Two years ago my son, then 13, messesd up, got home drunk, was disrespectful. I ended up giving him a good spanking and he was grounded for 2 months. He turned into a great kid any parent would be proud of,.but so resentful that until today he has hardly talked to me and his mom, cause she supported me. These days I had a problem and because of my principles I had to give up some good money I was about to make and we were counting on. My wife and my 12 yo daughter got disappointed an even angry with me, cause though contrary to my principles there was nothing illegal. Bt my son understood me, even congratulated me and help me convince my wife and daughter I had done the right thing to do. I was amazed, he handled that situation better than me, showed much maturity, and convinced them I was right. I tried that could mean a new and good phase in our realtionship, but unfortunately I was wrong. He just said he had been fair, followed his conscience but nothing had changed.
2006-12-05 04:26:30 · 13 answers · asked by Ed 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Do you think this fact was positive or negative? Will it make our relationship better or worse?
2006-12-05 04:27:44 · update #1
I think you need to talk to your son like a man and explain to him that people make mistakes. Those who are truly sorry for them will learn from them. Your son has to learn to recognize the fact that you are truly sorry and have learned so he can forgive. A spanking at 12 is ridiculous for one mistake like that. But if your son doesn't break the cycle of holding a grudge, he will never be able to have long lasting relationships. All relationships have some form of forgiveness built in so they can last.
2006-12-05 04:31:56 · answer #1 · answered by Jon O 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to tell you but all teenagers act this way toward their parents, although it sounds to me like you are a stepparent. He will get over it eventually, I mean the kid came home drunk when he was 13, what were you supposed to do? Your job as a parent is to make the best decisions for him whether he likes it or not, not to win him over. He will go through his phase when he realizes that he cant blame you anymore for his childhood. I think he can tell how much you want his approval and if it were me, I would lose much respect for you. Be the adult and stop worrying about the relationship. As long as you are a good person making the right decisions, he has no reason to not want a relationship. Good luck.
2006-12-05 04:32:46 · answer #2 · answered by RockabillyBanana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, your question asks, "How do I get MY SON to make up with ME?
From what I read, you did the right thing. He came home drunk? That's insane and way too young to be experimenting with alcohol. Your punishment seemed just and fair. If he is still mad at you, then that is "his" problem. You are his parent and I feel that now-a-days parents forget their role. If I did something like that at 13 and I got hit and punished by my mom or dad, they would not be talking to me! Its called respect. Now if you want to get close to him again, by all means, that is do-able. 15 is a hard age, puberty is setting in, peer pressure is mounting, then they suffer the between feelings, feeling like an adult but still a teenager. So we need to make the first move. Our biggest problem as a parent is, we don't talk to our kids. Its the one thing we can do for FREE and it actually works. I have the greatest relationship with my son of 14 years because we talk about everything, drugs, sex, money, career, my faults, my mistakes, my lessons learned, his happieness and above all, I call the shots until he is older enough. Period the end!!!!
So talk to him. Tell him why you and your wife acted the way you did. Let him know how proud of him you are, you state that on here...why can you do it here? Tell him! And tell him now! Show him that you see how well he has grown into a fine young man. Just like you stated here....about his maturity. Be a loving and supportive parent. You set gudelines that are for his best interest and what you say goes. Give him a hug and thank him for his support in your finacial decision. Take him out, one on one and tell him stories of you coming home drunk and or share your poor past poor decisions with him. Let him know that you are only human. Let him know that through your mistakes you have gain wisdom. Also expect them to make mistakes to learn from too, that is human nature, that is free will.
You sound like a father who cares, so show how much you care through words. Talk to him.........just talk. Its easy, its free and it really works.
Good Luck
2006-12-05 05:03:41 · answer #3 · answered by megabites42 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my son is 16 and i had to kick his A** alot and I dont do any making up either I cook I clean I got a beautiful house he has his own room tv, cloths video games , and most of all love and that is all the making up I am going to do .... If he is mad about something GET OVER IT just dont come in my house not speaking to me or being disrespectful and we will get a long just fine oooh and do your chores. coming from a mother of 3 teenagers and 2 children
2006-12-05 04:36:46 · answer #4 · answered by slpry L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a pretty complex kid....well thats not much advice so hear. You gave him some space for about 2 years, if you say hes a good kid then that means you did something right...Now its time to talk to him man to man....try and treat him like a yong adult...he deserves that...just tell him you need to talk, and tell him how you feel...this should help
2006-12-05 04:31:29 · answer #5 · answered by knightwolf665 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
something is for sure occurring, those are warning signs of melancholy, bi-polar and likewise of someone utilising drugs. you want to seek for suggestion from including your son and be conscious what is going on. He might want to no longer opt for to communicate about it or say each thing is superb, if so you'll maximum definately opt for to take under consideration counseling for him. 15 is an really not undemanding age for ladies and boys, he is going with the help of puberty and that would want to reason some significant emotional complications. once you locate out what the challenge is, than you may come to a decision even if to eliminate the computer and video games. it is been shown that lots of those who're depressed will spend a range of of time on the computer, so that you may want to opt for to take under consideration that once figuring out to take his computer away. reliable luck - i wish each thing works out for you and your son.
2016-11-23 18:12:28 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two years later your son is still mad over a spanking? He is the one with the problem. He needs counseling or something.
2006-12-05 04:29:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Any kid who acts like a tight ".ss" for two years is not likely to change. I suspect he learned it from you. I suggest you accept him as he is.
ps I think the "incident" is not the reason for his behavior. It that hadn't happened it just would have been something else.
Only my opinion.
2006-12-05 04:43:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is pretty much psychologically damaged. way to go ma
2006-12-05 04:32:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's a teenager--let it be for now and just be his dad.
2006-12-05 04:28:43 · answer #10 · answered by smeezleme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋