want to be that person again. John also has problems he is dealing with. He came back from Iraq last year and saw alot of his friends die. He is trying to get over the fact but sometimes its hard because I dont know how to talk to him because I can never imagine what he has been through. All of that aside I love
John with all my heart and I cannot wait to have this baby boy.I want his family to open up and get to know me.

Answer 1

Sounds like they won't be coming for Christmas Dinner. Oh well more for you.

Coach

Answer 2

What other people say or think about you is none of your business! But, you don't have to put yourself in a position to take any ones BS. I'm gonna agree with the first answer, he's 26 and still lives at home? Please tell me he's at least going to college full time? Your man should be standing up for you, telling his family to shut the hell up! But, seeing as how he lives with mommie, he has to make mommie happy in order to stay in the house. If he chooses you over them, he may be asked to leave, and I guess he's not ready to do that. I say dump his a** and find someone who wants to be with you, and won't stand for other talking shi*t about you. If you wouldn't treat yourself that way, then don't let others do it either. I'm sorry hun, but any man who won't stand up for his girl, isn't a man worth having. All of this is assuming you really have nothing to apologize for!! Good Luck!!

Answer 3

Okay, first of all, she's not going to be able to take your baby away from you unless you break up with your boyfriend and he sues you for custody and she gets custody of the child from him, or the courts rule that you're unfit to be a mother and then give your boyfriend custody, and she (again) gets custody from him. From what you've said, this seems pretty unlikely.

It seems to me that you need to have a talk with your boyfriend about what parts of your relationship you would like to be private. My husband and I argue, of course, but it's personal and remains only be between the two of us. He's never told his family about our arguments, and I've never told mine, because it's not necessary.

Your families are indirectly involved in your relationship and when told only the problems of it, of course they're going to think that you're a bad person - which is why it's very important for you two to come up with some basic "guidelines" so to speak on what is appropriate to share with others (not just family members - but friends, coworkers, etc.).

Remember that only you two can make your relationship work and last, and that while his family may try to influence his decisions, it's ultimately his choice of whether he should stay with you (and with his child) or not. If you think this will be a difficult subject to start with him, I suggest finding a counselor who will assist you both in walking through the conversation(s) and not allowing it to escalate to an argument (because it shouldn't be an argument.)

Hopefully over time his mother will warm up to you and realize that you're a normal person with good intentions. If you're able to work things out with your boyfriend and know that he won't go telling his mom everything about your fights (and other personal details about your relationship), then I suggest reaching out to her and allowing her to become a part of your life as well. She'd probably appreciate the gesture and it seems like she wants to be involved in both of your lives, but has no way of doing so if all she hears is negative things about you. If she continues to a problem, especially after the baby is born, try avoiding her, but I certainly hope you won't have to deal with that.

Good luck with everything.

Answer 4

Oh honey, I feel for you. First of all whether or not the boyfriend agrees or disagrees, you do not have to listen to any of the garbage that she spews. If it happens again tell her "I'm pregnant and I refuse to get involved in your petty arguments. I do not have to listen and I am hanging up now." Then hang up. What the hell kind of man lets anybody talk to his 5month pregnant wife that way, no matter who it is. You need to make a stand. Refuse to participate in any holiday functions and any upcoming family events for that matter. You should tell the boyfriend that you are writing a letter to the "mother" and that you would appreciate it if he supported you. I'm disgusted that he would let it happen. Have you been putting up with this garbage for 6 years? You need to end it now!! Tell her to keep her opinions to herself and if he won't back you, tell him the same thing. She gives him money or bails him out or something. He feels he owes her, this is not a respect and love thing. that sucks,

Answer 5

First of all, no one can take your baby away from you unless your are abusing him/her and she would need proof for that - don't give her any. Second, tell boyfriend to stop relaying your arguments to his family - it's none of their business and unfair to you because it's one-sided. Third, you are about to have his family's grandchild/niece/cousin etc. They don't have to like you but they do have to treat you politely and with respect or they don't get to be a big part of that baby's life - this is your choice and they can't force baby time. My friend went through something similiar - grandparent's have no rights but its good for baby to have a relationship with all family members provided there's no abuse going on. At the same time, it's not good for your kids to watch you get disrespected by his family - they end up thinking it's o.k. behaviour to do to someone else...
Stand up for yourself - even if hubby won't support you with this.

Answer 6

Okay ready? here goes...... Your b/f is a Momma's boy and they usually never change... You need to set him down and tell him that you are not going to stand for this anymore... There is a time when a man needs to let go of his mother and stand up for his g/f when his mother is in the wrong..... That is really the only way your b/f mother is lay off.... as far as the baby goes she is just blowing smoke up her *** because there is no way that she could get custody even if she tried.. it is laughable on her part... and if your b/f sides with her on this the best he can hope for is visitation and child support..... just worry about yourslef and your baby and relax.. you dont need this stress...... Good Luck Hun

Answer 7

First of all, it's understandable that he feels he needs to talk to someone to work out what happened between you, but it definitely shouldn't be his family if that's going to cause more problems between you and them. You need to explain that to him, and he should want to stop the way they treat you enough to stop telling them bad things about you. Second of all, maybe you should just stop talking to them for a while. Wait till after the baby is born and then have a talk with them. Hopefully the birth of the baby will help bring you closer together on it's own, but if not, you need to stand up for yourself and tell them that you deserve more respect than that. Try not to make it seem like you are holding the baby over their heads though(I dealt with that with my sister-in-law when she wasn't showing me respect i told her I didn't want her to see my son until we could work out our differences). Tell them that you don't feel that you have done anything for them to treat you that way, and see what they say. Hopefully you can have a civilized conversation and work out your differences. If not just try not to talk to them unless it's necessary.

Answer 8

been there, done that.
i don't think there is much hope that your relationship with his family will improve. it didn't in my case. they eventually became my in-laws and they looked down their noses at me from day one.

eventually i got out of a bad marriage with a man who was unfaithful, a thief, and who had many bad habits. i was totally shocked one day when I received an email from his father apologizing for how they treated me. i guess they had to see the person he hooked up with after me, to realize that i wasn't the worst thing that coulda happened to their son.

now my ex has three more children, lives on welfare, bilks the system for all the hand outs he can get....blames his poor situation on his ex wife (me) and is greasy, dirty and has put on about 50+lbs. he has a limited relationship with his family because they are wealthy and snobbish and he has entered a lifestyle they don't stoop down to. They don't help him because he's not their natural child (adopted).

btw, I don't live on welfare and have a much higher income level than i ever did with the ex.

anyway....i'm not saying your boyfriend is a bad deal....i am saying that it's likely not to get any better on the relationship level you have with his mother/family. i wish you lots of luck and patience when the stuff starts rolling.

Answer 9

He needs to stop telling his mom about your arguments that should be kept between you guys-it is none of her business. She doesn't like you because every time you guys argue he goes to her and tells her all the bad instead of he good stuff in your relationship. He should not allow his mother to talk to you that way and you need to tell him that.

Answer 10

your boyfriend needs to stand up for you if he wants your relationship to get better and to be good. Think of how it will be once the baby is born and his parents are grandparents..it will be even worse. It is up to him to talk to them , not you. He needs to be the one to stand next to you as his woman. He also needs to stop running to them every time there is a fight. You need to ask yourself if you can live this way if he decides to not stand up for you. Anyone ever threatened me with my child, that would be it for me....you need to have a talk ASAP with your boyfriend.

Answer 11

You boyfriend needs to quit talking to his family when the two of you have problems. You guys may want to consider marriage since you will be parents and it will make both of your lives easier if you are married.