How to let go of the past?

Question

How do you let go of your past when it keeps haunting you when you least expect it? I want to forgive and forget... Perhaps just forget most of all.

I grew up in an environment of emotional and physical neglect. Put some sexual abuse into the mix, and you get the picture.

It affects every level of every single relationship that I have. I don't really trust anyone, least myself.

How do I let go of this and just forget. Tried to make my way down to see a professional, but got scared and turned around halfway. Tried to have a look at the web, and it just tells you to let go and forgive. What it doesn't mention is HOW???

Any ideas?

Answer 1

Hi i suffered from depression and anxiety for a long time. I am now happy and work as a nurse.
You really need to go and see someone asap. Dont let the past take over your future.
If you see a councillor they will help you understand your feelings and help you cope and try to let the past go. You will never forget but you can have a good life.
Maybe the relationships you are having are not THE ONE.
You can email me if you wanna chat more.
Suzi xx

Answer 2

So sorry to hear about your unforgettable past. Unfortunately it is a part of your life. And the brain stores all those memories good and bad, and you will never really forget. It can make you a better and stronger person knowing how it feels to have been there. . And you will not treat your family or anyone else that way because of knowing what it has done to you. A proffessional is a good idea but remember you have to do the work. Digging up the past will make it stronger in your memory, but dealing with it proffesionally will also help you cope with it. Getting it out and talking about it with a proffesional lets you do that by facing your fears, coping, and dealing with your thoughts and in that way helps you heal. When you heal, and rid yourself of any self guilt, followed by forgiveness of yourself and of them. Your thoughts will start to lean toward the good things in life. And soon the bad memory will take a back seat in your mind. You will remember it less and less then when you heal from the tramar of it. You have to remember that the one who did this to you is a very sick person. If they were not sick this would not have happen. You just happen to be in the wrong place at the right time. Healing takes time but does come eventually. You are not alone in how you feel. Millions of people are the same boat. Please seek out that proffesional and they are all different. If you don't feel your getting anywhere with one , then find another. They are like doctors and all doctors are not good at everything. Relationships will not change as long as you have so many unresolved issues. I try to trust everyone but I also know that there is more than one sick person in the world. Do your research on the persons you will be with . It will help you feel safer in your choices. Hope I have helped just a little and remember the key to forgetting is to heal, forgive, and get help doing it.

Answer 3

You have made the first step. Call a Psychiatrist get on medications and inter into talk therapy. There are groups for survivors of childhood abuse. You have a long road ahead of you. It is sometimes very painful when reliving the past but the only way to heal is to bring it out and talk about it. Sometimes things feel as though they are getting worse before they get better. Medications will help you with coping skills.
You should try one on one talk therapy with a talk therapist. A good Psychiatrist will put you in touch with one and they will work with each other. The Psychiatrist can help you by prescribing medications, And the talk therapist will help you bring it all out so that you can deal with it all. It won't be easy but it will help.You may also benefit by attending the groups.You may even form new and lasting friendships with the other people in the groups.

Answer 4

Yeah, completely understand where you're coming from and I think maybe the answer is that you need to reprogram your way of thinking. A counsellor might be able to help you do that - don't be ashamed, I had counselling and it helped me to look at things differently. I think the scars will always be there and there's no erasing them but you can learn to not let them take over your life. Mine pop up now and again these days but it's not 24/7 although I do still have issues and I don't think I will ever get rid of those, I suppose that's what makes me who I am.

I think letting go and forgiving is different for everyone so can't give you an answer to that, sadly, it's your own path of discovery. Never give up hope and keep trying. Get that appointment booked with the counsellor - you're obviously ready to face your past. Good luck x

Answer 5

Forgetting the past is bullshit. I don't believe I can forget the times of torture and neither can you. I am under a lot of stress now and seems very difficult to get it through. What i did was i turn to exercise. I did excessively and expected that i can get asleep easier at night. I ended up getting stress event more because my mind is still very active while my body is wearing me down. Tried to sleep but my mind is still thinking of the past. The question is, why must we forget? We take what happened as a lesson and learned from it. These bad things can heat up your brain easily. So my advice is that we use the anger as motivation towards our goal rather than wasting day by day thinking that you are very unlucky and that makes you very sad. I don't think that you should waste time thinking that some day you would forget what happen because that is as if trying to brain wash yourself. Trust me, it will never work.

Answer 6

Life is about getting past things. You have to decide at a gut level that you are not going to let an adverse set of circumstances from the past control you now.

Typically, victims of sexual abuse seek counseling. There are plenty of reasons to avoid it but being afraid of counselors is not rational -- perhaps the underlying cause and effect relationships you don't wish to share are the crux of this issue.

If you can't forget it, you have to at least confront it.

Trust is earned and not bestowed. Trusting yourself to act in your own best interests in a good start towards recovering; but it is largely a journey and less a destination per se.

Once you decide that you're not going to let mistreatment you've experienced in the past make you a victim today you'll start to move past your impediments to interpersonal relationships.

The problems of your past do not make you 'damaged goods' and you have just as much right to happiness and satisfaction as anybody else.

Forgiveness is for those who sincerely ask it. You don't have to forgive anybody who doesn't ask to be forgiven unless you choose to. If forgiveness is part of your process towards forgetting then it's a good idea.

However, you have to stop being a victim -- both passively and actively to get on with your life. Don't give the haunting imagery another replay in your psyche.

You deserve the same respect that others deserve. Demand what is yours and dismiss those who would use you spitefully and impugn your right to happiness with their past offensive reproach.

That was then. This is now. Life is what you choose to make it. If the the enemy is your mindset then change your mind and the rest will follow.

Answer 7

You would really benefit from seeing a professional so do try to re-arrange an appointment.You can only move forward once you have made sense of what happened to you.An expert in counselling would be able to work through with you all of the issue's that are currently affecting you.You can alway's decide to stop sessions if you decide it is not for you.It took me 20 years to seek help and that was 20 years wasted.It can be scary re-living the past but you will get through in the end.Good luck,you deserve it.

Answer 8

Recognizing the problem is a very large first step--so congratulations on taking it.

You will probably benefit a great deal from talk-therapy with a professional who deals with this type of issues. Take the next step and find a therapist. If you don't like the first therapist--try another one until you get a good fit.

After some talk therapy, you can face the future and then have a great life.
Good luck

Answer 9

You need to get the book "Toxic Parents" Its a wonderful book written by a therapist, and gives real "stories" of other kids ( that are now adults ) who have had crappy lives.. So many messed up kids keep their faith in God simply because they had/have no where to turn, which really helps .

There is also a new pill they are trying to put on the market that may help you out if it ever makes it way... you can read more about it here

http://60minutes.yahoo.com/segment/21/memory_drug

Also, Cognitive therapy might help you out, you never know... I see a counselor now, and thankfully he doesn't bring up the past, but just going so far has been nice because he listens and encourages!

Answer 10

I'm not an expert and I'm sure my own problems when I was younger were not as bad as yours but I did find seeing a counsellor helpful. If you find seeing someone face to face traumatic you could try calling a support line, perhaps if you could talk to someone over the phone for a while you could build up to the next part.

Something else which I have known people to find very useful was hypnosis. This helped someone I knew very well deal with trust issues.