Help with our teenager(s)!!!?

Question

We have a 15 yr old daughter. She is a good kid. Great grades, and goes to church regularly. She has good morals. But, she is so disrespectful, sassy, and rude to all of us as a family. She treats her 12 yr old brother like dirt. And isn't always nice to our 4 yr old. She expects to be on the phone and/or computer as much as she likes. (most of her friends have unlimited freedom to do this) She does VERY LITTLE to help around the house. (How do I get her to help more without being a nag?) And she complains she doesn't get to do enough, and she has a boyfriend, who she wants to see more of...**gag** She isn't allowed to 'date' although, he can come here to watch a movie, play a game, etc...and vise versa if his family is home. And I will take them to the movies & pick them up...but, I feel once a week is plenty, they see each other at school & at least one night a week at school/church related activities. Our son is getting sassy as well, he is 12...HELP! :)

It isn't like we dont' take away the computer/phone/tv...we do. It just doesn't seem to affect her. She is still sassy & disrespectful. She will lose a privilage, earn it back, and then do it again. I am sick of the cycle! We try very hard to enforce the chores, but I have in home child care, with 3-6 extra children here 17 hours a day, thus, I am not always able to stand over her to get her to accomplish the tasks. I feel she does need more 'girlfriend' time, not as easy as it sounds. She has a lot of homework every night, and I feel like sometimes she is only doing chores & homework, then the guilt piles! (She is a freshman, and taking all junior & senior classes, so it isn't easy)

The computer is not in her room, it is on a totally different level of the house. She doesn't get to just hang on it nonstop, that is where we run into arguing. We set the limit, she wants on longer...she will normally, eventually, do what we ask...key word, eventually. I lose patience, with her, b/c some things need to be done/dealt with NOW. And if she doesn't lay her stuff out the night before school, she is always running late, you would think picking out something to wear, with socks & under clothing was a huge task...like pulling teeth sometimes. It is like, JUST DO IT ALREADY! Everything is in slowwwwwwww....motion...

Answer 1

Who is the parent here?

Lay down the law. It doesn't matter about the nag thing, the child will always see you as a nag no matter if you ask once or 500 times. So just forget that whole issue.

You need to lay down some laws and tell her exactly what parts you expect her to do in the household. If they are not done, She doesn't get her TV, Internet, phone or whatever else privilege.

When she is is mean to a sibling, she must do one of there chores for them.

Stick to it.. that's the biggest thing. Usually when parents see that it takes more work to stick to something like this they drop it and they slip into old habits. if you give it a try and stick to something like this, you will notice it starts to work.

Good luck.

Answer 2

You need to step up and be the parent. Don't worry about "nagging" who cares - she needs you to be her parent, not her friend. As far as getting her to do more around the house, set up a point system, whereby all the kids earn time on the phone, computer, watching movies/tv, games, etc. Put together a list of chores that you know each child is capable of doing (taking out the trash, washing dishes, setting table, sweeping/vac floor, etc) and assign points for each chore done properly. Each "privilege" should cost a certain amount of points. I believe there are 4 necessities in relation to children: shelter, clothing, food and education. Anything above that is a privilege. Make sure any back talk is dealt with swiftly too, lose points, lose privilege, lose all points, etc. And most importantly, stand your ground, do not give in. Children are master manipulators and they do prey on our weaknesses, especially when we allow them to. Good luck!

Answer 3

I feel for you because I am going through the same thing.......My daughter will be 14 on the 2nd of Jan and I also have two boys, ages 12 and 2 1/2 . She is a 4.0 student, very well known as a respectful good kids until behind closed doors with me. she does help out a lot at home here with her little brother ect...., but is so sassy and mouthy. I have tried grounding. No computer, ect...Thank goodness she isnt interested in boys yet. It is very frusterating. As a single mom raising 3 all by myself, I sometimes dont know what to do. Just know that you arent alone, although I know this doesnt help much.....hoping this is a stage and some of it will go away. But be strong in your beliefs and continue to stick to the rules. Good luck! If you think of any ideas let me know as well...We parents need to stick together..LOL These teens(especially girls) can be so tough to deal with with attitudes and mood changes. Just continue to show your love , but be firm in your desire to be respected as a parent as you should be.

Answer 4

Since she loves the phone and computer so much, ground her from them. If she has a TV, DVD player, phone in her rooom, remove them. I never had a phone in my room until I moved out. Tell her that if she wants to be able to use these items or earn back the things you took out of her room that she has to do chores around the house without complaining. Same thing with your son. Since you have already tried taking away computer time, tell her that everytime she sasses you or doesn't do what you ask the first time that you are going to dock her allowence (If she receives one.) When she gets out into the real world and doesn't do something the first time her boss asks her she will end up losing her job.

Answer 5

I think that you are going in the right direction.Teenagers are going to have attitude. And she is going to nag about what she has to do and her friends don't have to. She will be thankful in the end, that she knows how to do those things. And Who care if she nags. Make her still do all her chores... and if she does nag- take computer/phone time away. She will learn one way or the other. And if she is still mean to her siblings, make her have to spend time with them instead of playing ont he computer or talking to her friends.There is no excuse for her to be disrespectful to ANY of the other family members.

But I am sure that she will grow out of in in a few years, then youi will be starting all over with the younger ones- it is just how things go....

Good Luck with though..

Answer 6

I have a son that is 15 as well. This is a phase, and she is "testing" you to see how far she can push you. Take the computer out of her room, and when she acts sassy or is mean to your other children, give her consequences for her actions. put this on her shoulders, i.e.- make her understand that bad behavior will not be tolerated, and that good behavior will earn her things back, and your trust. Good luck!!!

Answer 7

Be a firm parent. Show that there are consequences to all actions that are disrespectful and stick to your guns. If she goes to church regularly, then point out through scripture of how children should behave in the eyes of god. If she goes to church because you do, then stick to grounding her from so many conviences that YOU ALLOW her. YOU are the parent!!! It sounds like you given her several simple luxuries, and although we want to give our kids everything from matierial things to creative freedom to express their personalities - YOU have to draw the line somewhere. Do not let the fact that she has good grades and goes to church make up for the lack of respect she has for you and your family.

I sassed my mom once......just once

Answer 8

Start disciplining your kids. If one is disrepectful towards you, then take away privileges until behaviour gets better. Phone and computer time limits and stick to it. Mandatory chores around house and if not done, discipline.
Honestly, the kids are acting this way because they get away with it. If you change, they will too.

Answer 9

It's called being a teenager. My 12 year old is the same. I take away privileges if she does not do her part or gets an attitude when I ask her something. Give her chores..if she does do it without complaining, then she can have her privileges.

Answer 10

When she does do a chore take away a privilege. Have a cahrt or something that tells her what she needs to do , if she does not do them and fusses about doing them -then don't let her see her boyfriend . make her work for the cell phone usage good luck