I have been dating a woman for 2yrs now and she is very skeptical of truly letting me into her heart. She has been hurt physically and mentally in the past. How can I get her to let her guard down and stop running from true love? How can I make her feel more secure about herself and my commitment when words and actions just arnt enough?
2006-12-05 05:08:53 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
have you ever seen the movie "50 First Dates"..he was very persistant and every morning he knew she would wake up and not know who he was. But he kept at it. You show that you truly love her and are trying hard to make her feel comfortable. I know exactly how she feels, I struggle with the same thing, I am just single and dont let anyone in. Try to get her to open up about her past, try to get her to confront those who have hurt her so she can move on. She seems to hold on to those who have hurt her, and what we all need to realize is that if they have the mentality to do those hurtful things, they probley DONT have the mentality to say they are sorry or to realize they have hurt someone so badly. Try not to do anything that may remind her of those things. My ex use to yell alot and that would bring back mental images of me getting hit. You need to know what she has gone through, and then understand what will set her off. A certain sound, smell, action, words, phrase? Understand these things, make mental notes to not let those things happen. But if you really love her, dont give up on her, because that will just ruin her even more. A counselor or psychologist wouldn't hurt either, mainly for her, but for you also if you are really committed to helping her. She may need someone who knows her better. But trust me, she does trust you a lil bit more than the average anyone which may not seem like anything big to you, but is the world for her and very hard to do. Be grateful for what you have...Be real with her. Tell her you love her for herself.
2006-12-05 05:16:34 · answer #1 · answered by College Wifey 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Time and lots more then 2 years!
It's hard to try to make an action! you never know if that action was done by someone else!
keep telling her and keep doing the actions don't ever stop that! it's allways good to be loved and shown that!
Honestly I know you want to help her do this but it's something SHE needs to do on her own for it to be true! You can only support her in her choices! and give your thoughts! don't pressure her by anymeans just be there for her and build a best friendship.. it helps! and most of all
Have pateince!!! she will come around when SHE is ready not when you think she should be ready or when you want her to be ready!
good luck!
Show her that love!
2006-12-05 05:13:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just keep doing nice things for her and reassuring her that you love her and that you are not going to hurt her. It may take her a while to truly let down her guard because she has been hurt so badly in the past. Be patient with her and I am sure that things will work out for the best. Good Luck!
2006-12-05 05:12:27 · answer #3 · answered by Michelle 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Know what? I'm going through the same thing right now. I think you should just continue to be there for her, but give her time to fall in love. My man got out of a nasty divorce (his wife cheated on him for a year and got pregnant with the other guys kid) so now he's very skeptical of our relationship, even though we've been together for a year and eight months... All I can do is wait until he's ready to try falling in love again... It's hard to wait, I know... But the longer you wait, the more she'll realize that you truely care about her. Just be sure not to push, it'll scare her off.
2006-12-05 05:19:12 · answer #4 · answered by Raye 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's really nothing that you can do for her.... She has to want to change. All you have to do is keep on being the nice guy to her and then one day she'll open her eyes and realize that she don't need to keep on running because whatever that she was running from is not gonna stop chasing her unless she confronts it. And after that she'll see that you are the one that has been by her side all along and that you truly care about her and she's going to be glad that she had you when she was going through her hard times.
2006-12-05 05:15:25 · answer #5 · answered by Foxxy 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Words have power. Just keep telling her that you love her. Look into her eyes and smile. Hold her at night. Give her a back rub every once in a while. Just touching is so meaningful, but it will be the words out of your mouth that will end up breaking the barriers she's built up.
Help her love herself; have confidence in herself, does she? What about walking up to her when she's in front of a mirror. Hug her from behind. Tell her you love her. Look into her reflected eyes (it won't be so intense for her that way), Tell her "We've got a good thing here, don't WE?" Ask her..."Do you love me?" Tell her to smile, and everytime that day she sees herself in a mirror, to think of you and the love you have for each other. Ask her about later that night, and reward her efforts. Keep up the good work!
2006-12-05 05:20:46 · answer #6 · answered by ndngrlz 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Patience is the key. Keep reassuring her and Loving her. If it's true Love she'll come around. The more you show her the more she'll start trusting you. It's a hard road for you but well worth it in the end. Sometimes the best things in life are hard to come by and yet well worth the extra effort.
2006-12-05 05:17:27 · answer #7 · answered by SHERRI 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask her to go to counseling and seek the help she needs. Tell her that you promise to be by her side through it all and you'll be right here waiting as she makes progress and gets better. Time heals all wounds and if you can stand the good days and bad, you'll have one heck of a great relationship in the end!
2006-12-05 05:11:39 · answer #8 · answered by Dr. Kat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be patient with her. She is very delicate having come from an abusive situation. Give her time and keep reassuring her that you are not out to hurt her. Let her move at her own pace.
2006-12-05 05:13:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is something that she has to do herself. I was in the same position, but you have to learn from the past and move on. She has to come to terms that you are not that person that hurt her and look at you for you!!! All you can do is be who you are.
2006-12-05 05:35:08 · answer #10 · answered by WENDY G 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋